Uncle Scumbag  

scumbagalert101 48M
14 posts
1/30/2006 4:54 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Uncle Scumbag

Alright, kiddies, pull up your chinos and have a seat. Your favorite uncle, Scumbag, is gonna tell you the ONE thing he ever learned about licking pussy. It can save you hours of fruitless licking, save wear and tear on your tongue, prevent neck and back pain, and help you stimulate your special lady (heh heh heh, "special lady", I hate it when people talk like that) to a better, more dependable orgasm.

Not that I guarantee this, all wimmins is different, but I know enough of them are similar that this still works. Also, it's probably something everyone pretty much knows already or has found out for themselves. In this respect, I'm really talking to you rookie pussy lickers out there, male and female. I DO know, however, that I never read this anywhere or ever heard it in my years upon years of research into sexual practices and I have only seen it depicted in ONE obscure porno (at least where it was the fpocus of the scene and remarked upon). That leads me to surmise that this little tidbit may actually be rarely known afterall.

Enough of this prattle! Here it is, in one easy to remember sentence:


No further explanations or illustrations needed. I mean just what I say. Again, I apologioze to all of you who already know this. No one ever told ME about this, I found it out through experiment. I'm just trying to save you rookies out there years of trial and error. Also, all women are different so this is NOT fail safe, but it IS good general advice.

Some further detail may be required. Bear in mind that I may be full of shit, but here's how I think it works. You don't have to refrain from the standard lillipop style tongue flicks the whole way. In fact, you may want to start out doing this. When you start lickin' a gal betwixt her legs, you want to start off slow, just letting her pussy know it's being licked. Pretend you're cleaning her up like a dog or kitty cat does. And dont be afraid to use your hands. Myself, I like to keep my hands busy when I'm licking pussy, keeps the boredom down. You watch a porno and right away they shove their hand up inside a gal or just start right in on the clit, but those are trained professionals and all stretched out, to boot. You'll want to start slow, like your cleaning the cochie off (which you often are, even for the cleanest of goils - don't worry, that pussy just starts tastin' better and better the more you lick it), or, better yet, waking it up. Start with the outside, begin teasing it between the lips, then use your tounge to explore and unfold that delicate flower.

When you feel the girl is getting into it (you'll know by the sound of her breathing and how still she is, generally, watch for deeper, more regular breaths, etc.) start working the clitoris. Don't just start licking like a crazy person, head on (unless your "special lady" likes it this way or gives you a command). generally, the clit doesn't like a direct attack. Try bouncing it a little with the tip of your tongue, like the clit is a ball that you're throwing in the air and catching with one hand, or that you're patting it. Lick the sides, lift it up and down, lick it back and forth. And don't just use the TIP of your tongue, stick that sucker out as far as you can without straining yourself (stamina is key here), and use more of the base of your tongue. And don't be afraid of using a little pressure. A clit isn't all about delicate flicks, it like some more steady pressure, too.

As you're working the clit, don't forget about the rest of the snatch. Keep taking breaks to explore the pussy as much as possible with your tongue (and don't be afraid to use your nose a little, unless you're a snotty fucker, in which case stick with your fingers). Lick those lips - pussy lips, that is - suck them, kiss them, let that pussy know that you love it. Now, it's up to you if and when you put your fingers inside, just don't go crazy. Experiment a little and find out what the lady likes. Shit, ASK her. If she's any kind of a woman she'll be giving you commands and you don't need some sleazy asshole like ME telling you what to do. You'll also probably want to use your finger on the clit. Remember, don't just flick around, use the base of your hand to cover the whole pussy and gently rub it now and then, testing to see if she'd like some of that, or slide your entire index finger up and down the snatch from top to bottom and over the clitty, using the flaty part of the hand. Do this with your tongue, too. Basically, just keep trying various techniques until you find what your woman likes/wants/responds to.

And another thing: SUCK THE CLITORIS. I'm known more than one woman who really responded to the sucking of the clit. It's hard to do, I know, due to the fact that it isn't very big, but dso your best and WATCH THOSE TEETH! Just push your face/head as far down on the crotch as you can , making sure to keep the lips over the clit and keeping the teeth AWAY from it. It takes a while and for the most part you can't really suck on it as wholeheartedly as a cock can be sucked, but believe me, the clitoris CAN be sucked! If you can get a good suction in fact, try to move your head from side to side, carrying the clit with it through the power of suction. I have found that it helps to return to steady tongue licking after these episodes. If you get a big response immediately, don't go hog wild and start heading for home. It's like when you're fishing. You DON'T yank the line outta the water at the first bite, you wait to make sure it's taken the bait for real, then you still wanna be careful reeling it in. Feel the woman out. It will probably take about three rounds of "lick lick lick, suck suck, lick lick lick, suck suck" (gently now, slowly now, you're still sorta testing the waters, dum-dum! it's better to be sure and steady, let the lady know she's in good hands and that you know what you're doing) before you can head for home and attempt an orgasm assist (don't get too cocky, think of yourself as HELPING the lady cum, not MAKING her cum, though that works too, but only if you REALLY know what you're doing).

By this time you should be about, say, ten minutes into licking the snatch. Basically, it's a little bit like training. You experiment and find out what the woman responds to. Learn her pace. And let her know what you're capable of and what she can expect. It's a kind of synchronization, you're both finding the right rhythm, getting into balance. You should also have used some of the technique I'm telling you about: namely, holding your tongue still and moving your head as opposed to a constant, irritating, "flick, flick, flick" on the clit without any variation. Think of it as making friends with the pussy.

Now, when you sense that you, your tongue, the lady, and her pussy are all in synchronization, start utilizing the technique. Stick your tongue out and curl it downward, use the widest, flattest part possible (sticking your tongue out too far will only strain it and make this a stressful enterprise, so protect yourself as well as this could take as long as half an hour, though it should eventually take no more than ten to fifteen minutes once you're both used to each other) and start wagging your heady back and forth in a slow, steady manner, like you're saying "no". Try a "yes" motion, too. The lady may like one more than the other, or a variation - regularity now begins to work very well. You may find that you can just do two "no's" followed by three "yesses" over and over and she'll pop, though it may take a little finger work and a few tongue licks & flicks or whatever to break up the monotony. And, another important factor, DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE THE WEIGHT OF YOUR HEAD. Just rest you head, with your tongue touching the area of the clit, and start the motions. I may be wrong, but my experience tells me that a pussy, especially the clit, like a firm, steady pressure and regular motion, especially as it gets closer to orgasm time.

As you near orgasm time, you may find that inserting your finger, or, say, THREE fingers into the vagina is effecting. You may also find that it is NOT. Again, it depends upon the lady. If you can manage some dildo work (not everyone has one of these) at the same time as all this licking I just described then this can be VERY, VERY effective. Just as when you are fucking (I'm talking penis inserted into vagina here, folks) it is useful to use your hand to stroke the clitoris and/or rub the upper pussy, it is also useful, at times and for certain women, to insert your hand and/or a dildo into the vagina while engaging in cunnilingus. A little of this may go a long way, or a lot may be needed. the only way to find out is to either TRY IT or to ASK... or BOTH!

Okay, a few more pointers. DON'T FORGET YOU HAVE HANDS. While you lick that sweet pussy you can massage any part of the woman's body you can reach, don't be afraid of a little work. What are you, anyway - LAZY?! She might not like this or she might, you never know. But do TRY IT before you reject the idea. Now, some people like to tongue the butthole now and then while they lick pussy. Others (especially in pornos, which are totally BULLSHIT most of the time) concentrate heavily on the butthole (funny word, eh?). Sorry, but it's true. If your lady friend is clean down there, by all means, go ahead. Some women might actually prefer you to slowly switch from tonguing the pussy to tonguing the butthole and using the hand on the pussy instead. Frankly, I think that's a little freaky and rare, so assume that this ISN'T the case unless the lady requests it. Rimjobs can be effective but are generally best used as a minor sidelight to a professional pussy licking job.

Now, as for when the orgasm is coming and whne it ain't, that's hard to say. I generally find that when the lady starts pushing her crotch into your tongue, looking for more pressure, and/or begns to squeeze her hands tighter around whatever she's holding, or starts to thrust her butt rhymically (i.e.. humping) that she is signalling that she's ready to go for it. At this time I have found the best move is to gop straight to the steady tongue with some head preassure behind it and shorter, more regular head wags (usually in the "yes" pattern), plus maybe some vagina insertion. At that point, let the lady guide the process and just become a steady, dependable tongue. Think of yourself as a wall, a wall of tongue, and just give the lady everything she asks for (often non-verbally).

It all comes back down to the thing about keeping your tongue still and moving your head instead. This gives your licking a more steady, deliberate pace, saves your neck, jaw and tongue muscles (therefore longer licking stamina), and allows you to use your tongue to better effect. Try using the flat of your tongue to give the clitoris more overall contact and don't be afraid to let some of the weight of your head add a little pressure. The rest of the details you can work out for yourself.

demonicsexkitten 41F
10671 posts
1/31/2006 4:25 pm

i like this post. Now i'm curious how well it will work... sounds promising.

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