Sobering thoughts  

sexloverocknroll 57M
282 posts
5/5/2006 5:02 pm

Last Read:
5/9/2006 11:18 am

Sobering thoughts

Along with all the other challenging stuff going on lately, I have been having some intense desires to drink. A few times, they have been very difficult for me. I started working with a new client this week. He is very close to my age and grew-up pretty much the same way as me, partying a lot, drinking alcohol and smoking pot. Usually, talking about the old days does not cause me too much concern or bring out those old desires. Not so the other day. He brought up “Annie Green Springs.” Any of you remember that cheap sweet whine from the 70’s? They do not make it any more. It was along the lines of "Boone’s Farm." When I was 14, I used to get a $1 to play pool from my Grandmother. Sometimes, I would, but often, I spent it on a bottle of “Peach Creek” or “Berry Blast” (was is it blast? Can not remember for sure now). Oh yes, it was 85 cents a bottle back then. Oh yes, I drank it all, by myself, unless I had some female company, then of course I shared. Of course, there was always a little (or a lot) smoke going on as well. As I drove us to his errands, I had a deep intense feeling come over me. It took over my whole body and mind and spirit. I could just feel that bottle in my hand. Cold and wet and… this is hard. Usually I can describe it, but right now, I am having a hard time because it is making me want to use. Sorry, but you will just have to take my word for it. I wanted to smoke a cigarette and a little weed and… It was tough for me to push it away. No, not down, but out of me. The past 2 weeks or so, I have been having many of these feelings. They just come over me like an old friend. They fit me like an old worn pair of shoes. They just slip right on and I instantly return to my former self. A few times, I have a single, complete, all consuming thought: get drunk. Many times in the past when I used, that feeling came on often. I allowed it, indulged, relished it, fed it. I would just go to the bar or package liquor store, right then and there. Now, the smoking stuff on top of it and all of this other stuff. Sorry to be such a bummer here. Just need to let it out. I’ll get through, like I always do. I am not those old addiction’s bitch any more.

funontheside4you 41M/38F

5/5/2006 7:08 pm

For me what I discovered was that it wasn't really the alcohol that I thought was so great. It was being young, with-out a care, just good friends and good times.
But it wasn't the same when I started back. I was just older, and all my friends were gone. Those day's were just behind me now...
I still do have a drunk from time to time, but don't get drunk just 1 or 2. I do think though that not everyone can have 1 or 2......
I respect you for your restrant.

sexloverocknroll replies on 5/5/2006 7:21 pm:
thank you

catseyes23 61F

5/6/2006 3:34 am

It could be because of what has been happening with the events of your life the past few days.

Don't give in!


sexloverocknroll replies on 5/6/2006 5:14 am:
Agreed, My Lady. Hard to tell sometimes which is cuase and which is effect. In the end, that does not matter so much, just have to deal with and move on to the next day.

woofff 41F

5/7/2006 8:13 am

I have the craving everyday to fall apart.

I do. I feel the rise of the emotion and I panic. In my panic, I try to grab hold of anything that will help me stay afloat. It can be my best friend, sure. But it doesn't have to be. Anything would do if it would just keep me from falling apart.

Sounds familiar?

sexloverocknroll replies on 5/7/2006 9:12 am:
Yes, very familiar. For me, it is not the same, though. The problem with finding things to hold onto is what happpens when there is nothing or what you had lets you down. There is always God, but the whole concept of holding on can be the problem. Letting go and trusting God is what I have found to be much better. My life has fallen apart many times. The good part so that it gets rebuilt, only better. Thank you for sharing and your comments!

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