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First Love (cont')
First Love (cont')
Can you remember the emotions that you felt when you first hold your gf’s hand? I can. The softness of the flesh, the warmth when two hands clasped together, the fragileness of her small hand in my big rough one, just like using a pair of pliers to hold a delicate glassware.
At that point in time, she was still hurting from the breakup with her ex. Every other day, she cried. Since young, I have been sensitive to others’ emotional state. Though I never been through any breakup before, I could picture myself into her state and understand her emotions.
One situation stood out. We were alone in her house and she was crying. I can tell that she was trying to hold her emotions in check cos I was around. She dun want to hurt me by showing the fact that she still care about the ex. I told her, if you feel like calling your ex, go ahead. No point crying so bad, miss him so much, and do nothing about it. I exited from the room to let her make the call in private. What had been left unsaid is “if you two get back together, you had my blessing”. I waited in the hall.
After half an hour, she came out. I can still feel the fear coursing through me now. The first words she said “Thank you for trusting me so much, I called him. We just talk about how we are now. That’s all”. Imagine the relief I felt. We are still an item.
We made love the first time that nite. She is my first while I am her second. Funny situation that was. My “bro” can’t perform. It was just too soft to perform. Dunno whether it is due to the inexperience, anticipation or anxiety that it was my first time. I was so ashamed and dejected. She kept telling me that it’s ok, we can try later. But I just wasn’t in the mood to listen to that.
As I could not cope with my poly works, I put in and concentrated more time and efforts into this relationship. You may be wondering why I did so then, since I do not love her at all. Reason being that I am the type of person who feels more comfortable taking care of another person and being given the chance to do so.
Since young, I had been required to help out with the household chores as my parents were hawkers who work long hours. So whenever I visited or stayed over at my gf’s house (her elder sis, herself and her bro only), I would help to do whatever chores needed. Can you imagine a kitchen sink full of plates, with leftover food still intact (left there by the bro). That is not so bad. The worst part is that some of those leftover food had rot and molded! What to do, just wash up and bare with it.
Money was a big issue then. With just S$200 to cover every expenses, there was no way she could cope. For me not so bad. My parents provided me with about S$400 per month, just for expenses purpose. But even then, there were some months when we do not have enough. Have you tried using S$2 to have a meal for 2 persons and have enough left to take a bus from Ang Mo Kio to Jurong (Bus 157). We went to buy a packet of maggi mee and left the minimum S$0.60 for my bus fare back home. On the way back home on the bus, kept on seeing whether any fare inspector board the bus! Phweee….. none did.
My parents had opened a S$10K saving account for me but had warned me against using the Money as it is for my further education purposes. So when the Money is not enough, I started to use the Money from the saving acc. By the end of the relationship, the saving acc was only left with S$2000. Money worth spending? Well spend? You decide.
Meeting Time…. Cont’ soon.