All in a Name: Boy Edition  

sfvppl818 50M/50F
486 posts
5/31/2006 8:44 am

Last Read:
6/1/2006 3:56 pm

All in a Name: Boy Edition

There are certain things that come to mind when you hear a name. A few days ago I tackled some of the more common girl names and gave them their generalizations. Today I'm working over the boys.

Again, this is all in fun. Fuck... why am I even bothering saying that? Everyone that responded was positive. I have yet to have heard a negative reaction as I sit here and start to write this now. Does this mean that you readers like it when I'm in an onery mood? You weirdos.

Alex - Alex is a loyal motherfucker. He'll help you push your car when it breaks down, bail you out of jail and tell you "not to worry" about the fees and recognizes that a friend's ex-girlfriend is off limits. Alex, however, is a fucking pushover when it comes to the women in his life, allowing them to walk all over him and destroy his sense of manhood when around his friends.

Andrew - Andrew is a dick. He's a frat boy with no regard for anyone's needs other than his own. And he's proud of the fact that he is this way. He'll boldly walk into a room and announce: "I'm an asshole and you know you love me!" Andy, however, is a sweetheart borderlining on being a simpy douchebag. Andy's will let you borrow their shit, and when you return it broken, will be too soft to yell at you about it.

Brian - Brian is a nice guy. A really, really, toothachingly nice guy. He's easy to walk all over and realizes he's getting walked all over but doesn't really mind. Brian is laid-back to the point of fucking obnoxiousness.

David - David is an arrogant prick. He's the kind of guy who'll fuck your sister, get her pregnant and deny fatherhood even after the DNA results are in. David likes expensive shit and will find a way to get it - on your dime. David is a leech-bag douche. Dave, however, will let you borrow his truck to move and buy you the first keg for your new home.

Michael - Michael is thoughtful, considerate and a loyal friend. Michael always has the answers to your questions and is more than willing to give them to you. Mike is a self-centered fucktard who always says the wrong thing at the wrong time and lives to try and humiliate people. Mike will lie, cheat and steal his way into your life, leaving a shit trail behind him everywhere he goes.

Jason - There is no better person to party with than a Jason. Jason knows where all the best bands are playing, knows how to work his way into a place and not pay the cover and even scores free drinks without breaking a sweat. Jason is so charming, you won't even notice that he's been fucking you and your best friend at the same time. But if you do notice, you won't care, since Jason is an incredible fuck.

Bruce - Bruce is gay. If Bruce claims to be straight, he's harboring unresolved homosexual issues. He will drink himself into obilivion and proclaim his masculinity as a way to put up a smokescreen to how gay he really is, but no one ever buys it.

Josh - Josh is a fun-going dude, always a welcome addition at a party and never without his share of jokes and funny stories. Beware of Joshua, who is very unlike Josh, and is an obnoxious pseudo-intellectual who will try to mock everything you say in a pathetic attempt to cover up his inadequacies.

Richard - Richard is a great guy, honest, kind and true. He'll always answer the phone for you, no matter the time of night and listen to you rant incoherantly about your shit without ever voicing his irritation. Beware of Rick though, as Rick is a wanna-be player who will kiss up to you in private and talk shit to you behind your back to all his friends.

Matthew - Matthew is an anal-retentive know-it-all who doesn't know shit. He'll try to tear apart your ideas and opinions, then later play them off as if they were his own because he's got zero imagination. His partner in crime is Matt, who is the kind of guy that plays the sidekick to other assholes, usually Andrews, trailing behind them and snickering in agreement to everything his master says.

John - John is one of the coolest guys that anyone could meet. He's a partyer without letting it veer into the annoying, a ladies man without being a player. He's a smart guy, a funny guy and the kind of guy that you want to be friends with. As a boyfriend John is attentive and receptive, but can be borderline smothering.

Steve - Not to be confused with Steven (also posing as Stephen), who can be a morally condemning assmunch, Steve is the ultimate guy's guy, but not in the bad way. He's a sports nut, a car fanatic and a T&A man. Steve's biggest flaw is that he will make the mistake of complimenting another girl's ass while with his signifigant other.

Ian - Ian is fucking awesome. Period.

Robert - Robert is a kickass drummer in a kickass rockabilly band. He's tall, hot, and the known inspiration for blogs entitled "The Measure of a Man."

I've come to the part where I begin to lose (yeah, minor tangent here: Will you fucking people learn that "lose" is to misplace something and "loose" is what happened to your mama's pussy when she pushed out your ignorant ass?) interest in the fun little game that I started and leave it open-ended enough for you readers to tell me what names I missed.

Has anyone noticed that I've begun to get a little burnt out? *pout* I sure have.

TTigerAtty 62M

5/31/2006 1:42 pm

I'm a "Richard", but I won't be answering your damned phone at night! Answer it yourself! I guess I'm also a bit of a "Dick"!

rm_leegs56 55M

5/31/2006 3:58 pm

aren't we all a little burned out..that's why we cum here!!!

sfvppl818 replies on 5/31/2006 5:11 pm:
Well, well, well:
Just when you thought that the inspiration spicket was groaning dry. You have no profile pic and 13 posts (a lucky number, contrary to urban myths and popular beliefs) during your stay on AdultFriendFinder ... otherwise known as Jerry Springer Nation.

Get with the program, Sporto!

Roll the dice, take a chance. Risk it all by posting something real about you, and let's just say that your wife won't pick you out of her My New Matches, for sure. She's got different ideas on a man, which is why she comes here too!

Remember? A smile is just a frown upside down!

rm_leegs56 55M

5/31/2006 6:20 pm

i have posted a pic..i am not married u?

sfvppl818 replies on 5/31/2006 8:57 pm:
You Tarzan, me bait!
Sweep me off my feet ... beat me, bite me, buy me a condo!
Talk dirty to me ... make me write bad checks!

WhoseAmazePasty 51M
10 posts
5/31/2006 7:20 pm

Ok you got to Steve and alluded to Steven but you never completed the thought. And how about Stevie.

sfvppl818 50M/50F

5/31/2006 7:48 pm

    Quoting WhoseAmazePasty:
    Ok you got to Steve and alluded to Steven but you never completed the thought. And how about Stevie.
Okay now, Dr. Semantics has entered the room.
Let's just put Stevie under Steven, makes it a lot easier for the illiterate folks who troll these waters for BBW's and AdultFriendFinder virgins!

TTYL (because you may be new to reading: talk to you later)

earthShiva 59M

5/31/2006 10:32 pm

Where the hell were you when we had to name our children? Now my kid's going to become an assmunch?!??!

How about tossing out a couple remedial nicknames?

sfvppl818 replies on 5/31/2006 10:43 pm:
Try Otto or Dweezil ... we think he still has hope!

sharewus2 40M/32F

6/1/2006 12:12 am

hehehe...Andrew was my first ever "real" boyfriend...thanks for bringing back all the memories on that one

what about william/Bill and Joseph/Joe?

earthShiva 59M

6/1/2006 12:00 pm

    Quoting earthShiva:
    Where the hell were you when we had to name our children? Now my kid's going to become an assmunch?!??!

    How about tossing out a couple remedial nicknames?
sfvppl818 replies on 5/31/2006 11:43 pm:
Try Otto or Dweezil ... we think he still has hope!

I'll go with Otto. I'm saving dweezil for any future pet bassett hounds.

Thanks for saving my son from assmunchdom!

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