|Blogs > sexloverocknroll > rantings of a ?|
A few weeks back, it was brought to my attention that my blog title was not appropriate or inaccurate. So, I changed it. In no way did I think anyone would have any sort of reaction to my blog title. Sorry that it hurt your feelings! I made it up on a spur of the moment because I did not think my old one was fitting. The “loser” part was just some not very well thought out sarcasm. In a lame attempt to explain myself, I lost a friend. At that moment, I was feeling as though I was being judged. That was me reacting to an emotion with no rational thought behind it. I am that way at times. At times, I seem to lose friends because of it. Not an excuse or a legitimate reason, just who I am. Apparently, I should reconsider that as a short coming. Some say too sensitive, others, passionate. Also, at that time, I was going through a transition period. My emotions were running on full. I was overly-sensitive to everything. I tried to apologize to that person, but I have gotten no response.
Working in the psychology field, trying to help others and myself, I have met lots of ‘victims.’ Some work very hard, some have moved on, others are still a work in progress, and yet, some seem to fit the description that was offered to me as “Victims are those who whine and want pity, Survivors see the signs and do everything in their power to NOT repeat it. Victims, repeat for attention.” Over the years, I see people who “live in their wounds.” They refuse to get out of their troubles and pain or to heal. They just wallow in their self-pity. Sure they have been hurt and they need attention, yet, there is a time to move on and grow. These people choose to walk around with their issues on their sleeves and demand that everyone take notice and give full attention.
There seems to be people on here who have chosen to learn from their trauma and issues and not live in their wounds. That is how I would like to view myself as well, but in my recent past, I have only felt like a victim. Not today.
Resentment keeps a person feeling like a victim. Resentment is victim attention seeking. Yet, resentment dominated my life for a long time; the past 6 years plus. In this time of change and transition for me, I have been able to let go and find peace. No, not understanding, not completely, just to accept and move on and know that one day I will fully understand. The one thing in life I desire most, the one thing that is missing, is love and affection from a woman, a wife, a partner. No way can I have that when every time something bad happened I would act out of resentment. Can not guarantee I will not every again, but I will do my best.
Sometimes, I wonder if when I am bloging that I am just whining to get negative attention. Yes, at times, I am venting. However, I use writing and journaling and bloging to try and figure out whatever is going on with me. Bloging is great because it is nice to get fed back. Helps me to see things I might have missed. Encouragement from those who have been there and done that and to know I am not alone in my plight. In blog form, though, it is tough to relate every single small detail. So, sometimes, I do not put everything in the blog. At times, a comment comes along that someone is trying to point those un-mentioned but not forgotten details out to me. I try to respond by saying yes, I know and I agree. At a few rare times, I feel that those comments should be so obvious that why take the time to mention it in the blog. How are they to know?
Am I so different?
Sometimes it seems that losing is all I know.
5/29/2006 7:33 am
YOU are AWESOME NOPE you are NOT different Remember there are times when we need to loose to really win|
Hugs, smooches, and smiles sweetie