Sexula Experiences: Worst of the Worst, Round 1  

rm_wanting_two 39F
46 posts
5/4/2006 1:32 pm

Last Read:
6/11/2006 5:43 pm

Sexula Experiences: Worst of the Worst, Round 1

As a woman on this site, I naturally get a lot of emails. Some of them are intriguing. Most of them are polite but don't say much. And some of them... are very, very, very bad. Humorous typos. Excessive chatspeak. Weird photos, and often just plain creepiness.

I thought I'd share some of them with you. I've only been back on the site (after a monthlong break) for three days, but I've already collected some doozies. Be amused. Be alarmed.

And think of this, guys, as a primer on what not to write.

1. The Humorous Typo
I like correct spelling, but a typo or two won't ruin an email - hey, it's the Internet, one can't be super-picky. But some typos are funny. And others are excessive.
- A guy offered me "uninhibited sexula experiences". I'm picturing a '70s-lookin' vampire, maybe in a black satin leisure suit and gold chains, going, "Blah! Blah! I vant to suck your clit!" Heh.
- "I am a verty laid back person but can be agreesive." And I can be disagreesive.

2. Babel Fish
Now I like my foreign guys. And I admire anyone who makes an effort to learn English, which is a difficult language to learn. But even the hottest, most interesting guys can't come across well when they're using an online translator to write their personal ads. Examples:
- "I want to have cute, fun women all the time." I understand what you're saying, but wouldn't you get tired?
- "If you like date, you can hook me up" - The wha now?

3. Height and Weight Don't Make a Date
I'll tell ya, if a guy gives me a personal description made up of numbers, it says nothing at all about the actual person, and kinda turns me off. Witness:
- "33 white male from (city). I'm 6'2 230# brn/bl 7.5" very oral" - Is that a mathematical formula or are you just happy to see me?

4. Bad Bad Wrong Photos
I'm reasonable about guys who post nonsexual pics with other girls in them - after all, a lot of people only think to take pics of themselves when they're on vacation or at a special occasion, with a date. It's reasonable. But HERE are some pics I do not want to see:
- Dick shots in general. I know a lot of people don't want to show their faces, but, and I hate to say this, boys - a cock's a cock's a cock, and you're not going to get to take yours out unless I'm interested in the person it's attached to.
- A picture of you holding your infant son. Especially attached to a very dirty email. GAAAAAAH. What's next, you sending me a detailed description of an ass-fucking along with a picture of you hugging your elderly mom? GAAAH.
- There are others, but I'll save them for later.

5. Brevity is the Soul of "Huh?"
Two recent emails read, in full:
- "luv ur tits" ... Um, thanks.
- "hey wanna chat?" ... No.

I'm off to do something constructive now. Next time I'll hopefully have some interesting sex things to talk about... hee hee... Perhaps I'll arrange an assignation with Sexula. That guy can SUCK.

DowntownCS 35M

5/8/2006 12:34 am

Hey, I just sent you an e-mail. I would love to find out, where my e-mail fits. Oh yea, I love the blog...

AGNJoe1 47M

5/12/2006 6:33 pm

LOL! Oh man, just reading that was hysterical!

Well, at least if anything, you should be happy to at least get e-mails. I haven't had one in a month, and I haven't been laid in MONTHS. Enjoy it while you can I guess. Oh, if Count Sexula doesn't work out, shoot by my blog and give me a holler.


breadmanslicer 47M
1 post
6/1/2006 9:20 pm

Get out of Town, just kidding sometimes after using keyboard all day at work, and no not for this. tired of typing, the proper way. plus home is different dont have real desk to type on just crazy pc stand thing keyboard slides out, ick.
anyhow that may be why some people dont use the Commas, Periods, Question marks, etc.

fingerlickin_69 42M

6/10/2006 9:58 pm

I'm glad that I save a copy of my sent email. I got paranoid and reviewed all of my mail to make sure I had not introduced myself as a "niche guy," or claimed to be interested in "sheeting up."

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