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Confessions of an asshole
Confessions of an asshole
Hey, I'm an asshole, I admit it. Why else would I be here? I mean, I'm supposedly happily married... and I AM! I'm in one of those soul-mate type relationships. You know, the kind most of you will probably NEVER EXPERIENCE. If relationships is what you're looking for, if you're lonely and looking for love, well it will please you to know that I have found IT. Or rather, it found ME. We were, quite literally, DESTINED for one another.
I have what many, many people - most people? - believe they most deeply treasure and desire, yet I am still not totally satisfied. I want what all those sleazy scumbags out there have, too. I want to preserve my relationship, while at the same time screwing around at will. To hell with all you singles. Like most people, you're probably just a buncha jerks. Really, take a good, long hard look at yourselves and tell me it ain't so. Just as they say "youth is wasted on the young," I say that sex is wasted on the single, especially the young and single.
Seriously, people are dying every day in pursuit of and due to lack of exactly what I have. Sure, I'm gloating, but I said I was an asshole, didn't I? So go cry your eyes out, losers! I'll probably never get the sexy fun I seek and I can live with that, I really can. Can you live with being alone all your life; or, much worse, trapped in an endless string of unfulfilling half-assed relationships that never go anywhere and only drain you in the end? Didn't think so. Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!
In fact, come to think of it, one of the great pleasures I have in this crappy life (yeah, I have found GREAT LOVE yet I still think that life is crappy - because it IS!) is knowing that all those sexcapades you swinger jerks (really, I insult because I envy, that much should be clear - this is prime asshole behavior) out there are having are ultimately dissatisfying (well most of the sex, some of it HAS to be good, right?). Pleasure is overrated, my friends, and your precious orgasms last but a few seconds and generally leave you feeling only depleted and that much more alone when you realize that they haven't really brought you any closer to another person. Aside from the dubious pleasure (I have explained elsewhere how a simple head scritching can be as pleasurable as sex, which renders anything but the best sex obsolete) that sex brings and that highly overrated orgasm that is its supposed apex/climax/acme, etc. , sex has little to offer. Sure, sure, all that "dirty" stuff, the naked thrill of it all.
Now, I try my best to not be judgmental when it comes to people's physcial appearance, that's the area where I'm less of an asshole than anywhere else, but ya gotta admit that the "naked sexy fun" and illicit thrill that sex offers is really only something to brag about when at least one party is fairly attractive looking. If sexing it up means romping with some sagging, blotchy skinned trashy slut then no thank you, I'm not having any. I mean, I have SEEN those swinger clubs, people, what a bunch of UGLY FREAKS! Well, for the most part. Here in my town there's this place called "The Swim Club" or something like that. I took the video tour online recently and it is nothing short of VOMITOUS! I mean, I like round, plump women, I really do, but NOT as a preference, and not the kind of destitute, bovine fatness that most women have. An attractive plump women is as rare as an attractive skinny woman. It takes a certain special quality to pass muster. Not that I have really high standards, I like a woman with some miles on her, a natural, REAL woman, and ones that are TOO attractive bug me because they clearly see themselves as better than me. I've gotten off track jere, all I wanted to say in that section was that if getting the sex I seek means accepting what most other people accept in order to get it, then count me out.
What was I trying to say here? Hell, I don't know. I'm just spouting off like assholes tend to do. I just wanted to let anyone who reads this know that chances are very, very good that what I have is better than anything you have or ever will have. And still, despite it all, I am trawling for sexcapades even though it may screw up the thing I have that so few people ever find. To paraphrase Muddy Waters, now ain't that an asshole?