|Blogs > sfvppl818 > A Theatre of the Absurd ::::::|
My inbox is empty and I am bored
My inbox is empty and I am bored
And I know that just by virtue of my posting in here, I will get responses that will keep me entertained for at least today, if not the rest of the week.
Here are some tips that will help YOU keep ME entertained today:
1. Please respond with exactly the same email you send to every other girl who posts here. Bonus points if it is also the same one you have responded to me with previously. Because you know, I have never posted to you before, and I don't have any friends who post here either.
2. I love it when you send JUST a picture. And when I am SO bored that I actually write you back asking for more info, please write nothing, but send me a link to your resume. I care what crappy little indie films you have been in and what acting courses you have taken. Really I do.
3. Another good option when faced with a request for more info about yourself is to shoot me back a "well what do you want to know?" I like a man who can't formulate three paragraphs about himself, and instead leaves it to me to interrogate him. I want to go to as much effort as possible to find out about YOU, because I have all day to respond to emails like this.
4. Write me a really sincere reply. Take some time to really impress me. And then send it from your other account - "marriedcock4urass." That makes me damn hot.
5. If I am not your physical type, I really hope that along with telling me so, you will insult me. Kindness toward strangers is so passe'.
6. ALL CAPS or all small letters, and using cutesy little 14-year-old girl abbreviations, really makes me wet. A command of the English language is highly overrated and could show intelligence, which is very threatening to my poor wittle noggin. i luv u 2!!
7. Please lie to me about your age, or other important things. I love that. I especially love when you get defensive and nasty when I bust you for lying. It's so...endearing.
8. Show an interest in my appearance by asking me for a photo. Repeatedly. Be sure to ONLY have interest in my photo. Ask for it several times in one email. Bonus points if you say something like "of course looks dont matter, but i need to see your photo." I don't want you to know anything about me besides what I look like. Please GOD, judge me by that alone, because I have spent so much time and money molding myself to be exactly what will make you happy. Super mega bonus points if you see my photo and then ask me to change something superficial about myself, like my hair color. Because I live to please you, and being a brunette would make everything just fall into place for you. And then in 20 years when I have borne 3 of your children and loved you for everything you are, including your bald spot and beer belly and hairy back, I really hope you will complain that I have gained 15 pounds. I need to be kept in line that way.
9. Make sure to completely disregard any requests I might make in terms of what I am looking for. Examples might include:
9.1 When I say I want dating, hopefully leading to a relationhip...YOU are smart enough to decipher what I was really trying to say - "I want hot no-strings sex this afternoon, with a generous married guy!"
9.2 The ages I prefer are 28 to 38. If you are older, either see #5 above, or tell me how everyone always THINKS you are in your early 30's. Because if you LOOK 33, for all intents and purposes you ARE 33. Even if you are really 45. If you are younger, it's ok because I like to indulge your Mrs. Robinson fantasies.
9.3 I am not fond of organized religion. Please tell me about how Jesus can help save my immortal soul.
9.4 I love animals and have several. If you have allergies, I am the girl for you.
10. The fact that I have taken much of my time to compose this witty post is not relevant at all, and should in no way be interpreted as possibly a HINT towards what type of man I like. I simple "sounds good i am 26 from long beach with black hair send a pic" is just the type of response I am looking for, and intrigues me to NO end. Please write as little as possible, and for god's sake, don't show me any personality!
I am 40, professional, short, curvy (meaning a great ass), and fucking asian hot.
Make my day!
4/26/2006 8:28 am
hello im gonna try to help you not to be bored anymore. so read this. this my first time trying this and you are the most gorgeous 39 year old i have every seen and i have seen alot being in the air force. i am nineteen years old and i have a thing for older women so if you would like to talk email me back lvhsbaseball23atyahoo.com|
4/26/2006 8:33 am
That is too cool! Yes it happens to me too. I like #3 that happens to me a lot! I will write three or four paragraph letter explaining me what I do for a living, wants, desires all of that and in the end I will ask tell me about you I am interested and I get the same thing "What do you want to know?" it's like "what your favorite color I don't know!" Just stat writing read what I just said and add what you like in the blanks. I was thinking about making a form with blanks and sending it when I asked that and just fill it in there will not be a test either geeeeee! I bet being a woman you get really goofy letters. I like that one blog that girl posted all of the weird letters she gets that blog is fun it is called "man in his infinite "variety" the post is Losers Unlimited. If you have not checked it out yet go it is too funny. Well I am glad you wrote that I enjoyed reading it oh one more thing before I go I a 43 but I look like I am 6o dose that do anything for you ha ha ha! I am a stinker sometimes. See you around the blogs! JD|