Centennial Report: The TATTLER* Aids BlogLand Refugees  

rockwriter58 56M
1524 posts
9/12/2005 10:24 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Centennial Report: The TATTLER* Aids BlogLand Refugees

For other TATTLER reports covering the ongoing flood crisis in BlogLand, check these entries: Monster Storm Strikes Southern BlogLand!; [post 88270]; The Truth About The Tattler Story; [post 88766]; and BarbieBunny69--The Caped Crusader Anti-Hero Reporting for duty!.


A flood has hit BlogLand while [blog sexyfitwoman] is visiting the U.K. Working with the government, The Publisher has arranged for buses stocked with tequila to transport some of the afflicted to aid and comfort stations established by The Tattler’s Meteorology Columnist & Town Planner and The Editor/Assistant Mayor. Barbiebunny69 and candy69sosweet have volunteered to help at the comfort stations. Meanwhile, the regular Tattler staff has been stretched to its limits during the crisis. After a quickie with an intern, [blog dz2502] roused your humble marketing director from his sleep with the latest Tyra Banks lingerie catalog (a gift from his centennial celebration party) and sent him to see The Publisher about crisis coverage. Then [blog dz2502] headed out for a haircut before reporting to the front lines and the sandbagging operations. Despite objections, The Publisher drafted your humble marketing director to write a crisis story. Equipped with a wetsuit and a leaky dinghy, your marketing director has sent back the following:

. . . . AFriendFinder TATTLER
TATTLER Aids BlogLand Refugees
. . . BlogLand’s Heritage at Risk!

In the face of the worst disaster to hit BlogLand in recorded history, bloggers of all sorts have fled entirely, leaving behind blogs for ransack, pillage and plagiarism.

“We should have seen it coming,” said Dr. Harrison E. Mudd, a noted computer ecological engineering specialist and author of What’s Virtual about Virtual Reality? Dr. Mudd agreed to accompany a specially equipped TATTLER team exploring the origins of the flood and how deserted blogs could be saved. Floating on the stormy seas of BlogLand, the team set out on its exploratory journey.

(The remainder will conclude inside.)

(This entry NEVER appeared on the main blogboard due to a mid-day blogjam on Sept. 12, but this author chose not to repost.)

rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
9/12/2005 10:29 am

Part II

irst, you have to realize that this flood has rearranged the geography of BlogLand,” Dr. Mudd, the noted virtual reality specialist said. “BlogLand will never be the same. Never. But part of the problem is thinking this place was a mirror of reality. That’s all wrong. BlogLand is a place onto itself and apparently the new and inexperienced government, the media, even the bloggers themselves did not realize these ecological facts of virtual reality.”

Dr. Mudd’s theories of the causes of the flood are bound to be controversial. However, he offered them freely while floating by the remains of former monumental blogs such as Deleting, reduced to a swampy shell of its past glory.

“This all began with the blogjams. You can’t hold back this force of virtual nature without facing the consequences,” he said. “By impeding the free flow of ideas through BlogLand, the censoring software and the inefficiencies of the main blogging board have created tiny stress fractures throughout the entire superstructure of BlogLand.” He then pointed to various areas that were once the corner pillars to Leyndokona’s blog. “See the cracks here near the cornice? I believe these fractures may have been some of the first to create fissures in BlogLand which allowed the groundwater to rise unnaturally and of course all the seawalls and levees were also compromised. If we had a scuba team we could look at the damage farther down on this blog to see if my theory is correct.”

The survey team moved onward toward where Dr. Mudd believed the first real signs of the flood could have been spotted, if only officials had heeded nature’s signals.

“Actually, as is typical with ecological disasters in virtual space, recent wasteful practices have caused a superheating of the BlogLand atmosphere,” Dr. Mudd said. “Take for example this new technique that I’ll call the blogrush. An individual blogger posts 20, 30, or 40 entries to their blog at once, thus super-heating the blogging board. They may get some temporary glory in this fashion, but the storm that swamped BlogLand with this flood is no doubt a result of the super-heated atmosphere that comes in the wake of these blogrushes.”

Other blog experts dismiss Dr. Mudd’s theories. Back on dry land later, The Tattler was granted an exclusive interview with Anne C. Otter, author of A Thousand Ways to get your SexBlog Noticed and Cash In. “Dr. Mudd is all washed up,” she said. “You would’ve done best to dump him over the side of your boat into the floodwaters. It might have cleared out his foggy brain. He talks about blog ecology. It’s all baloney. What he’s really talking about, despite his politically-correct, liberal prose, is a repression of free expression. And free enterprise, by the way. He claims to be a friend of free expression. He’s the one who really wants to set up limits for what bloggers can do.”

Otter was unmoved by the disaster in BlogLand. “You can’t say that’s because of any blogging practices, the administrators, or the government,” she said. “Point all the fingers you like. It was a freak storm. That’s it. Disasters happen. Move on.”

rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
9/12/2005 10:30 am

Part III

ack on board the exclusive flood exploration boat, Dr. Mudd revealed one of the areas that showed the first patterns for flooding, with indications of problems months before the flood. “Well, the blog cartographers would tell you we are over West Virginia right now,” he said. Nothing but blog wreckage and dead trees could be seen sticking out of the dank, oily flood waters. “But this has no correlation to geography in the real world. A blog authored in West Virginia pops up on its own geo-temporal plane here in BlogLand.”

A stationary bike, and a bowflex machine could be seen poking above the flood waters, sitting on the second story of a wrecked blog nearby as Dr. Mudd swung his arms wildly while expounding on his theory. “I believe the flood started right here, months before the great cataclysm. This is Sex & other trivial pursuits. It was deserted in June when the local river started running a bit too high and the ground became too marshy for habitation. This area all flows southward, toward the worst hit areas in BlogLand. If local government had dealt with the blog conditions here first, the whole catastrophe would not have spiraled out of control. But you’ll also notice the flows are not just southward but outward in all directions from this point.”

However, the new blog government had just been installed weeks before Sex & other trivial pursuits was deserted. Even Dr. Mudd agrees that may not have been enough time to conduct a proper ecological survey and notice how the damage had already begun.

Days of exploration in the flood zone revealed Dr. Mudd’s theory about outward stress and damage was at least partially true. Blog refugees had scattered from virtually all sections of the North American blog grid and beyond, not just the southlands.

The next blog to succumb to the higher watertable problems and stress fractures was the popular [blog BigDnLady] in Virginia. Inexplicably, problems even surfaced as far away as Canada with the disappearance of [blog SexTitten25]. By August, the refugees of BlogLand were almost too numerous to list. Some of the major bloggers who picked up stakes included: [blog Apolybear]; cumtounge44; Ipman; and tamethytension. Even in Europe, the environmental stress fractures hit bloggers such as nightstogether. Once the flood waters were unleashed by the storm into this environmentally unstable terrain, blogs across the south were no match for the fury. Greeneyes in Atlanta was swept away despite having one of the biggest blog palaces. The mighty A Cajun Way Of Life seemed to weather the storm, but its author cajunpet appeared to be on the list of evacuees. Even [blog jayR63] in Maryland was partially damaged by the flood, reducing the popular blogger to a part-time resident of BlogLand and muting one of the area’s top writers.

Although Dr. Mudd’s theories are unproven, Prof. Myrtle Libros of BlogLand University urges those who have survived the flooding in BlogLand to preserve the area’s heritage. The main concern now is that looters will head into some of these deserted blogs and copy their ideas, if not whole posts.

“If we link to these older blogs, and share their resources across BlogLand, their wisdom will not be lost,” she suggested. “There is a heritage here: old jokes; erotica; debates about how to meet the right person; whether size matters; the whole gamut. There’s no need to keep reinventing the wheel. We can salvage some of the best ideas and put them on display for all to see, instead of a few greedy types looking to hock these ideas for points in the Magazine section.”

To that end, The Tattler remains committed to saving BlogLand’s heritage from the looters. The newspaper has agreed to work with the university in a heritage saving project so that BlogLand’s refugees, should they ever return, will be able to access their material again, knowing it has not been copied, mutilated or repurposed in some illicit scheme.

*Some have questioned the intricate ties between the government’s top officials and members of The Tattler’s staff and leadership. However, this publication has completely rejected the notion that perceived conflicts of interest may have prevented thorough examination of government responses to this disaster.

© ♪rockwriter58♪

GleesFlakyShawl 50M
1620 posts
9/12/2005 2:27 pm

....here the remaining reporter..... with bad communication and interferences.....

the hit has been somewhat severe in what we know as cyber-Europe......im on my way to search our two reporters who used to be cyber-based on those two tiny islands in front of France.....more news soon, i hope........cyber-blog bless all of you....

watchmesquirm 45F  
99 posts
9/12/2005 6:28 pm

ummmmmmm........ I am blonde (thus am lost).

keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
9/13/2005 4:56 am

Some say that the damage was intensified due to Blogal Warming as first evidenced in BlogLand ROCKED BY LURKER REVELATIONS. (refer to the comment area)

By the way, outstanding reporting Rock!

rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
9/13/2005 10:47 pm

Mr. Publisher... thanks for the high praise. Sometimes the advertising/marketing side of the paper can come through in a pinch.

But I suppose I haven't been reading those back issues closely enough. If I had known [blog sexyfitwoman] pictures had been cited in a university study of raising the blogal temperatures, I would certainly have asked the good Dr. Mudd his opinion about this. I'm sure, as usual, that disasters aren't due to one cause, but multiple reasons. Funny how it always comes back to pointing fingers at the government though.

>>>As for [blog dz2502]... let's hope he survives his trip to the outer reaches of the flood zone to let us know the full extent of the damage. We'll be checking [blog dz2502] for more details.

>>>watchmesquirm...don't worry. It has nothing to do with being blonde. (The Tattler's editor is blonde and she does quite a job!) This is deep satire on BlogLand, and if you haven't been following the ins and outs since April, then you probably don't see the hidden references. But the clues are all here. Follow all the links and you'll get most of what is happening.


9/14/2005 4:42 am

I stand in ovation of an exceptional job well done,very well writen and thought out. I have one young reporter left Dz,, where the hell is my side kick Nancy Starlight and Amber our ray of sunshine.


9/14/2005 4:45 am

P.S Go purchase a new dingy and anything else you may need . And consider your self earning more now, you deserve a raise and bill all to the Publisher "WEG"


rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
9/14/2005 8:14 am

Thanks for the high praise Madame Editor. I wonder what The Publisher will think when he gets the expense account for that new airboat.

And using that this morning, I discovered yet another refugee. You can check it out yourself at: Closed For Repairs.

Now its back to making coffee and tending to marketing matters....

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