|Blogs > sexloverocknroll > rantings of a ?|
Letter to a friend:
"My initial intentions to place myself on this site was to find a Jamaican wife and to hopefully get laid. I wanted to just find a local sex buddy and then find a good woman to marry in Jamaica. Why Jamaica? That is just my experience and how things worked out for me. I do not expect anyone to understand.
After the numerous rejections of the locals and all the scammers and games on here, I became very discouraged. I knew God was telling me something, but I was sick and tired of playing by the rules and losing all the time. Finally, a 'real' person from my city wrote back to me, rejecting me of course, but told me to see her blog. I have had a blog site for about 3 years now, not on here but another. So, I went. That is when I found you. Your words filled my heart and soul with love and warmth and hope. Yes, hope! That was sorely lacking before you.
Meanwhile, over 90% of the Jamaican women I wrote to responded. It took some time and effort and frustration, but I was able to weed out the scammers. There was 2 that I was the most interested in and they were interested in me. Subsequent correspondence took place.
The local stuff became very frustrating and I knew it was not going to happen. It had to be all or nothing. Not just sex, but love and mmarriage. I wrote you because I feel in love with your mind and your words on here. I saw your photos and thought that perhaps I had finally met that person I have sought for all these years. You rejected me. That is unfair to say to you because you were not in a place to start something new right then. I began my own blog and you came to me. It was like heaven for me. On yours, you have several hundred “views” daily. You have numerous followers who adore you. You had some good times and bad. I supported you all the way. You seemed to like my blogs and I thought love was growing. Then, I got into a funk.
As mentioned previously, I have been unable to get any rest. I sleep many hours during the day and feel as though I have not slept at all. Now, after the dogs and all that is gong on, I have lost my few new blog friends. Now, I am nauseous all day long, not just after I eat. I can not get my work done. I am confused and overly sensitive to everything. I am a wreck.
Meanwhile, in Jamaica, one of the woman I liked the most turned out to be very shallow and immature and an awful person. The other, well, I am going to met her in person in July. She is having some big problems right now, but has been very kind to me and I think we might be good for each other. I was still thinking it might be you though, so I waited for a “sign.” I finally got it.
A few days ago, you posted some joke about over-weight people that was very in-sensitive and not at all like you. I was surprised and, yes, hurt to know you are like that; that you are the type of person who makes jokes at another’s expense. Oh sure, you have had other jokes on your blog, but they did not seem as cruel as this one. That was my “sign.”
Sorry, My Lady, but I must now let go of you. This is so painful and difficult because I learned to love you and respect you and desire you. You were a bright warm light in my darkest dark. Now…
There will remain love and respect."
The end for my on here is soon.
5/7/2006 8:08 am
Going over the edge.
It seems such a pleasant thing to do
on a Thursday afternoon.
Don't go just yet.
To where though?
Pain takes you to a realm
that Pleasure cannot go.
and wanting a reprieve.
don't ask me what...
will keep ye breathing
for another day.
No need to be grateful.
Are not unheard S....I hear you. Many must hear you and then tune you out. I didn't. I look at the site we both belong to, and I am struck by human nature. Its
so.....how to say - inhumane sometimes. No? That it is.....so don't go yet. This place is as good or as bad as the marketplace in Real Life is. Listen to me: You have found the same frustrations here that have dogged you in your dreams and your life......more intensely here sometimes because here...on AdultFriendFinder one can cut through the crap and reach the heart of the matter in a way no one can in their offline Real Life.
In other words, this place is perhaps more honest than any other forum, be it a wedding ceremony, a bar mitzvah or a funeral...and in the process if you feel disappointed, I say it is a good sign!! It means the dead air has shifted and you have come across something that is discordant....
Now you can find the disconnect, all you have to do is identify it. And the good news is you have everything right here to do so: You have the people, you have the situations, you have your instinct and your principles. Not to mention your sense of humor.
Drop by sometime, man....am not looking for anyone anymore but only in one
way...that is romantically. On a more basic human level, my ride's open to you.
5/7/2006 4:38 pm
Was just writing freely and it all came out the way you see....is all of it mine? I don't agree...after all,it needed your sentiments to evoke for me to feel a response...hm?
A catalyst is needed. You could call 'it' (catalyst) a muse perhaps.
I call it conscience.
5/9/2006 12:16 pm
Are asking,S?Or are telling?|
Catalyst, muse, conscience .... we all possess each,S. No?
5/10/2006 7:59 pm
Lets back up a bit.
I said:A catalyst is needed. You could call 'it' (catalyst) a muse perhaps.I call it conscience.
You responded in part:...Shall we catalyst, then?
That was the disconnect.
Butif this does not clarify my confusion, then let us leave it at that and try to start over...here, let me start...
(Extends a warm handshake and a smile to Sexloverocknroll)