Social Tenets from A 1960's Metrosexual Game Show Host  

sfvppl818 50M/50F
486 posts
5/18/2006 7:44 pm

Last Read:
6/11/2006 12:08 pm

Social Tenets from A 1960's Metrosexual Game Show Host

You know, everything just seemed so much better in black and white when you think about it. You could hardly see through all the snow, so you spread the rabbit ears as far as they'd go. Pull up a chair to the TV set, "Good night David"! "Goodnight Chet" And depending on the channel you tuned, You got Rob and Laura - or Ward and June.

Wait a second now! I'm starting to transform into Wink Martindale. For a few minutes there it feels like a bizarre flashback into Wink's world - a place where neato-keeno, schnazzy and freaky-deakie became the bitchin of their time. It was a glorious time, a happier time, everything was a TV town in 1963 - and it felt so great, it felt so right because life seemed better in black and white ... smoking a pack of Lucky's with the kids at the kitchen table as they finished off a third pitcher of Kool-Aid.

A modest home with three bedrooms and one car on the street - streamlined, white walls, fins, and really had some style - along with a heavy green mower you pushed to make the grass look sweet. For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a chip. And if you wanted flavor there was Lipton's onion dip, that only your mother could or should make.

Dads went to work, of course. We were a tough dedicated bunch of fellas who took pride in our work and put in long hours to get some food on the table. I can recall many many rehearsal hours with Anita Bryant and Annette Funicello back in my trailer until the sun came up. Fortunately, Bob Crane was still a regular on the The Donna Reed Show, so my private collection of black and white wonder still holds that glossy spectacular I captured over a bottle of cognac and this strange wacky tobacky called cannabis. Don Knotts, if you didn't know it by now, was a real cutting edge sort of fella off screen - and according to word of mouth, he was "packing heat," but we're not talking about the sidearm he wore on The Andy Griffith Show.

Back to Anita and Annette because I forgot one more thing: they were great gals outside the trailer too, just stunning and earnest on the set. Mind you, these were the days when you could give a girl a Wink ... get it? Thought you would - and when you gave them a little tap on the ass for good luck or "can you get another coffee for me and Mr. Como," they didn't go scrambling for an attorney or Access Hollywood ... or both!

Just remember, there is a special offer and I hope you go to my website and order some fabulous merchandise, courtesy of Wink Martindale Enterprises. Order three starlets and we will give you Anita and Annette absolutely free as a token of our appreciation, so please order now.

Prices: $5 (black and white), $10 (tinted)
Postage and Handling: $3

Of course, there were the quiet times with the Martindale bundle of joy, when all my hard work took a backseat to building young people of character and integrity. Wholesome kids, the way my daddy taught me, god-fearing minds insulated from the harsh realities of the world, and there will be no smart talk about where babies come from in the Martindale homestead ... no way buster! In this house, men work hard and no one else's Mr. One Eye touches that place where babies come from, ok?

Ok ...?

Get it, pal?

Good. Very good.

Wow. Getting kinda choked up here. So much has changed since Bob Crane was bludgeoned to death in Scottsdale. What I could do with some of those video tapes ... but on to brighter things. Oh, there was a time not long ago when life was quite a blast. Now I fully understand about "Living in the Past." We used to go to weddings, football games and lunches. Now we go to funeral homes, and after-funeral brunches. But before I go, let me leave you with a gift from the Martindale Clan. Some of the key values passed down to me from my father, and from me to my children so they can pass it onto theirs. Well, a few of these we had to add to the list because the times are changing. Enjoy!

War is HELLarious!
Disney must be destroyed!
The Pope Wears Adult Diapers
Urine makes the Yellow Pages yellow ... Wash your hands
Pets. Just in case you run outta food.
Ryder trucks can hold many corpses.
You need a breath mint (or two)?
Golf. A sport for pansies.
Outta tissue. Wipe your ass with these free AOL CDs.
Cellphones transmit Satan's message.
Beware of Advice. The person could be a big loser.
Vitamins are for wimps. Just eat more eggs.
Children should be allowed to play with guns.
You know, there's a bullet for every star. Ask TuPac.
Don't fear the reaper.
Hug a tree, then chop it down. It's blocking my view.
For some of us homicide just settles everything.
Always vote for the guy that scares the shit outta foreigners.
I'm not wearing any underwear. The breeze just great!
Pokemon toys will pollute your everloving soul.
Face it, women are Mother Nature's cranky conclusion.
Evian pays French people to spit in the bottled water.
Never drink red liquids. Communism isn't dead just yet.
Don't ever breed, if you can. Wives can get a little testy.
Your vote doesn't have a clue on making a difference.
Vegetables are poisonous.
You won't get a date unless you have a drug problem.
Don't let a nun push you around in science class.

lifeisablast333 53M

5/18/2006 11:48 pm

funny stuff....thanks

Become a member to create a blog