The Great Pizza Debate  

romeoMEETSjuliet 51M/51F
142 posts
1/14/2006 8:03 pm

Last Read:
3/24/2006 12:31 am

The Great Pizza Debate

Isn’t that what all relationships eventually break down to? Is this not the single most important hurdle to overcome when choosing to spend time with someone? The question that belies all the hidden secrets of the known universe? What do you want on your pizza?

For the purpose of discussion here, we will narrow the playing field to disallow children from the selection process. An easy decision, since most venues don’t offer Cap’n Crunch as a viable pizza topping. We will also eliminate the so called California new age pizzas, sporting different colored sauces, tofu, or ganja. For clarification, we are talking only about the traditional tomato sauce on white crust, red blooded American pie.

When sharing a pizza with a member of the opposite sex, at least in the early stages of a relationship, a certain etiquette is in order. Mainly, this mandates avoiding anchovies, onions, and extra garlic. As a matter of courtesy, this ranks up there with pretending neither one of you ever takes a dump. So go the unspoken rules between singles. Fair enough, no stinky toppings.

Most people probably dance around the subject in the early stages. They might mask their own preferences by suggesting “Whatever you want will be just fine.” But one of the ground rules we established even before we met face to face was that we would try to avoid placating each other. “Brutal honesty. I can take it” became our creed. And sitting in a pizza joint was no time to start pulling punches.

She maintains that she has an open mind and is willing to have almost any of the house toppings on her pizza. But if given a choice, she is inclined towards ham and pineapple, or maybe pepperoni and mushroom. Black olives are acceptable upon request. He maintains that he too has an open mind, open to any pizza topping that contains meat. Pepperoni, sausage, ham, ground beef, crumbled bacon, or perhaps maybe a pork chop. “Vegetables,” he summarizes, “belong at the salad bar. And pineapple is for Hawaiian cook outs.”

So we sat smiling at each other across our sauce encrusted menus. Could this be our first argument? Or at least our first disagreement? Handing the kids more quarters to continue feeding the Mortal Combat game, we hold hands and laugh. “Brutal honesty suddenly leaves me hungry” she says. In the interest of mature bargaining and seeking resolution to our mini crisis, we discussed the options.

Maybe we get the pie half and half. But this is hardly acceptable, since we know all artery clogging substances are magnetically drawn to an otherwise pristine and healthy crust, as if the cheese wasn’t lethal enough. We could order two small pizzas for ourselves, and the Cap’n Crunch deluxe for the kids. But that seemed somewhat impersonal. Oh, what to do.

Eventually we came to a compromise. Technically, we flipped a coin, but it was still a compromise. We would take turns naming toppings, with the last topping to be named “Done.” And as is politically incorrect, she would choose first.

Her: Ham! (Devilish grin of success radiating like garlic through the pours of her skin.)

Him: I suppose I can live with black olives... this time. (A brazenly selfless act.)

Her: Awww. You care. (Bats eyelashes.) I suppose one night of sausage won’t kill me. I’ll just skip lunch for the next week.

Him: They can go ahead and put mushrooms on it, I guess. (Breathes heavy sigh.) The damn things evaporate when they cook anyways.

Her: (Kisses his forehead.) Done! How do you feel about garlic fries?

Him: On my pizza? No thanks.

Mortal combat indeed. That was some scary stuff. Not that either of us would roll over and give up too easy. We headed down the sidewalk to Baskin Robbins next where we discussed sharing a sundae. You want what kind of toppings with that? Oh Lord.

RailBaron2 54M

1/14/2006 8:37 pm

The Force is strong with you tonight! I ordered a Extra large meatlovers pizza for myself a couple of hours ago.a simple meat & cheese pizza from our local "Pizza Factory" & They deliver!
Try useing the K.I.S.S. method in the above situation- Keep It Simple Sweetie- You can't go wrong.

romeoMEETSjuliet 51M/51F
162 posts
1/14/2006 9:01 pm

He says - Ha! The voice of reason comes to my side! Crap Jim, if you were short, busty, and female, we could have so much fun.

romeoMEETSjuliet 51M/51F
162 posts
1/14/2006 9:04 pm

She says - Umm, Ahhemm Do you guys need to be alone?

NickRules999 39M
9462 posts
1/14/2006 10:45 pm

I like to keep my pizza simple. Just cheese and pepperoni on mine.

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?

pinkplaytoyz 49F

1/14/2006 11:34 pm

Pizza and chivalry...a new era has dawned!

helperjohn 59M

1/15/2006 12:08 am

Love pizza are you to the toppings, The I Love to eat it all

romeoMEETSjuliet 51M/51F
162 posts
1/15/2006 12:10 am

She says - Pink... would you order different? Gawd, taming them takes time!

Nick, he'll meet you by the foos ball table. *Sigh*

helperjohn 59M

1/15/2006 12:10 am

sorry will you 2 be the toppings I will keep cum back intill you say no more PLASE !

bardicman 50M

1/15/2006 11:16 am

Canadian Bacon (ham) and Pineapple.. Its the Piece de resistance...

I am not dead yet

rm_Blue_Leopard 43F

1/15/2006 11:33 am

I love veggie pizza (black olives, NOT green!) but I'm also highly carnivorous, so I compromise. Besides, meat-based pizzas are best eaten hot, while veggie pizza is best when cold the next morning for breakfast.

Why are you looking at me like that? Oh, please, like you never had cold leftover pizza for breakfast?

bulging_boy 49M

1/15/2006 3:51 pm


Ranks up there with taking a dump!



RailBaron2 54M

1/15/2006 8:26 pm

ROFLMAO> Romeo-Women are creatures of EMOTION ,We are Creatures of Reason.USE the K.I.S.S. method in this case ( leans over & whispers in HIS Ear- give the Lady what she wants or at least most of what she wants.) A actual Kiss may be needed.
Juliet- Trust me- You only think you can tame us

RailBaron2 54M

1/15/2006 8:28 pm

P.S.- Romeo- My Ex was a Vegatarian- If its Green I either Mow it or Spray it with Round Up.In Don't eat it.

romeoMEETSjuliet 51M/51F
162 posts
1/15/2006 11:41 pm

He says - We love you Pink. You pick the toppings.

John, we have all the toppings we need. But a man can dream.

The Bard, what happened to male bonding? Pineapples on a pie? Oh, shoot me now.

Mr Bulge, so far as I can tell, in five days, she hasn't crapped yet. Ya think I should be concerned?

Jim, Men need the touch. Women need the words. All of us in between are screwed. Pass me a shovel.

bardicman 50M

1/16/2006 7:48 am

Male bonding is a good thing Romeo. A damn good thing. Yet.. Canadian Bacon and Pineapple... Its like a good glazed country cured ham.

Now if you really want a good pizza pie..

Canadian Bacon
Italian Sausage
Onions (and then a few more onions)
Green Olives
Black Olives

XXX Cheese

Oh god.

I am not dead yet

romeoMEETSjuliet 51M/51F
162 posts
1/16/2006 8:12 pm

She pokes her finger down her throat mocking the urge to gag. Why don't you just hook up an IV to a tub of Crisco? And don't forget the salt lick. Aaaaagh.

He says - I could skip the green olives, but I wouldn't be opposed to extra garlic or maybe some thin sliced tomatoes grilled with that masterpiece. That would be a fine pie indeed.

And Leopard, nothing says good morning like cold sausage and congealed cheese. Truly the breakfast of champions. Cheers!

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