Deep & Meaningfulllllll Thats Me Todayyyyy!  

rm_xxSpecialKxx 45F
2785 posts
9/2/2006 9:48 pm

Last Read:
9/11/2006 5:07 pm

Deep & Meaningfulllllll Thats Me Todayyyyy!


This is not a sad or depressing post im just evaluating & oiecing together my opinion on why??? & what " where to now? etc etc
!!!Tonight!!!! I sat and reflected some what about how much my life has changed and in a very short time and realised how much i appreciate it,& the special people around me, aswell as the things i have accumulated along my way, i also started to think about what people theories are about life
why? bad things happen to good people, what goes around comes around, etc etc.

11 months ago i was 5 months pregnant was to be my 1st i was married and it was going through changes and problems but expecting a baby kind of made those issues seem invisible, was making plans with my mother and looking forward to becoming 1 myself, on the 1st friday in october 2005 i went for a scan & i was told that sadly i had started misscarrying i was admitted to hospital 2 days ;later to have surgery i was devastated yes but knew it had happened for a reason and i work with children therefore i understood that i couldnt be bitter and dwell i had to get on and not blame myself which is something many do!

December 26th i was at sales shopping & i got a voicemail from my husband telling me that my mother
had had an accident and i needed to get to her place asap i rushed there to find my husband 2 fireman on stairs below her flat they told me she was in her friends safe but shaken and lucky to be alive , shed had a fire whilst she was sleeping and shed managed to get out which they said was a miracle i ran in to see my mum black from the smoke i just hugged and held her so tight she cried i cried and didnt speak for ages just cuddled i can honestly say that was the most special cuddle ive experienced the fact she was still here made it that.
The fire ( was caused by a fallen candle) had gutted her house ( i grew up here ) which meant everything she ever own the fire had taken every trace of my brother and i every trace of my father who is sadly very ill and has alzeimers our life gone & destroyed in 10 short minutes serious lessons to be learned from this. We then battled & struggled to get her rehoused it was a real fight but eventually her landlords that shed been with for 42 years & never gave them a problem never missed a rent payment decided she could have a place, disgusting that it took an mp and newspaper to get to this but never the less we got there in the end. In march she moved into a new place and is doing well and is happy she has her memories of the things she lost and she s forbidden candles to cross her front door.

Then in April my husband and i had a huge fight after he'd been on a binge for several days he had been out of work for sometime and things werent all hunky dory in our house & the binge was 1 of drugs drink and whatever else and on his return we argued and i was so angry that hed been gone days & h'ed not returned my calls etc the fight got very heated and he was still obviously high he became very agressive and hands on during this my best friend called and could hear things werent right and my husbands shouting and screaming obscenities prmpted my friend to call the police my husband was arrested i was taken to hospital and he was charged bailed and not allowwed any where near me until the trial he broke all bail conditions over and over doing awful things playing mind games posting dog shit through my door etc but i never came face to face with him until tuesday this week in court i gave evidence against him which was something i never want to experience ever again was absolutely awful. He was found guilty i should add so now i hope i can move on my divorce is half way through and on also on friday this week i did my last day of work in my current job which afer 10 years i wasnt happy antmore in this role and wanted to get out for ages just had no motivation my pay had been cut due to less hours id been struggling financially since break up of marriage my employers were very un suportive throughout this terrible time however i loved the kids i worked with so it was very emotional saying goodbye to all them as ive watched grow and progress from a very early age ! End Of An Era thats an under statement would nt you agree?
So it was inevitable at some point id sit and think about my past year and whats happened & today did just that, i also came to conclusion that maybe life is mapped out 4 us and we all have a certain journey we take a road for each of us to walk down set up by whatever source i still dont know the answers to who sets us up but i know i lost the baby for a reason its clear now after these advents what that reason was, and i know my mum is still here because someone was looking over her that day because even the fireman said how she got out was a miracle so im beleiving the fireman it gives me some faith in good people arent always sacrificed, and my break up and cirumstances, my marriage was never as good as it looked to others it was distructive looking back i can see that now from very early on it was tense i just chose to over look the aggression & mind games because i loved him.But i know now that if he loved me then he wouldnt play constant head games & hurt me. I know i have the most wonderful friend i could ever wish for who has been my guardian angel and i will be forever grateful to him x and my redundancy i felt at the time was the last straw what will i do to make ends meet etc well i am starting work on monday im on serious money and no 1 to answer & still being able to make some sort of difference in someone elses life so this year has been a crazy eventful one but one i will never forget i know 1 thing is very apparent life is too short so dont sit and dwell on things grab what can of it and take a little something & learn from each experience weather good or bad because knowledge is power & that makes you that bit stronger whats your views on why you are here and what you have made certain situations that seemed so bad you werent going to ever get through them but you did & how did you? My friends & there faith & love for me was my strentgh to get through i love them dearly they are my angels Thank you x
As they say Life is for living xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx k


parkingspacereq 45M

9/3/2006 12:10 pm

kind of done the same on an ongoing basis right now, like you im going through a divorce, my ex is very manipulative and uses the kids as a weapon as she knows it will be the only thing that i react to. whatever happens is for a reason and how you react to these situations will make you a stronger person. this week saw the first major date, my sons bday, since we had split up, the night before was probably the first time it really hit me and how much i miss the kids.
i hope that your new job gives you a new lease of life and that spring in your step returns. just remember you are a special person and keep the smile on your face in good times and bad and the next year is tons better
be good
unclepxxxxxx


rm_xxSpecialKxx 45F
1614 posts
9/3/2006 2:46 pm

    Quoting parkingspacereq:
    kind of done the same on an ongoing basis right now, like you im going through a divorce, my ex is very manipulative and uses the kids as a weapon as she knows it will be the only thing that i react to. whatever happens is for a reason and how you react to these situations will make you a stronger person. this week saw the first major date, my sons bday, since we had split up, the night before was probably the first time it really hit me and how much i miss the kids.
    i hope that your new job gives you a new lease of life and that spring in your step returns. just remember you are a special person and keep the smile on your face in good times and bad and the next year is tons better
    be good
    unclepxxxxxx
heyyyyy uncle mwahhhh xxxxxx

Why do women do that? Use the children to their advantage?? i mean theyre innocents in all the adult mayhem that bugs me i see it all the time and it solves nothing it messes alot of kids up.Be strong hun dont rise to the bait i find the calm approach beats the arguing and shouting hands down x hang in there hun xxx
And yep this years avents have certainly made me stonger wiser and has also made me realise how important my friends & family are and yep uncle im shouting it out BRING ON 2007 BRING IT ONNNNNNNNN mwahhh thank darling big hugs xxxxxk


parkingspacereq 45M

9/3/2006 4:01 pm

nice new pic as well, i think it does more for you than other one, a bit of a hotttiiiiieeeeee, me thinks
mwahhhhhh
dont take this wrong way but send us a mail on here, would love to chat to you !!!!!!
uncle pxxxxxxx


funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
9/3/2006 11:02 pm

[image]Nothing crass this time.
You are out of the tunnel babe. You created your own light to guide you.
You are indeed special.


rm_xxSpecialKxx 45F
1614 posts
9/4/2006 12:03 am

    Quoting parkingspacereq:
    nice new pic as well, i think it does more for you than other one, a bit of a hotttiiiiieeeeee, me thinks
    mwahhhhhh
    dont take this wrong way but send us a mail on here, would love to chat to you !!!!!!
    uncle pxxxxxxx
Awwww thanks uncle xxx

thats my cheesy miss world grin xxxxxxxxxxk


rm_xxSpecialKxx 45F
1614 posts
9/4/2006 12:05 am

    Quoting funintheday2006:
    [image]Nothing crass this time.
    You are out of the tunnel babe. You created your own light to guide you.
    You are indeed special.
hiya fun and thank you xxxxxxxx it means a lot bug hugs xxxxK


ShooooM 43M
340 posts
9/10/2006 11:24 am

You are your strength babes !!YoU!!! x your friends and family are your support you did all the hard work and your going to move in such wonderful direction now and you more than anyone deserves the best big love hugs darling go get em xxx


rm_xxSpecialKxx 45F
1614 posts
9/11/2006 5:05 pm

    Quoting rm_tammy0009:
    Wow k, this is the first time I've taken the time to visit your blog, and I can honestly say that I am moved, shocked and amazed that you were able to put on such a strong front while going through all this!! I would have never guessed. You stay strong girl
hiya Tammy mwahhhhhhh xxx
and thank you for visiting its fab to have you here hope its not bored ya to death lol and thank you for your comment it means a lot big hugs and ill be back in cyber very soooon big hgs and tc xx k


rm_xxSpecialKxx 45F
1614 posts
9/11/2006 5:07 pm

    Quoting ShooooM:
    You are your strength babes !!YoU!!! x your friends and family are your support you did all the hard work and your going to move in such wonderful direction now and you more than anyone deserves the best big love hugs darling go get em xxx
mwahh ty hunny i hope my boys are looking after you and your not leading them astray he he ty darling much apreciated big hugs xxxxx k


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