|Blogs > sexpirate19125 > Confessions of a Sex Pirate|
Verb not Noun
Verb not Noun
Verb: The part of speech that expresses existence, action, or occurrence.
Noun: a word that can be used to refer to a person or place or thing
Some words are both verbs and nouns. 'Love' is such a word. 'Love' can be something we give or offer like a trophy or a prize or it can be an active expression of a feeling.. something we actively do on our own because we can.
'Respect' is another one of these dual purpose words. Often, people will freely announce that "...you have to earn MY respect, I don't just give it to anyone..." as if THEIR respect were somehow more important than anyone else's and holding respect hostage like this will naturally compel others to jump through the hoops of their individual expectations in an effort to secure their subjective prize!
I can't help but sneer when I hear this. Think about what this means to you if someone directs this statement to YOU. I, personally, take quick and short stock of who is arrogant enough to take such a position with me and I immediately determine 2 things - (1) Is there anything about you that I can actually LIKE enough to give a damn about your opinion in the first place and (2) Is there anything about you that I consider superior to me in such a way that YOUR respect should somehow mean more to me than anyone else's? The answer is usually a resounding 'Oh hell no. Are you fucking kidding me?'... and that is the end of that. So what good has holding your precious respect done in the short or long run?
People of character show respect and compassion to everyone...even the seemingly 'undeserving'. It's not really about showing myself respect or showing others respect... it is about exercising my ability to recognize and exercise what respect in action IS. Those who can, DO. Those who can't, talk about it (alot).
Someone said they thought that women these days didn't show enough self respect. It is almost too easy to agree with this but I can't. Fact is that women today actually respect themselves a tremendous amount when you consider the amount of respect that is NOT offered by the men around them. Is a woman who is exercising sexual generosity truly any less respect worthy than a woman who is sexually withholding? I turn off as easily as a light switch based on unique and bizarre personal pet peeves and as a result have far fewer playmates than other women (who love men much more generously and forgivingly than I am capable of). Does this make me more respect worthy because I am picky? Does sexual generosity make a woman a slut? And if your answer is yes to either of these questions, then why are the rules still different if you have a penis ... and WHY are you here exercising your moral contempt with sexual disrespect with other folks on AdultFriendFinder?
Say what you will about not "earning" or "deserving" respect based on some arbitrary standard that you have set - (how many individual 'you's do you think exist in everyone's life - and which one of 'your' standards should we be subscribing to?) -- the fact is that it doesn't take that much effort to treat another human being in a way that allows them to have their dignity.
And dignity is the very thing that respect is intended to protect. The act of showing others respect is NOT intended to protect yYOUR feelings, YOUR ego, nor YOUR precious image of yourself as an almighty dispenser of judgements. It is intended to protect and preserve OTHER people's ability to have and maintain some dignity in this life, no matter what their station is.
Respect the garbage man for doing the very necessary thing that you, in all your vainglorious greatness, could not bring yourself to do.
I suppose even caring about another's dignity implies compassion (which is a higher form of love, also a verb and a noun). Women practice compassion all the time. When a woman looks at you as a person and does NOT judge your merit or worthiness as a private partner for her based on your occupation, income or penis size - she is not treating you like an interchangeable object but a whole person. Her value judgements are based on your person... your personality... the unique individual residing in the skin you are in, not the social uniform you are wearing.
Think about this ... if women did NOT look at all men with this type of compassion, we would all be breeding with the same upper 2% Alpha males in the world... after all, biology reigns where compassion does not - and sex is absolutely biology driven.
When you deal with people from AdultFriendFinder after meeting them in person in real life - do you treat them with respect and compassion or do you show them the sexually selfish and morally judgemental side of you? If you like the person so little that being spiritually ugly and sexually selfish seems to be acceptable behavior, WHY would you share something as precious as your time with that person? If this is all fun and games, what does the way you play say about you?
I am not much for unspoken "rules" when dating or mating since I am frequently one of the last to be informed about what they really are so here are the guidelines I offer as Universal practice.
(1) Respect. Verb not noun.
(2) Love (Compassion). Verb not noun.
(3) You. Inspiring not destructive.
I have met a small handful of folks on here that observe all 3 guidelines and I can't tell you how much of a difference they make in my mind. I like men who leave me with reasons to smile after being with them... and the big secret is that it is not the hot, nasty sex that makes me smile. It is the open personality, the warm smile and the kind personality that opens my sexual flood gates and begs me to return to them.
1/29/2006 7:16 am
I've always operated on the basis of respecting a person until I decide they are unworthy. It's amazing how fast and easy some people make that decision. Once I stop respecting them I don't invest a lot of time or effort in them either, if that's picky I guess we should form a club.|
1/29/2006 9:29 am
Very profound, a whole lot of things to think about in that post, once again you have managed to inspire concious thought in me, when all the blood was going to my little head ...Have a great day and thanks for the words of wisdom|