|Blogs > sfvcpl818 > Confessions of a Sexual Mind|
She’d thought she might be a lesbian once, or bisexual, when she was feeling desperate and lonely between boyfriends. That only lasted until she got within feeling distance of the cock of the next guy whose looks could turn her into jelly.
She hated herself in those between times. First for being weak enough to fall for the shallow guys she ended up with, and second for feeling worthless without the reassurance that there’s a guy who thinks she’s worthwhile, and who has her in his arms right now.
She wasn’t at that point yet though, she was still going through sex withdrawal, missing the feeling of things that aren’t there anymore, fascinating things that she can’t give herself with her hands, absent things.
If only I could date one of those, without the man attached. But she knew she’d eventually need arms too, to hold her and reassure her of her existence.
She went in the back to get her purse after her shift was over. Sammy was still putting things away. He looked at her, and at her tight blouse.
“They’re bigger!” he exclaimed.
“Bigger than what?” she asked back.
“Than before,” he replied. She thought back, to the remark about
seeing her before. Back when they used to go swimming sometimes.
“When we went skinnydipping? That happens when a girl grows up you know.”
“No, earlier today. I swear...” He was staring at her breasts, but she didn’t mind. He was a guy, guys just do that, and she hadn’t been exactly discouraging it today.
“Well maybe I’m wrong, you had your shirt off then.”
“If you’re trying to get me to take my shirt off again you’d do
better with just asking,” she smiled.
“No, I’m, geez I’m sorry, I’m being rude.” He couldn’t believe he was staring like this. Even if she didn’t seem to mind today, it wasn’t like him. But then she wasn’t like her today, either.
“It’s all right. You coming by the coffee house tonight?”
“I might, but I have laundry to do tonight. If I don’t get it
done, I’ll be the one topless tomorrow!”
“Okay, see you later.”
She went home to change. She noticed the bus jostled a lot.
She couldn’t remember why she had so many clothes which didn’t
fit, or why she kept them. She had a whole drawer full of bras which she couldn’t possibly wear. She’d have to put up with the chest motion for a while more. Or wear something that held them in place, but it was frustrating trying to find something.
She still felt good, and wanted to dress up a bit, even if it was just for the coffee house, but the black dress she wanted to wear was one of those that didn’t fit. To hell with it she decided, she’d make it fit. If it didn’t work she could pass it off as a weird new designer style. Snipping the seams on either side of both breasts, she put on a sleeveless yellow turtleneck and pulled the dress over it. Flaps of black cloth hung loosely in front of her. She got a black shoelace and cut it into measured pieces, then held the flaps of cloth in place and pinned the laces to hold them there. A short sewing job later she pulled it back on, and decided it would do. A sort of cat’s cradle between cloth fingers gripped her breasts.
Without someone’s real fingers to do that, it’d do...
The coffee shop was genuine, not a chain. There was genuine art
on the walls, and upstairs was a floor stage. Tonight it was open, anyone who felt like it could get on and perform. Her friends from high school met there at night and most still did, Sammy being an exception - his family had moved away before high school, and he’d just come back recently on his own, working at the cafe to make enough money to start University.
Some of her friends were doing University too, some were working like her. A few had left, but they kept in touch.
They were upstairs, but so was Paul, she noticed. Not surprising since she’d met him here, but she hadn’t seen him here since. He saw her too, and ignored her with determination.
A memory of the lust she had for him hit her, then went away. It wasn’t worth it, not the whole package.
“Corinne, hey! What’s happening?!”
Having friends is nice, she thought. She even managed with two of
them being ex-es.
“That’s a new look for you, isn’t it?” Tamara asked.
“I wanted something different. You like it?”
“It’s something different, all right,” Tamara replied, amused.
“It matches my hair, don’t you think?”
“The sweater. You know, yellow.”
“I don’t think we’re looking at your sweater, but what’s in it,”
Jake said. “Where’d you get it? Or them?” He poked through the gap closest to him at the stretched yellow fabric. He was an ex, parting on friendly terms. A spark jumped out and licked at his finger.
“Ow! Sorry, did that hurt?”
She put a hand to her breast. “Yeah, but it’s been happening all
day. I don’t know why.”
“You’re just a walking Van de Graaff generator,” Mikhael remarked. His parents were Russians, who immigrated from Hungary, and he was one of the ones going to University. Corinne enjoyed his accent.
“Okay, I’m not even going to ask about that. I’m going to get something to drink first and I’ll be right back.”
There were unspoken interactions taking place all around her as she moved, sexual expectations kept secret or shared anticipations building between people in love or just looking for intimacy. Some people were just horny.
A guy sitting on a couch wearing worn jeans and a faded T-shirt, unkempt hair and hip-young-retro beard was nodding his head to something only he could hear, his eyes meeting hers without interest. Her mind flashed his nude body at her, her eyes liking what they saw, and his clothes flashed back. She ignored him.
In a corner was a couple necking, unnoticed except for their two radiating lusts lighting their corner, and her mind jumped - the view of their immediate future threw itself at her. She was frozen shocked by the hot nakedness, feeling hands and thrusting hips, she felt the receiving fullness - his fullness - moving in her, blind sensations coming at her from the darkness somewhere.
She remembered doing that with Paul. With men. With their bodies, eager hard parts...
Back on the couch they stopped and stared at each other, as surprised by the vision as she was.
If only they served beer here. Then they’d probably serve gin, and she was beginning to think that’s what she really wanted. She got something with hazelnuts instead. The couple got up together and left for their sweaty future in the dark.
“So what about a girl who dyes her hair, that’s fake too,” Melissa was asking Jake.
“Well that’s kind of a whole different level, you might as well ask if someone wears different clothes, and that makes them look different, is that fake?”
“What did I miss?” Corinne asked.
“Jake thinks those boobs are real,” Tamara replied.
“Well, they feel like it,” Jake defended himself.
“You think I got implants? When could I have afforded implants
even if I wanted them?”
“No, we know they’re not implants ‘cause they weren’t that way yesterday,” Tamara explained, “so I thought they might be packing or something, silicone padding.”
“What way yesterday? Are you guys trying to make me take my top off too?” Corinne laughed.
“Who was trying to get you to do that?” Melissa asked.
“Oh, no-one, I was just teasing Sammy about that today. I had to
take it off for a minute earlier, and I think he got a kick out of that.”
Fields of energy were slowly gathering around them, too. Spoons in the cups swiveled towards her. She nudged the spoon in her own cup away from her, and watched it slide back.
“Did he think they’re real?” Tamara asked.
“Oh come on,” Corinne replied, nudging Tamara’s shoulder. Another
“Oh, sorry!” she exclaimed, but Tamara laughed.
“Yeah, at least those are real,” she said, still laughing.
Tamara was naked for a flash, laughter rippling like waves
through her own breasts, before it passed.
“Okay, you want to know for sure, then here,” Corinne said, “just to settle the issue”. She put her cup down and slid the straps off her shoulders, then pulled down the top of the dress, until the stitches for one of the laces broke from the stress of sliding down over her top.
“It’s okay you don’t have to show us,” Jake said quickly.
“Well it’s already broken, I might as well finish,” she replied,
pulling the dress down to her waist and then pulling up the turtleneck sweater. “See? Convinced?” They hung to about the top of her stomach, and she wiggled side to side for emphasis.
Locker rooms filled with dozens of naked women swam around her head.
“I’m sure I’ve never seen them that big,” Andrea, who’d been quiet so far, spoke up. She was the jock, she’d probably been in the most locker rooms.
“I have,” said Will, beside her.
“Boob fetish magazines don’t count,” Mikhael countered.
“Then no,” he admitted.
Corinne finished tucking the sweater back in place. Energy
swirled around the whole place, generated by a dozen disbelieving eyes and the basic instincts behind them. She felt some disturbing thoughts come from some where, a sense of disapproval or wrongness, but they got smoothed out and disappeared. No-one had to worry about them.
“But now I need to fix this dress,” she said, looking down. She was energized by the feelings, and saw the shoelace and loose cloth sticking out from her and waving like she was charged with static electricity.
The thought of being naked flashed in her mind, and even seemed almost like a good solution to the problem - if she couldn’t find a better one.
“Can I see?” Tamara asked, and reached towards her chest, then paused like there was suddenly something wrong with her hands so close to Corinne’s body. They were just there, so close to touch. It wasn’t a sexual desire, just... something so big and soft you just have to see what it feels like. She took the lace and cloth and looked at them.
“The thread’s still here, I can just tie it up again, it’ll hold if you don’t pull it...” She was conscious that everyone was looking at her, but determined not to act like anything she was doing wasn’t perfectly normal. She knew when they watched her, they’d know it was on purpose. They’d think they’d know what it was for... but it didn’t matter, she’d know better.
“There,” she said, laying one had flat on Corinne’s breast, “that’ll do for now”. It felt too warm for a breast. She watched along with everyone else as her hand caressed downward, and there was her nipple oh wow it was big... then it slid off.
That was good, she thought. It felt soft, and good, and she wouldn’t ever have to regret wondering what they felt like and not doing it.
“Is it just me,” Will asked, “or does anyone want to see that again?”
The feelings around Corinne were getting more specific now, not just arousals, but body feelings, stiff cocks and flushing warmths. She looked around. Paul wasn’t there, maybe he’d left already. Further away, she could sense ones that weren’t stiff, and she wanted them hard. She and their owners felt them as they began to grow.
That can’t be right, she thought to herself, I’m imagining things, I’m hallucinating.
The shoelace had popped loose on her dress again. “Dammit!” She pulled it back together but it didn’t seem to reach. Giving up she stood for a second and angrily pulled the dress off over her head. The sweater came with it, but only up to her shoulders, once the dress let go it fell back part way to where her chest sloped outward. She sat down, frustrated, in her panties and bunched up sweater. Tamara reached over and pulled Corinne’s rumpled sweater down over those nipples.
“Thanks,” Corinne said, but she couldn’t concentrate on the dress because... she was horny as hell, she realised. She looked around again. So was everyone else, she realised. She was about ready to do just about anyone. With a cock, preferably.
She looked at Jake and the others around her, who seemed entranced by her and bound by their sexual feelings. She remembered when they were lovers. Naked. He sat there naked and beautiful in her eyes, his whole body watching her hungrily and not moving except for one part that was motioning for her to come.
Is this real? It can’t be real, she thought, breathless and dizzy. But she accepted the invitation, wanted that invitation. She pulled the sweater over her head, stood up and pulled off her panties. Dangling breasts bumped and squeezed between her arms as she bent over.
It flashed back to reality, but she had already decided. She wanted to feel him, and feel it, she didn’t care why, it didn’t matter that it was here. It was open stage night, and everybody was going to get one hot show. She brought him to his feet. Not pulled, but made him get up, using the same force of yearning that she was feeling. He reached towards her, she took his hands and turned him towards the stage, and tried to reach around from behind to unbutton his shirt as she followed, but her chest squished up in the way against his back and she couldn’t reach.
That’s wrong, she vaguely thought through the hazy feelings, I’ve done this before. Why can’t I do it now, why are my breasts in the way? But she dismissed the thought, she could figure it out later. She made the buttons want to come undone, and they opened from top to bottom. The pants too, and Jake was surprised as he turned to look down and find his penis freeing itself from his underwear, prying it down past his hips and letting it fall to join his pants around his ankles.
She didn’t even pay attention to anyone around her any more, she just knew they all were as horny as she was. She faced him and looked down his newly available body. She knew that cock, it had been good to her, it was familiar, it looked nice. Turned slightly sideways so she could reach around herself she grabbed it and felt its instinctive pulse - feelings which brought back the best memories.
She pressed it between their bodies and kissed him. Everywhere skin touched was a new and familiar pleasure, body feelings she wanted, here and now. A craving radiated from her and affected everyone in the room. Slow writhing rubbed the right parts together between them, her legs and arms embraced and positioned her body against his where she wanted it, almost effortlessly, his hands on her butt holding her up and against him, giving in to her, entering her, sweetly filling her the way she wanted. She felt the sensation all the way up to her brain.
He gasped, shuddered against her. That was all she needed - she let go falling into orgasm and her brain melted, their bodies tightened together. Every sense was on pleasure, waves of it washing her clean of awareness. Energy poured out from the union between them, replenishing, captured... the entity within her drank what it needed to rebuild itself. It was now ready to leave and it flowed out of her with the orgasm. She felt it, in the midst of their sexual release she felt the energies it had built up and absorbed from everyone, its wonder and mystery, charm and order, cascades of emotions and beauty tumbling out over the essence of being.
She felt it released from her, reborn, and even in the midst of all the confusion she understood what it was, and all those entities of structured energy like it - they were little aspects of beauty making their way through the universe, touching on things, exploring the vast worlds and growing from them. They helped hold beauty together against the cold... and the universe had nearly lost one of them.
She felt the addition of its gratitude as it left her, felt its love for her. She had been its home. She had held it within her, kept it safe. It would remember her in its travels, for the rest of time, long after she had died. A part of her would touch everything beautiful that it ever found.
She knew, lying there, panting, sweaty, how much it valued her, face pressed against Jake’s chest, legs still tangled with his, in a way that no merely mortal man ever could. She allowed herself an eternity to rest there, collecting afterglow. Then she lifted her face and kissed Jake’s lips. He was overwhelmed as she was, caught up in the same entity’s energies, but without the understanding.
“Time to get up now,” she said.
Physically back to normal, she stood up and Jake followed her.
The people around them had done whatever they decided to do, she hadn’t noticed and wasn’t really interested, and they weren’t paying her or Jake any attention.
She was making sure they weren’t.
This control of biopheric energy, she thought, walking naked back
to their table, this has some definite possibilities.