Why Women Leave  

rockwriter58 56M
1524 posts
1/4/2006 7:57 am

Last Read:
3/27/2006 8:46 am

Why Women Leave

Many of the problems on this website between people have a root cause: the inability of men to deal with rejection.

The sequence works two ways. In the first one, a man notices a woman and sends some mail. Then nothing. No response. Feeling ignored and slighted, the man responds with a bombardment of rude, insulting mailings. In the second, a man sends a come-on that just doesn’t work. There are a variety of reasons that may happen, but regardless, the woman sends back a rejection. It might be a nice rejection or a bitchy rejection, but it is rejection, just the same. Then the man responds by sending insulting e-mails back to the woman, sometimes in an escalating cycle of meanness.

The truth is that women are buried in new mail from horny guys everyday here. Their reaction to that amount of horny mail varies. However, when the cycle of nasty mailings starts there is usually little variance. The women leave. When the numbers are already ten or twenty men to every woman who might be interested, the guys can’t afford for any of them to leave. But the testosterone gets the better of us, I suppose.

(The remainder will conclude inside.)

(This entry NEVER appeared on the main blogboard due to a morning blogjam on Jan. 4, but this author chose not to repost.)


rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
1/4/2006 7:58 am

Part II

Of course, these issues go up a notch on the intensity scale when race factors into the rejection. The tolerance of folks here to allow others to make personal choices often seems low. African-American men get upset with women who don’t want them based strictly on race. Asian men get upset with women who don’t want them for the same reason. And the list goes onward. Likewise, some women who are black, Latina, or Asian won’t have anything to do with white men. And there are women who say they won’t have anything to do with a man who admits to having sex outside of his racial group.

When rejection crosses racial boundaries, sometimes the intensity of the reaction can be nuclear.

I delve into this thorny thicket of a subject because a platonic friend of mine on the site is having these problems and she’s thinking about leaving. She is just the type of woman this site needs: beautiful, hot, willing, and importantly she has met and scored with men from this site. But she’s thinking about leaving because of the intensity of hate mail she is getting lately from guys she rejects. Some, but not all of those rejections have crossed racial lines.

She’s a Latina. I have several platonic Latina friends here and outside the site. (Hell, my wife is a Latina, so I know something about crossing racial lines with Latinas!) And I agreed to raise the topic for my Latina friend, no matter the consequences.

She has a preference. She likes white men. So lately her in-box has been filling with men talking about her perceived prejudice. Why doesn’t she like Latin men? Why not black men? But the questions haven’t come in those civil terms.

From my perspective, as someone who has crossed this divide with African-American women, Asian women, and Latinas, I think it is wonderful to have varied tastes. Sometimes one taste can be stronger than another. But sometimes folks just want vanilla and nothing but. That’s their choice. I wouldn’t want to force my choice on someone else and I certainly wouldn’t want that person forcing theirs on me.

But to have such a preferences, is it a sign of prejudice? Some folks feel it is.

I think it falls into that category when people become judgmental. How do people react when they see a black man with a white woman? How do they feel when a white man is with an Asian woman? How about a Latino with an African-American woman? Personally, I wish them all well. But some folks make judgments about those pairings. That’s when it moves into the zone of prejudice.

But choosing a sex partner can’t be equated with democracy; there is no guarantee of equitable treatment. If every woman had to make herself available to every man no matter age, sex, creed, or color, well, then women wouldn’t be able to walk down the street. Choosing a sex partner is very personal. Just because you are white doesn’t mean every white person qualifies. I am an equal opportunity rejecter: white women, black women, and Latinas, I’ve said “no” to all types of women who did not register on my sexual meter no matter the color. And I’m a guy. Women obviously have plenty more opportunities to do this rejecting.

Which brings us back to rejection. Why do men need to use insulting, abusive, and sometimes scary language and threats when women reject them? It happens here and it happens outside of this virtual space. It is not all just the chemicals and hormones that we say rule our bodies. It is a choice.

Personally, I choose tolerance. If there were more tolerance and understanding, more women would stay in this place and feel safer about making sexual choices here. And isn’t that why most folks came here: to make that most personal choice of all, the choice of a sex partner? Think about it before you fire off that angry response.

¬© ♪rockwriter58♪


rm_Blue_Leopard 43F

1/4/2006 9:33 am

*stands up and APPLAUDS Rocky*

DAMN right!


rm_Blue_Leopard 43F

1/4/2006 9:34 am

Now that I take a good look.. it's been a LONG time since I saw Druuna. God/dess, I miss my HEAVY METAL collection!


NickRules999 39M
9462 posts
1/4/2006 11:14 am

You are so right! The assholes on this site who insult women who either rejected them or don't respond are ruining it for the rest of us.

I, myself, have written many women. Not one has written back. I do get bummed, but I move on. There might be some women who find me appealing. Usually, it's in the chat room.

Now, when it comes to colour, I, myself, am picky. Does that make me a racist? Fuck no! I ham it up with blacks, whites, Asians, and Latinas all the time. I'm not presently into black women, but if I ever got the chance to fuck Tyra Banks, I'd jump at it with both feet.

I love Latina women. From my crush on Rosie Perez back when I was a kid, to lusting after Eva Longoria on Desperate Housewives today.

And, if your friend is who I think it is, then there will be a lot of men who'll be broken hearted if she left, myself included. I try to visit her blog when I can, and I love her pics and her videos. I have seen the stuff angry guys wrote about her, though, and it is a shame. She has a preferrence. I respect it.

I, myself, had a friendship end coz I stated a preferrence in women. I have never been into big women. I think it stems from my 4th grade teacher, who was big, and the worst person I knew. She always targeted me for some reason. Whoops, I seem to have gone off the subject, there.

I had this friend who I was in a long distance relationship with, I told her my preferrence in women, and it turned into a falling out. We hadn't spoke since. When I think about it, it still hurts. But, do I shun them outright? No! I have friends in big women who respect my preferrences. They know I'm good to talk to, and they're ok with it.

It sucks that women are leaving in droves coz of these self important assholes. Guys like Sabre, who I'm sure beats his meat when he throws insults at PrincessKarma and everyone else. Guys like that Woody guy who hurt Monette so bad that she disappeared forever. This is a disturbing cycle, and it's gotta stop.

Thanks, Rockwriter. This is a great post, and I'm glad I could contribute in anyway, shape, or form on it.

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?


GleesFlakyShawl 50M
1620 posts
1/4/2006 11:40 am

i also think when u have such a disparity (ranges of 20 to 1 or even worse, plus the fact a significant portion of women are here to explore their bi side ....i know thats not the case with ur friend), reporting male members for hate mail can become a full-time job

maybe our friends at P.A need to do a better job targeting ladies here.......


helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
1/4/2006 11:50 am

Rocky... bravo for tackling this rather prickly topic. While I may not state openly on my profile what my racial preferences may be, I do get some aggressive feedback from guys when I'm in the chatrooms and I decline their advances. I just wish a simple "thanks, but no thanks" would be enough for some people.

I'm sad to hear that it's a big enough problem that women consider leaving. Personally I'd report the abuse to the powers that be in A F F Towers, and be seriously tempted to out the idiots in my blog, which I sometimes do, although I've not named names to date. However, if I got hassled again by the same people, I wouldn't hesitate to blow their cover. Why protect their butts when they're hassling mine for no reason other than hurt male pride?

H {=}

PS. And a Happy New Year to you too, hun!

Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥


007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
1/4/2006 2:28 pm

I love to see a man attack the issues of racial inequalities here on this site. You have men wanting to have us black women as closet capers. I hardly ever get black men hating on me because of my preferences of white men. The most trouble I have is the white men who are ashamed to be associated with me. The men who are afraid the white girls won’t want them because they dealt with a black woman.

Hell what people don’t realize is that some of their ancestors are also our ancestors. We all know that slave owners were fucking the slave girls and yet they bitch when they see a white man with a black woman or a white woman with a black man. Look who started that chain.

Bottom line is we all have our likes and dislikes. I don’t dislike black men I just prefer not to be intimate. I will party my ass off with my people, do what I can to help them. And many wonder why I want a white man over my husband, but little do they know that my husband is not black.

Great post Rocky!!

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"


whathusband 43F

1/5/2006 6:01 am

You hit the nail on the head Rock. I also have a good idea of who your friend is and it would be sad if she let those idiots chase her away. I know she has fun and there are plenty of sane people here, male and female, that enjoy her wit, charm, and beauty. Thanks for bringing this touchy subject up for discussion. That's what I admire most about you.


rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
1/5/2006 8:09 am

>>>Thanks for all the thoughtful comments. Great to see the discussion is at an extremely high plane.

>>>Thanks for the compliment [blog straightten2002]. That means a lot. But I cannot tell it better than you.

>>>Thanks for your comments whathusband. They mean a lot too. I’m not going to reveal my Latina muse for this, but there are various Latinas here with similar feelings.

>>>Great to see you HH. Yes, it can get rather aggressive all over this site and a simple, “thanks, but no thanks” should always be enough. But as we know, it isn’t. And I would be careful about “outing” aggressive men. As we have learned recently, that can backfire. (See: Save Princess Karma! and Knuckledraggers Weekly #3.)

>>>Good points, katya. It does boil down to communication and trust. And respecting the decisions of others. Anger is not going to reverse a rejection.

>>>Thanks for your comments Dark Lord Nick and your honesty. Yes, height and weight are also part of this too. And folks do make choices based on those. I would have to say many of my rejections were based more on these dimensional factors, and usually because the woman didn’t have the curves that turn me on so much.

>>>Thanks to [blog dz2502] too. Yes, age is also one of those rejection factors, but as we know, some folks get a turn-on from that disparity rather than a turn-off. Different strokes for different folks, as the cliché goes.

>>>Thank you, Blue_Leopard.

You obviously have sharp eyes and a long memory.


GleesFlakyShawl 50M
1620 posts
1/5/2006 11:10 am

rock, may be i mis-express (what a surprise, lol) but i meant there are 20 or more men per woman in this site..... didnt mention age at all, altho did someone mention cougars? lmao


RailBaron2 54M

1/5/2006 4:15 pm

Rockwriter- Happy New Year to you! I'm afraid there are several that have left HBGirl, Bella,Others are M.I.B.( Missing In Blogland)
the Ladies Have preferences just as us Guys do. I had a Gold Membership for a month & was able to read a lot of profiles Some are friends in my network, some wern't interested , I have even rejected a couple in my time here but I try to be civil about it. Unfortunatly there seem to be a few boys on this site that think it is ok to treat the ladies here quite poorly & I see no sense in it.


Phineas2005 48M
854 posts
1/5/2006 6:00 pm

Do I hear an amen for Brother Rockwriter?

Amen. o

But it's the nature of the beast. You get this more here since these guys can hid behind their computers. They would not dare do this face to face.

Guys get rejected all the time (and yes, even the famous, rich, and hung) so when they get it here, instead of the bar, party, etc., they take all their frustrations here becuase it's safe, and unload.

A fun topic is what happens when a female gets rejected. But that's another story....


Efilnikufecin69 47M

1/6/2006 8:06 am

You are absolutely right Rock! Amen brother(P.S. Where can I get that DRUUNA pic at?)

Good stuff!


rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
1/6/2006 9:34 am

>>>[blog Dysgyzed]... Thanks for the compliments. I do think the advice on not engaging the angry men may in the end be for the best. But we know you could win if you decided to sling some nukes.

>>>Welcome to [blog Phineas2005]... who is quite insightful. Yes, when you can hide behind the technology, it can embolden even the worst of us.

>>>Welcome also to Rail Baron... yes, also sage advice... when possible rejection should come with some civility.

>>>Also welcome to Efilnikufecin69... Thanks for those Amens. (Although I suppose [blog Phineas2005] actually started that chorus officially.)

As for Druuna... I found her floating on the web, although I have done a bit of editing.

>>>Finally, [blog dz2502]... no you wrote it correctly, but in my addled old age, I comprehended it incorrectly. Pardon me for that. I’m not sure about cougars, but I think someone mentioned leopards.


rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
1/9/2006 8:37 am

>>>[blog mzhunyhole]... Always good to see one of the queens of BlogLand back in this territory. Thank you for your heartfelt comments. Unfortunately, I don't think many of the unenlightened will venture this far into the discussion.

>>>Welcome, harley... I do think the frustration gets to many men here. The only solution I know about for men is patience. Peristance is good, but you have to know when to move along to someone else too. I think if you put your mind to it, you can have success here in three or four months. (I need to write more about my experience to that end, I suppose.) Recently, I have read some blogs from men in their forties who were here for a week or two and they succeeded. So as usual, some of it is timing and talent too. Good luck.


Phineas2005 48M
854 posts
1/10/2006 3:09 pm

Some of my best friends here, first, declined my invitations. I guess I grow on you, like fungus.


spoldrtn812 51F  
1056 posts
1/13/2006 2:20 pm

THANK YOU!!!! I HAPPEN TO HAVE PREFERENCES THAT ONLY EXTEND TO MY SEXUAL INTERACTION. I AM VERY SPECIFIC IN MY PROFILE AND I GET THE UGLY MAIL ON A REGULAR BASIS.

THE BOTTOM LINE FOR ME IS I HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH IN A RELATIONSHIP IN GENERAL, WHY ADD ANOTHER ISSUE?

I HAVE DATED MEN FROM VARIOUS RACES EACH ONE MANAGED TO QUIZ ME ABOUT "WHY BLACK PEOPLE DO THIS AND WHY DO BLACK PEOPLE DO THAT" THOSE TYPES OF QUESTIONS ARE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR ME BECAUSE I AM NOT QUALIFIED TO SPEAK FOR THE MASSES!

I HAVE SEVERAL WHITE MALE PLATONIC FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS AND WE INTERACT FAMOUSLY MY GRANDFATHER HAPPENS TO BE A WHITE MALE. I PREFER AND CHOOSE WHAT FITS BEST FOR ME.

I REMAIN OPEN-MINDED BECAUSE "TRUE-LOVE' KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES AND MY GOD HAS THAT KINDA SENSE OF HUMOR BUT AS LONG AS I'M CHOOSING THAT IS MY OPTION.

I SUPPOSE I COULD GIVE YOU "WAR STORIES" TO JUSTIFY MY CHOICES BUT IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO RESPECT.

IF I AM CLEAR ON WHAT MY PREFERENCES ARE AND YOU IGNORE THEM, THAT IMMEDIATELY TELLS ME YOU WON'T HEAR ANYTHING ELSE I'LL SAY TO YOU. THAT IS A RED FLAG FOR ME.

I HOPE MEN WILL READ THE VARIOUS RESPONSES AND ADJUST THEIR BEHAVIOR ACCORDINGLY BUT CHASE ME AWAY HELL NO I HAVE WAYYYY TOOOO MUCH FUNNN!

Please, Sign my Guestbook Screw me!


digdug41 49M

2/8/2006 4:44 pm

rock you are right on point and I am sorry I'm missed this when you first posted it if a girl dont want me I am on to the next one simp[le as that cant let that get to me I hope alot of people have seen this and can relate its on point big time

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
2/10/2006 9:09 am

>>>digdug41... glad to see you back in the pages of this blog. I know you’ve been going through some heavy stuff. I hope you do find the one that is right for you. Success will come your way. We know you are a gentleman about these things.

>>>spoldrtn812... welcome... sorry that is a delayed welcome... but welcome nevertheless.... Glad to see you are one of the brave ones. I hope your deserving choices honor your wishes and give you the respect you deserve.


sexysiren1957 59F
20 posts
2/20/2006 1:24 pm

I rarely get ugly emails from men, but when I do I just don't respond to them and I thank my lucky stars that I was NOT interested. I really don't understand why men get angry when they are not chosen. I would never get rude if a man was not attracted to me. I do not want to meet with someone who is not attracted to me! There are plenty of other fish in the sea, not to mention many other sites like this one. Getting mad just makes the woman very,very glad that she was not interested in you.


greatnsexy69 47M

3/13/2006 7:51 pm

It's the internet. People get balls behind a keyboard. Alot of the time they are not even angry at the target of their flame (internet slang for angry post or message). You just happened to be that lucky person in their target at that time. Other times they just want to get some reaction no matter what it is.


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