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The Paper I got this from said these were actual quotes from Federal employee performance evaluations:
"Donated his brain to science before he was done with it"
"Fell out of the family tree"
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming"
"Has two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it"
"He's so dense, light bends around him"
"If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate"
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be waterd twice a week"
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back"
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean"
"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm"
"One neuron short of a synapse"
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled"
"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes"
"Was left on the Tilt-a-Whirl a bit too long as a baby"
"Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"
"Works well only when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap"
"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid couriosity"
"I would not allow this employee to breed"
"This employee is really not so much a has been, but more of a definate won't be"
"Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig"
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there"
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle"
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy"
"She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them"
"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better"
"This employee is depriving a village some where of an idiot"
"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer"
"Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching"
"A room temerature IQ"
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together"
"A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus"
"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on"
"Bright as Alaska in December"
"One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests"
9/28/2005 5:11 pm
One that has to be in there somewhere- " if He had 1/2 a brain he'd be dangerous- I consider this person EXTREEMLY DANGEROUS!|
9/29/2005 7:37 pm
thanks for the comment RailBaron2....I will have to add it sometime.|