sexloverocknroll 57M
282 posts
7/15/2006 6:18 am

Last Read:
7/22/2006 5:35 am


As far back as I can remember, I have felt like I do not fit in with the crowd nor that I am at home. My earliest memories of being in any group of people of any size are all of me just standing back, observing and occasionally participating, not belonging or being a part of it. During my drinking days, I tricked myself into believing I belonged, but after I quit drinking, reality set in and there the alienation was again. Yes, it hurt at first, but now I look back and I can see that I have always known that I do not belong where I am, that I am not at home. Acceptance took over, but at times, I feel lost and alone. That time is now, since that big jetliner took me over the Gulf Monday.

There was at one time, one place that I felt comfortable and like home. That was at my Grandmother’s in Guernsey, Wyoming. There, peace found me, I do not have to search for it like now or anywhere else. Calm, quite, understanding surrounded me and absorbed me. Now, I have to go through lots of motions just for a few moments of it. My summers were spent there with her. My family would gather at her house for all the major holidays and most weekends or other family events. I lived with her for my 10th grade year of high school. After I got older and able to drive myself around, I would go for visits. As soon as I got within 5 miles, all of my worries and troubles would be gone. They would be left out side of town, waiting until I came back out. That was a great place for me to go when I needed clarity in my life. 10 years ago, my Grandmother passed on and I have only driven through a few times. That peace is just a memory now.

My first trip to Jamaica brought on the same feelings, calm and peace. At first, I did not recognize it, but the last few days there, it was very obvious. Peace, calm, quit, understanding had found me again, surrounded me, encompassed me, fulfilled me again. Thursday morning, my first morning back, as I walked about in the very early morning Jamaican Sunlight, a soft and loving voice told me, “I am home.” During my first visit, there was this lovely house, very near the villa. This house was not the largest nor the nicest I saw on the island, but it was my favorite. It is for sale now.

In Jamaica, the women treat me like a god. I am nice to them, they very sweet to me. I am polite to them, they give me there full undivided attention. Within moments, we are revealing our souls to each other. We all have so much in common on our basic levels that how can I not wish to be there with them? In this country, very few seem to relate to me and very few are any near as kind and friendly and genuine to me. The men there, within moments we are having deep spiritual conversations. There are none here. Yes, we have our cultural differences, but I have to ask myself, why I am here? Why I should be living here, banging my head against the wall, and not living a peaceful life in Jamaica?

I will gladly give up all of Western modern conveniences and materialism for a life of peace.

sexloverocknroll 57M
415 posts
7/16/2006 12:33 pm


ProspectorsPlace 67M/64F

7/21/2006 3:14 pm

Hey Rock..

A welcome home here maybe a "null" based your post.. So I'll good to see you made it back safly inspite of your dreams..

I somewhat like you.. I was a military brat and then ended making that a carreer so the feeling of home had evaded me for 55 of my 57 years..

Then we, Arlene and I, found Ayla, our ranch. We you find the Island girls and the folks in Jamacia, we found the folks here to be warm and welcoming. We also have Crazy Woman Canyon and most days we are the only ones up there and the lack of people is refreshing for us.

We moved here from Florida by way of 2 years in Recluse. We left recluse because of CBM and didn't like the "moon scape" that surrounded us. Now we are gretted each morning by the Big Horns and watch the sun set over them every night.

So friend, we found our "Jamacia" in Wyoming.

Lew and Arlene


Veritas vos Liberabit–Semper Vigilo, Fortis, Paratus, et Fidelis!

Prospector /l\

sexloverocknroll 57M
415 posts
7/22/2006 5:35 am

Good for you Lew and Arlene!!!! Wyoming has some pretty special places here. Not gonna say I would not miss it here, especially up in the mountains fishing and being away from everyone and everything.

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