The introspection: Unconditional love  

savoyman1977 39M
96 posts
5/1/2005 6:25 pm

Last Read:
10/11/2011 8:16 pm

The introspection: Unconditional love


****This was an attempt at understanding my feelings. I wrote this on one of the first nights that I had my daughter all to myself after her mom and I split.****

It still causes a flutter to look into my daughter’s eyes. Why, I don't know, I don't expect or want to understand it. Sometimes it is better left not understood, you just accept that fact. That is an interesting statement isn't it? To think that the people who are supposed to be your most intimate have no real clue as to what really makes you tick. Sometimes, you get so tied up in being what they want you to be that you lose sight of yourself and suddenly, you realize that you have no idea who you are. Those are the times you can actually see yourself meeting... yourself... for the very first time when you look in the mirror. Have you ever felt that way? You can almost see yourself mouthing the words... Hi, I'm.... And then you realize that it is you in the mirror and you don't know the person you are staring at. I feel like putting into words what has been tumbling in my head doing somersaults on the thoughts and feelings that I have held so close for so long. I have realized how utterly miserable I have been over the last couple of years and how much joy I have pulled from one that is so small and seemingly insignificant in the world, but yet she means so much to me. I hold her and I feel her breathe against me and I realize that I so want to find a woman who cares enough about me to hold me the same way she did and take comfort from knowing that I was there to hold her regardless of what ever happens. I find it sad that the only real true love I have felt comes from my daughter, and she knows not what it means, she just knows I am there, and I want her to be happy. I have been married twice, and I have had 2 relationships otherwise that have lasted more than 2 years, and the closest I have ever felt to anyone is how I felt to my daughter tonight when she fell asleep in my arms. That is what I want. That is what I am looking for. The woman who I can get to know inside and out and desires for me to hold her with the same unconditional love that my daughter does, but obviously on a different level. That is what my newest journey is all about, the goal hanging there in front of me, yet so far away. I think it is the start of a catharsis for me. I believe I am beginning to understand how and why I have been in misery for so long, and I am truly reaching an understanding of what I have been going through mentally for some time now. I am suddenly very aware of what will make me happy and not what will just appease me or is easy. I want my life to be easy. I want for everything to be laid out and my life before me visible in its entirety. I want to know what will happen to push me into despair. I want to know the choices to make for happiness to be by my side, but I find myself inadequately prepared to find my way. I am lost in a deep, dark forest, with only parts of my senses to guide my way. My life has not matured enough to give me the wisdom to interpret all of the feelings that have been enveloping me. I try, but I do not understand everything that I need to travel on through the forest. I have a small glimmer of hope to light my way, but I lack the knowledge to grow it into the great beam that I seek.

69ugotme69 29F

10/11/2011 12:29 am

UR SO VERY LUCKY N U SHOULD B PROUD OF UR LIL ANGEL... IM SURE SHE LOVES U NO MATTER WAT OR WAT PEOPLE SSAAYY.

I DON'T KNOW U OR UR LIFE BUT THIS ONE MADE ME CCCCCRRRRRRYYYYYY, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT U MEAN. I STILL CRY BUT MINE KEEPS ME FROM THE FALLING OFF THE LEDGE. SHE TELLS ME "MOMMY DNT CRY I JUST WANT U TO BE HAPPY". N HUGS ME HOLDING ME N TAKING MY PAIN N EVIL AWAY HOW CAN SOMEONE SO SMALL N INNOCENT HAVE THAT AFFECT ON SOMEONE. THEN I REALIZED THERE REALLY IS A GOD N HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN HEAR I JUST WAS TOOOO SELFISH BUT I WAS *FACED WITH REALITY* MY DAUGHTER IS A GIFT FROM GOD EVEN THO HER FATHER N I MADE HER N HE CAN TAKE HER BACK ANYTIME THAT WAS WHEN I KNEW I WOULD AND WAS GOING TO GIVE UP ANYTHING FOR HER. . . UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. . .

CONGRATULATIONS JUST AS I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON YOU HAVE LEARNED YOURS TOO........ BUT STILL MORE NEEDS TO B LEARNED

~iAmWhAtIaM~~uThInKuDeSeRvEmE~~DONTTELLMESHOWME~


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