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Rosie and the DC Dude
Rosie and the DC Dude
So there I was at Kate's, just settin' and a-writin', when this fellow comes up to ask me a question about Kates. Now, there were at least 4 Kate's employees right there that he could have asked, so I fIgured that he was interested in more than architecture...unless you count my "superstructure".
We got to talkin', and seems he was out here from DC to look at the border situation. Well, one thing led to another, and over supper I offered to take him out to the border in my 4-Runner the next day, so he could get a feel for the place.
He seemed delighted with the opportunity to see the reality for firsthand, leastwise, he didn't make more than five references to being able to get me out in the sticks all to himself.
So the next morning, bright and early, we met for some breakfast to fortify ourselves for the day, and after we left the restaurant, I dropped him off so he could get his stuff, and I likewise finished getting my things together.
Now, being as how he was a 'Nam vet, I'm sure it didn't faze him a bit when I showed back up packing a .380 pistol on my hip. Of course, Arizona is an open carry state, so many folks around here pack a pistol, and if you're headed out into the bush, it's damfoolishness to NOT bring a firearm.
So, not being a damfool, I also made sure that we had plenty of water, some food, a full tank of gas, and enough smokes for the day. We were loaded for bear.
I drive a '97 Toyota 4-Runner, equipped with a winch, so I've never met a road I couldn't handle...providing the road was at all passable. So with great confidence, I started towards the border on a poorly maintained dirt road that was much the worse for wear after the monsoon rains had taken their toll.
We finally reached the border road, turned right, and within 100 feet, I realized that I had forgotten about my Picacho days out on the Colorado River, and how easily a road turns to muck and mire. The realization hit me about the time I sank the truck to it's hubs in thick mirey mud.
OK, no worries, I popped it into 4WD, and gently rocked it back and forth, trying to rock it out. Now I was up to the floorboards. I looked around for something to winch out on, but a winch is only as good as whatever you can hook up to, and there wasn't a damned thing around.
I noticed some branches on the ground, so I told DK that we needed to put some under the tires fore and aft so I could get some purchase to get out. Leaping over the muddy pit, we each grabbed some branches, and I finally rocked us free of the sucking sticky mess.
Off we went, slippin' and a-slidin', bouncing through the not-so-dry washes making our own road whenever the existing road was non-existant.Not too awfully far down the road, we fetched up on a small pond.
I got out to survey the situation. We had a cliff on one side, and very heavy brush (OK, it was really small trees) on the other side, and I figured that I could probably brazen it through. DK was not quite so sanguine about our potential sucess, and we stood around thinking about it.
Now, I did happen to notice that there were a shitload of ants crawling around. Fire ants, they were. But hey, I was wearing boots, so I wasn't worried.
We stood talking about our options, looking at the tracks of the illegal immigrants that had recently gone through there, and taking pictures of the reassuring security afforded by the 4 strand barbed-wire fence that protects our International Border.
Suddenly, I felt something biting me on my hip! Yeeeeoouuuch! Then another biteon my thigh, and another on my ass!
I had become the living embodiment of the phrase "Ants in her pants!"
Frantically, I clawed at my pants, first one place, and then another, trying to stop the burning, biting, stinging evil vicious insects. Desperate for relief, I unhooked my gunbelt, and unzipped my pants, easily locating the worst offender caught in my lacy white panties.
Poor DK. The man is out on the border with a demented woman who packs a pistol, and she's dropping her trousers, while she's leaping around doing the fire-ant dance, trying to avoid any more unwanted familiarities from ants...no matter how much they may promise to set her aflame with only one bite!
Desperate, I finally jumped into the back seat of the truck, kicking off my muddy boots, and dropping trou. Thankfully, I wasn't going commando that day!
I handed off my pants to DK, who had calmly maintained his composure throughout the ordeal. Of course, he wasn't the one getting his ass bitten off either! He shook out my pants, and as he handed them back, he dryly observed, "Nice panties."
Blushing, if such a thing is possible for Rosie, I dressed again. As I did so, his phone rang, and it was a fellow from his office in DC.
He greeted him, and then said, "Well Jim, I'm out here on the border with a gal packing a pistol, we've gotten stuck in the mud, gotten back out again, and now she's in the back of the truck taking off her pants! I'm getting a REALLY good feel of the situation down here."
How do I manage to get myself into these positions?
8/10/2005 9:18 am
Terrific story, Rosie. You never fail to amaze me with your great adventures. Lets see when you take me "four wheelin"!!|
9/7/2005 12:56 pm
Really enjoyed reading your story. For awhile I thought it might lead to some hot back seat action. Sorry, I was looking at it from his angle. I'll say "hi" next time we're in town riding through on our Harley's !|
9/7/2005 5:09 pm
Rosie,I love all your blogs. You sure seem to get into alot of situations. Please post more. Wish I was closer(Kingman here), as I would love to meet the wonderful Rosie.|
9/9/2005 3:36 pm
Rosie, my stars, woman! That is one of the greatest stories! Comin' from a "fellow 4-wheeler", I know the feelin' of thinkin' you can never get stuck. I've had to have my jeep pulled out of a few sticky situations, myself. But ain't they just so damn much fun to get into?|
Hope you gave your DC buddy something memorable to take back to that dull ol' East coast with him!
Keep livin' the real life! It's rainin' right now and you've inspired me to go get my jeep stuck. Ciao!!