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Definition of an Asshat
Definition of an Asshat
The word "asshat" is thrown around so much here. I like it. Here's how I define an asshat....
-You go through my garbage looking for cans and spread the non-can contents of the bag all over the street.
-You move into the neighborhood for your freshman year and leave your boxes, hunks of styrofoam, and other assorted non-bagged shit in front of my front door.
-You wear one of those pseudo-vintage shirts from Urban Outfitters that says something like "Everybody Loves an Italian Girl," or "Gettin' Lucky In Kentucky." Way to be different, asshat. Those shirts are now as common as street lamps.
-You go to home depot in search of a power saw, drill bits, or fly paper.
-You get angry about stuff posted on an anonymous message board.
-You walk along narrow sidewalks with 10 of your closest friends - slowly - and you do not allow anyone to pass you.
-You were my old boss.
-You wear glasses with those big retro frames, and you have perfect eyesight.
-You are a freakish/ somewhat feminine guy who somehow escaped suburbia for the afternoon to wander around downtown with your annoying clone friends, complete with your greasy hair, tattoos and jeans that are way too tight for healthy circulation. Keep suffocating "Mr. Johnson" like that, and your next adventure out of your neighborhood will be to Sweden to complete your feminine transformation, asshat.
-You walk around wearing a shirt bearing the name of the school you are about to attend, even though you haven't spent an hour in class at said school, nor have you finished your summer reading
-You saw that blue car parked with the legit Hawaii license plates and made a remark to those around you about "What a long drive it must have been!"
-You laughed at the twit (sorry, the asshat) who made that comment.
-You offer Gmail, or debate Mac vs.PC at length when the majority of visitors here want to read about shaved vaginas.
-You think smoking weed is the pinnacle of coolness.
-You ask for the 100th time what "420" means (no asshat, it is not code for having anal sex)
-I used to work with you, and really liked you. You asked me out for "cocktails" twice, and backed out at the last minute both times for some bullshit reason. Thanks for wasting my time, asshat.
-You remind me that smoking is unhealthy. I haven't been living in a cave for the past 25 years, asshat.
-You pronounce names of ethnic restaurants as you think they should sound in their native tongue. Very worldly of you, asshat.
-You complain about stores being closed on Labor Day weekend.
-You take your shitty job too seriously.
-You are unfriendly and strut around like you are "all that," and then complain about being lonely on the weekend. Why do you think that is, asshat?
-You quote "The Simpsons" ad nauseum.
-You sit around in a circle with other asshats in the park and talk about feelings.
-You refer to women around your age as "ladies"
-You refer to guys around your age as "boys"
-You think Rolling Stone magazine is about music and not politics.
-You are a woman who does not shave her crotch.
Those are the things that come to mind when I hear/read the word "asshat."