public relationships on the blogs  

sexydisaster30 41F
5527 posts
7/6/2006 9:57 am

Last Read:
11/26/2006 8:26 pm

public relationships on the blogs

bipolybabe has asked what I feel to be an interesting question in her post [post 413961] regarding having a public relationship here on the blogs. This question was asked by another blogger who I won't name mostly because I don't want to encourage him to come to my blog because he gets under my skin.

The question was basically asked if being so public on the blogs with a relationship could cause it to fail.

It is not a secret that my relationship with seriously_real was very public here, however I do not think that is why our relationship failed. Not even a little bit. We had a great time with you all during our time together here on the blogs. We had one hell of a birthday party, we shared some of the things that most couples go through, we joked with one another, we flirted with one another, but we never really shared the really personal things.........

Things are really two-dimensional here on the blogs. I think that we all think that we know each other more than we really do. You never really know someone until you spend time with him or her and sometimes you don't even know him or her then.

Seriously_Real and I had a real relationship. We laughed together, we cried together, we had some great times and some bad times. Ultimately, we had a REAL relationship. We cared and still care for each other a great deal.

Looking back on the public-ness of our relationship here I realize that yes, we made some mistakes, but I learned a lot from the experience.....more than any of you will ever really know. We invited you all into our world. It appears that we told all when in fact you all only saw a small part of what was really going on. You may have known what I was having for dinner, but you did not usually know what was going on in my head as I ate it. Make sense?

I look back on our relationship here and recall it as living in a fishbowl for all to gaze upon us and look at us to pass judgment, tell us we were doing a great job, tell us that we were silly, make fun of us, laugh with us, cry with us, relate to us, be jealous of us, or to just lurk and look at us. One of the hardest parts of the demise of our relationship for me was not to have to announce it on the blogs, but to deal with the aftermath of it all.

I got emails from people telling me that I was the stupidest woman that they knew because I had left such a wonderful man, I got emails for men offering to help me make it through the transition by fucking me, I got nasty IM's from women that came to his rescue, but I also had several of you that comforted me in my time of grief and sadness.

Not many people know what really happened to end our relationship and I have no desire to tell you that now and I doubt that I ever will, but what I can say is that I am a better person for knowing him and I consider him one of my greatest friends, allies, and confidants.

All this being said the question still remains:

Would I do it again? Would I make my relationship public on the blogs?

I would like to answer it like this:

If you pay attention at all you know that I have a "friend" now.....let's just call him my Non-Boyfriend. (Explaining why I want to call him that is a whole other story.) Some of you that know me personally know who it is, but most of you do not. There is a reason for that. Living in the spotlight in a relationship is hard. It is a ton of responsibility. It is not something that I wish to put him or myself through. You will find bits and pieces of our relationship here. Many of my most recent posts are sparked from discussions that we have had. This is my place to ask questions and to get all of your opinions, but you will NOT be reading what I am having or have had for dinner or what position(s) that we had sex in last night. It is just not something that I choose to share anymore.

This was a long assed post to basically tell you that no, the spotlight of the blogs did NOT destroy my relationship with Seriously_real, but I will not be publicizing a relationship again here.......not until I have a ring on my finger anyway and that will most likely not be happening any time soon.



bipolybabe 54F

7/6/2006 10:04 am

Thanks so much for the response.

Seriously said much the same thing.

It's helpful, and from what I learned from both of you, I'm keeping my big mouth shut.

It doesn't sound like that much fun to fuck in a fishbowl.



Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 10:08 am:
fucking in a fishbowl is never is usually way to cramped.

rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
7/6/2006 11:00 am

"because he gets under my skin"


sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:33 pm:
You caught that huh?

JuicyBBW1001 54F

7/6/2006 11:01 am

I think the same can be said about the chatrooms and the groups. I would never name the person at all in my writings because to me it is easy for people to read things the wrong way and if they have never met you in person before they really have no basis for having an opinion one way or another.


sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:33 pm:

EroticaXTC 49F

7/6/2006 11:06 am

After my own experience, I realized it's better to keep relationships out of the blogs as much as possible, for many of the reasons you named, and more. Very few people are as fortunate as LILBlonde and Bulge, but they set the best example of a successful "public" relationship. I think positively, I wasn't turned off from having a relationship with another blogger, but I wouldn't put it out for public scrutiny again.
fantastic post!!!

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:36 pm:
I agree with you Erotica.....I totally agree.

JustaSeeker 105F

7/6/2006 11:22 am

OK! Suits me. Can we go back to having fun now?

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:38 pm:
Did we ever stop having fun?

a123rat 49M
1112 posts
7/6/2006 11:33 am

I can truly understand not wanting to go into detail, but it is the bits and pieces of our personal life that we share here that make blogging what it is... Very interesting.
Wishing you luck in your real life. Looking forward to seeing bits of what goes on in your head.
From whatever side of the fence you're on.

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:39 pm:
I love the fence....I love to straddle it!

rm_Rico0825 54M
483 posts
7/6/2006 11:37 am

You know what SexyD? I don't think it's anyone's place to email you a thing about the breakup with their sorry assed opinions. For support... yes. But not to tell you what you should have or should not have done. They weren't in the relationship and don't know what was going on.

As far as going public on the blogs about relationships? As far as the other half agredd to allow it, there should be no problem. The same problems on here would happen in day to day life that would lead to a break up.

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:40 pm:
Those emails only made my breakup harder......and those that did it are still around. They know who they are.....bitches.

saddletrampsk 54F

7/6/2006 11:51 am

Share what you wish..its really none of anyone's business what you do on here or real on

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:40 pm:
Wow Saddle....welcome..and yes you are right.

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
7/6/2006 12:13 pm

I think it's probably smart to do just that. My husband is on AdultFriendFinder too, but we do not post who we are on each other's blogs. I think it is just better that way. I'm a flirt, he's a flirt....and it wouldn't be the same if everyone was afraid to flirt with us. There are a few who know who we are in real life......but otherwise, we'll keep the rest to ourselves. Good luck in the new relationship.

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:42 pm:
I had no idea.....I just learned something about you...I don't blame you for keeping identities hidden,

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
7/6/2006 12:44 pm

when gaeb and i got together he was into us posting blogs about each other, but i was hesitant and didn't initially acknowledge who he was when he left comments. however, being the open exhibitionist i am, i soon caved in ... i also don't think it damaged our relationship. but it did make the break up harder for me as i did not want to say a lot of the negative feelings i had on the blogs as i did not want people going to bash him ... also going thru this experience of carrying his child while not being in a relationship with him has been quite challenging in a lot of ways ... i need the space on my blog to talk about it, but at the same time, i am very very cautious about what i do and do not say ... even tho public scrutiny is not that great, especially when things are not going well, i know myself and do not think i would do it any other way if i were to do it over.

thankfully gaeb doesn't blog anymore and he doesn't read my blog, otherwise i would feel very very trapped!

[blog freelove999]

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:44 pm:
I know the feeling of trapped all to well my friend.....

evil_lolita 34F

7/6/2006 12:56 pm

Also, btw

I would like to invite you to Cum on Blogland for me - yes, again I figure one can never cum too many times, after all.

Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire

Alberta Nightlife Under 40 - check it out!

southrnpeach333 50F

7/6/2006 1:41 pm

more than anything i found that as i became personal in real life with someone i had to start censoring what is said in my blog...and that just sucked. but i think that is the case even as you just make friends. things change and evolve.

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:45 pm:
yes babe, I know.


7/6/2006 1:44 pm

Oh share the part of you ya want. We are just glad to be sharing ya! {=}

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:46 pm:
Oh MO! You are so sweet to me.

seek_u_topia 50M

7/6/2006 2:27 pm

so agree about the two dimensional nature of this place...3D is better, but impossible to capture here...and who would want to? you're a smart cookie SD

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:46 pm:
thanks Seek.

concupiscentKid 40M

7/6/2006 3:32 pm

You've made the right choice.
I've learned many things the hard way.

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:46 pm:
Ya, me too.

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
7/6/2006 4:45 pm

Very well said SD. I think it is possible of course to have a romantic relationship with another blogger...but there are some things that are best left private.
I always loved you and Seriously Real, still do....of course we did not know everything nor should we have. People will always read and judge and give opinions.
I was happy to get a little taste of your lives here...the Vegas trip and the birthday were just very entertaining to us all.
You know I wish you both the very best, you're both good people.
I do not get involved with drama here...but it is ironic that people who say they don't want to get involved in the drama are the ones writing posts about it!!

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/7/2006 8:45 am:
but it is ironic that people who say they don't want to get involved in the drama are the ones writing posts about it!!

I couldn't have said it better myself....

Twister2bed 47M
617 posts
7/6/2006 4:48 pm

Wasn't a long post at all, I just skipped to the last 5 lines and figured out what you were saying hehe.
I'm lazy that way

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/7/2006 8:44 am:
at least your honest.

sexyariesgirl 57F

7/6/2006 4:49 pm

Great post!

Power To FOK

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/6/2006 9:48 pm:

rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
7/6/2006 10:19 pm

"You caught that huh?"

I had to go back and research it, of course..... there are several here who drive me crazy (although one of them has gotten much better over time, and another no longer seems to frequent the same blogs as by using comments as an opportunity to "come-on" to the hostess. Every day, day after day... Shut up already!

Then there are the arrogant, snotty, my-shit-don't-smell-what's-your-problem guys who sit in judgement of the rest of us.....(ahem)

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/7/2006 7:10 am:
Then there are the arrogant, snotty, my-shit-don't-smell-what's-your-problem guys who sit in judgement of the rest of us.....(ahem)

That is what I a talking about....the others I like!

elbman 41M  
2566 posts
7/6/2006 11:50 pm

I keep them members of my harem a secret; or else all the jealous hotties not in the harem would try and kill them off to take their spot away....such is the life of an internet celebrity

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/7/2006 8:43 am:
Oh the Harem. I forgot about that. How many members are you up to now?

rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
7/7/2006 8:50 am

"That is what I a talking about....the others I like!"

I knew that.. I was just making a snotty comment about the ones who get on my nerves, as well.....

and I bet they don't even know who they are.....

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/7/2006 8:54 am:
Oh I think that they know who they are.

meerkittykat 42F

7/7/2006 9:25 am


We've talked about this, and you covered what we talked about. I wanted to add something else I was pondering today whilst eating cheese and crackers.

There are people in this world who thrive in chaos. It gives them a sense of realness, because the vibrancy of chaos feels "real;" you know how we all feel sickened and weak when something awful happens. Well, those folks that need that stimulation, no matter how repulsive, to have some sense of being.

It's the same people who gawk at gruesome traffic accidents.

Those people exist everywhere, and they're entirely too self-absored to notice that their existence in chaos only makes it worse, especially when their actions make it worse. Rational thinkers have one of three options; fight it (which is hard, cos those chaos-creaters tend to be obsessive and will not let go or relent), ignore it or remove yourself from it. Neither choice is better than the other, as it depends on the person you are; and both work wonders.

Now I need to go get dressed, young D.

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/7/2006 9:32 am:
Your naked at 11:30? Why aren't you at work?

rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
7/7/2006 10:55 am

"Oh I think that they know who they are"

I'm reminded of the joke about what happens when women take over the world...

The President of the U.S. gets a call on the hot-line from the P.M. of England (both women)

England: We're declaring war on you sweetie.

U.S.: Why? What did we do wrong?

England: I think you know what you did.

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/7/2006 9:54 pm:
umm what is wrong with that phone call? It makes perfect sense to me.

HBowt2 58F

7/7/2006 2:52 pm

you just go enjoy it and don't mind anyone.....

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/7/2006 9:52 pm:
I am......

elbman 41M  
2566 posts
7/7/2006 3:24 pm

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/7/2006 11:43 am:
Oh the Harem. I forgot about that. How many members are you up to now?

Locally or total membership in the regional and international chapters?

sexydisaster30 replies on 7/7/2006 9:53 pm:
I am only concerned about the members locally....

rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
7/8/2006 2:21 am

"umm what is wrong with that phone call? It makes perfect sense to me."

See, now that's why men spend all their time rattling sabers and being assholes while the women actually run the world. (Except for what's going on in our country, which is a corporate mess.)

Don't tell anyone that I know, your secret is safe with me (some secret! It's more of an intelligence test, depending of a) who's paying attention and b) who's not letting their egos get in the way of admitting the truth. Some men are capable of a), but very few can manage b).)

OboesHonedIambs 62F

7/8/2006 10:42 pm

You and seriously got a wee taste of what it's like for public figures and celebrities who have live a majority of their relationships in the public eye.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee

free2chose2 66F

7/10/2006 3:49 am

an open relationship on blogs can be treacherous

Don't worry, be Happy

VenusDiaries 62M
867 posts
7/15/2006 1:24 pm

I always respected the fact that you & mr real were daring enough to put your relationship out there for us. I thought it was a wonderful relationship to view from a distance. The best to you both.

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