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She OFFERS to Take a Lie Detector Test
She OFFERS to Take a Lie Detector Test
At least we were being civilized to each other. She kept saying that she wanted to get a divorce so she could fail on her own. Usually I was the strong one but now I was a mess, higher than a kite. The physical closeness of previous night's sex opened the door for reconciliation. We were just hugging on couch and Jet went to take a shower. That led to a quickie and that really changed the mood. We made a little progress that day, but a major breaktrough happened that night. I was at the end of my stash and she was really jonesin. We agreed to do uknowhat the "last time" and have a big open conversation.
We totally partied up, this relaxed the mood, and felt a closeness that we hadn't in a while. She told me she would never leave me or the family, that she loved me, that she wanted a normal life, and to be a good mom. We made love that night with lots of kissing and romantic talk. For the first time in a while I felt positive. Then she did something that she probably ended up regretting.
The main thing that I was worried about is that if she had an affair. I realized that she had an addiction, and while that is a major problem, it would bother me more if she willfully had an affair. I told her so, and I said i would probably never be able to recover not knowing truth.
She told me that she would take a lie detector test to prove that she didn't have an affair. What! Why didn't I think of that!!! That would really solve a major problem with me. A lot of circumstancial evidence pointed to her messing around, secret phone calls, sneaking around, out late, lie after lie, talking about open relationship, not willing to give up bisex ...etc, but this would give me piece of mind. I felt that I would really be able to move on knowing that she wasn't fucking around. We could work thru the uknowhat, but I couldn't take an affair.
I would have never asked her to take one anyway, too invasive, but since she was offering.......
I was at the end of my stash, and I would find out truth, the cloud was lifting! I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders and we didn't talk about "it" for the next couple days.
I also realized that test would be expensive, and there were more questions from long ago that were unanswered. She said that she was completely honest now and she wouldn't be opposed to answer ANY question. When I thought about it, there were a few other instances in our marriage that looked suspicious.
This would clear up years long arguments (She would stay out all night at Kisha's house and not even call right after our son was born, her gay friend told me that she kissed a guy while we were married, etc.) She didnt even act surprised or nervous. but she said that I would have to take a test, too. I agreed reluctantly, then I thought about my own lies, and I decided that maybe I should come clean, too.
This put a different perspective on things as I called around different polygraph places. I felt that I would finally know the truth on some major issues. I felt that there was no need to bug her because the truth was near, and if she bailed on it, it meant she was lying.
This actually relieved a lot of stress and I felt a little better, which lightened mood for everyone. The uknowhat was gone, so I could at least apprach life with a clear mind.
We didn't talk about uknowhat for the next few days. We didn't argue, we didn't have sex, I felt better now that I was straight, and she claimed to be straight, too.
3/10/2006 9:40 pm
I guess I would say "Whatever floats yer boat" my friend..I hope you get it all worked out. |
3/12/2006 9:52 am
Hey, there! I must say that I always love your questions/answers in the advice lines, etc.... but this is the first time I've ever taken the time and read your blogs. As for~ I dont have one, myself. Anyways, the "subject" of your blog; it's funny because I can relate to the anger, pain, frustration,hurt, confusion.....and everything else that does come along with it when your wife/signifigant other- and even yourself is caught up in the 'evil' drug.|
My ex boyfriend was hooked on it(still is, rumor has it)and he, too had all of the same exact signs of doing it. He was guilty as sin but ALWAYS denied it. He had many rages he'd go through, especially when he started to get that SUDDEN itch to need more.There's been a million times he'd purposely go out of his way just to start an arguement and yes--- I did see it coming but he was mind set on going to party.There was NO changing his mind. He's be M.I.A all night long lots of times, no where to be found. I went looking all over the city looking for him the first 2 yrs. we were together only to always find him sitting in a "cr**k house" just waiting for that next high. Me being a person that despises that 'evil drug', I always just wanted to leave him due to this bad habit. When he stayed clean for a while, he was the best person in the world. Thats what made it soooo hard to leave him.It was because I seen there were better in him and thats what I fell in love with from the get go. But, no matter how many times he begged and pleaded for me not to leave him, it seemed as if things got worse...every single day. The lies, the manipulation, the constant on the go personality, mood swings(him going from super wonderful to the anti christ in 5 seconds flat).....the list goes on.
Finally, after 4 years of me dealing with all of this and blaming myself and always thinking it was me driving him to do that shit...(it wasnt) and then some- I got to the point that I finally got so tired of questioning myself and thinking I'm the wrong one in all of that, I got the courage and finally left him. It really IS alot easier said than done. It really is!! I was never married or had kids with him (THANK GOD!) but I have 1 daughter of my own and he had 2 sons. The kids felt it too- the after effects of arguing and depresssion....they see it, hear it, and end up reacting to it. I hated to see when ANY of our kids weren't acting normal. I had to leave. As much as he swore he wouldn't do it anymore, begged, pleaded, cried, threw a fit,etc..it doesnt get better. We havent been together or seen each other in close to a year. Through 'our' circle of friends, he hasnt changed not one bit. In the end, it wasn't me that had any problem- it was him and apparently, still is.
Since this here is already too long,(LOL!-sorry!) my point is when someone is "hooked", ya gotta remember: the drug doesn't come looking for you!! YOU go looking for the drug. That person whether its you and/or your wife has got to want to stop. I'd imagine it is very hard to stop and/or control. But, your family(especially the kids) sees and feels whats going on. Kids keep silent when taking it all in. Thats not healthy for any of you!! I dont wanna come off sounding like I'm trying to preach but if there's a WILL then there's ALWAYS a way!!
Hopefully, one day, you'd be able to just look at that 'evil drug' and not have that temptation to keep doing it. Stop and ask yourself which is more important in the long run? That stupid drug and making the dealer rich when he/she doesnt give a shit whether you live or die OR your family that DOES care? Why would anyone wanna deal with all that insanity when it all can be gone?!
Good Luck to you two and I really hope both of you can get the help you need and have the strength to get through it and LEAVE it in your past. It's gonna be a long road, but ya gotta start somewhere. Just dont wait til it does get to the worst part.