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The Early Stages of Man on AFF (Redux)
The Early Stages of Man on AFF (Redux)
(Summer is the time for movie sequels and television repeats. This is my first repeated post in this blog and it is running so readers can easily link it to its sequel -- The Middle Stages of Man on AFF -- which is posted below. This post is running unchanged from the original except for font size in some sections.)
(To the kind folks who keep asking what my experience has been like here so far, this is an abbreviated diary.)
"The Sound of Silence"
There is much scurrying about and looking around. That kid in the candy store feeling is in your gut when you first get here. Looking at pictures (and profiles if you are more than a standard member.) Soon you are shooting e-mails everywhere. No one bothers to reply. No one looks at your profile.
"Invasion of the Pornbots"
Eventually you discover some of your early choices were unwise. Those who are here to send you spam or get you to buy services from other sites descend on your inbox. This is when you discover how to report problems to technical assistance.
"The Age of Discovery"
You find that the website is more than pictures, profiles and e-mail. You start reading the blogs and magazine section. You read (and maybe post, if you are brave) in the discussion boards. You swim through some chat rooms. Mostly people still ignore you or treat you as the newbie that you are here.
You discover the nifty network feature. ("Aaahh, a way to communicate with those elusive standard members," you think to yourself.) You start inviting folks. Lo and behold, a few join your network. When folks join, you get very excited. (Early in the process I had no declines, which made it even more exciting.) Then you discover those folks will never talk to you again. Back to the drawing board.
(The remaining stages will be listed inside.)
(This entry NEVER appeared on the main blogboard due to an evening blogjam on July 14. However, this author would NEVER consider reposting a repeat. What author would? )
7/14/2005 5:29 pm
"Enter the System Cops"
Like any community a virtual community has those who set the standards and make sure they are policed. If you are married and looking (like me) that hangs a target on your back in some places here. Be careful. You won't just be verbally assaulted in public posts. You will get e-mail. (From men and women alike.) You discover you need to be very careful about what you write and post, unless you want to deal with the verbal assault. And is that why you really came here?
"Siren Call of the Courtesans"
Just when the cops leave, you stumble on the areas where the courtesans thrive. (Call them hookers, prostitutes or some other euphemism. They are here.) Report them, but their profiles never seem to disappear. (Others report success at getting these profiles removed, if so, contact me and I'll send you screen names. I've had no luck.) I have stories about the exchanges that will fill a post... for now... let's just say it is good to get this phase behind you.
"Calling Ms. Mismatch"
Women aren't the only ones who get unsolicited mail from folks who do not match their profiles. Some of these appear to be leftovers from the previous stage (Are they sharing your handle and telling stories? Who knows?). Some are just sending out massive mailings to folks. This is when you get to put your kindness to work when you decline. (What you've been wishing you would get in some of your rejection e-mails.)
Friends of both genders emerge (virtually) both locally and long distance. You have real discussions via e-mail and on the discussion boards. These folks are (usually) not interested in pairing up with you, but they give great advice. You start revising your profile. A lot.
By now, given your experiences, you may have doubts about all this, and self-doubt too. Then someone adds you to their hotlist. Great! Your heart leaps. (And I apologize, I hope I don't get deleted for revealing this.) But then you notice that person lives in another country. Somewhere you haven't been in a long time. So you are pleased and honored and send off some nice e-mail. But it is certainly a mixed blessing. That isn't why you came either. (Nice ego stroke though.)
"You've Got Mail"
Finally. Someone you have a real interest in starts up at least some small talk via e-mail. Your heart leaps. Maybe this has potential after all.
(Obviously, each person's experience is different. Some of these stages overlap, and you may dance back and forth between them. This is where I am so far. I'm looking forward to the next stages.)
(This is a repeat of a post that ran originally on April 8. This post links directly to the following post: "The Middle Stages of Man on AdultFriendFinder." )
8/15/2005 10:05 am
I have experienced the exact things you've described, interesting!|
8/27/2005 12:50 pm
I smiled, I laughed, I learned like a student does when things that are very true strike home.|
11/4/2005 11:35 am
this is an awesome post. i will have to visit it from time to time to remind myself of where i am and where i want to go. thanks a mil..|
12/13/2005 9:36 am
One of the best posts I've read.|