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I got up and went to work like every other day. But when I got there, something was different. The closet doors were open and something seemed missing even before I turned on the lights. I turned on the lights to find desk drawers open and tools scattered on the floor. It hit me like a mack truck, we had been ripped off. I went to use phone and it was gone. It was gone along with computer, tools, answering maching, DVD player, Cds, and my new stereo. How could things get any worse?! I was so pissed and I had a weird feeling that Samantha had something to do with this. I tried to talk to her for consolation but she was rude and standoffish, this only increased my suspicions (which is rude cuz it is wrong).
I was so pissed off, offended and violated. So much that I can't even come up with words to write now. I tried hard to figure out if it was someone we knew, or maybe the run down apartments down the street (that is what everyone says, cops too.).
I didn't talk to anyone all day, and ended up going to bed in silence. I didn't even call Sam at work before I went to bed. Sam came home late and turned on the light while I was sleeping. She woke me up to argue, but after a few minutes of talking it was obvious that she was high on cola. At first she denied she was using, but after a little gentle persuasion she admitted that she was high, and she said that she even had a little for me. She probably never would have turned me on, but she was busted once more and figured that it would soften the blow.
So the next night (June 1) I have some. I am so anxious that I go to Garage Bar before kids go to bed and do some lines so I won't be anxious to put them to bed early. I let em stay up, and we have fun playing games and making popcorn. Finally, I put them to bed, then head on back to GB for more lines and snowcaps.
I was conflicted, I enjoyed the buzz, but felt guilty for using, like it was condoning Samanthas big problem. I needed to be strong and say no all the time. I could go weeks witout doing it, but once it was available when I was jonesin, I couldn't say no.