Profound emptiness...  

ryanrdl 38M
31 posts
8/10/2005 7:19 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Profound emptiness...


There are dark places where darker things hide. They sit and wait. Their eyes burn cold and hollow and they can smell weakness. They are the sorrow, the bitterness, and the anger. If you have ever felt drained of energy, apathetic, or lonely then you have felt their cold embrace.

This feeling in unexplainable. The knot in my stomach twists and turns and I almost lack the energy to keep my head up. I do not know what triggered their attack today only that to the very core of my soul I feel empty, alone.

"It is a phase."
"It will pass."
"Think of happy things."
"You are loved."

These are the thoughts that skitter across the shell of my soul but fail to breach the abrasive outer shell. By the morning I will have regained myself. The alcohol weakens me an allows these emotions to surface. It is the night that brings the ravages of emotion.

As I sit here I contemplate why these feelings wash over me every few weeks. The answer is readily apparant. I take my emotions and I bottle them up, seal them tight, lock them away. Showing emotion is showing weakness and I can not show weakness. A river may meander peacefully but once dammed it will eventually rage powerfully and push through that which keeps it from its true destination.

Am I dammed? Am I damned? Am I alone?

Ryan

LovableEclectic 59F

8/13/2005 12:07 pm

You are not damned. You are only alone if you choose to be. If you don't feel comfortable showing emotion you might try sharing instead. It can be truly liberating.


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