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Shot down for a mention of the Ultraculture, the next step should it get the right to play out, the magickal overview of reality with total immersion, these people just don't grok the preciousness of transcendence. With all my power, I am still confused! Why, why don't they get it, are they lazy, stupid, ignorant, or smarter than me? I just don't understand...
Perhaps my path only lies with war perhaps my path averts all possible wars, I don't know, I am forced to doubt myself, forced and desired simultaneously to question the ideas that spawn in my head as a result of contact with desirable thought schemes, hehe, the biocomputer is using all it's amazing parallell processing to get to the bottom of it all, then again perhaps they are all truly stupid imps and I am genuinely the God I feel myself to be, Pure, dedicated, open but only to the currents I choose. What is wrong with my scheme, Effort, Control, Depth, I don't fathom why they look upon this process as dangerous, they seem to be genuinely apathetic and genuinely dedicated to the lowest pattern of hedonism possible, alcoholism, and I follow in suit, a good assassin, hiding amonst everyone just the same, or maybe I'm just a desperate sell-out making failed attempts of reconcilliation with a world I lost enough years to isolation to ever understand...
I am mad with this pattern of confusion, and the vodka/beer is making my anger worse, at least I get angry and not desperately sad anymore. I'd love to say these fucking fools, how they don't see it coming, how they don't read the obvious signs, how they don't smell it in the air, maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm right, I'm damned and doomed either way, perhaps perhaps, It makes me turn my mind to heroin with a smile, but I keep the dedicate focus forward away from the most pleasurable cradle of self-annihilation imaginable (by me, limits being limits).
All I want is good man sex to kill my brains desire for higher thinking, but higher thinking just keeps trumping the lust card, what am I to do, where is my delicious evil one to come in and save me from all this intensely stupid righteousness, where is my devilish savior, unholy bastion of actual sanity, where is my Satan the beautiful, my Lucifer the gorgeous, where is he?