These are some strange times for me...  

rm_vneckgirl 57F
126 posts
2/19/2006 12:54 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

These are some strange times for me...

I've turned my profile back on after being off for about two weeks. I'm not certain why I did. I think I'm looking for company for the most part, but yet something more. You see, I was widowed last Feb. and the loneliness is incredible. For some reason I thought I might be able to cure the loneliness by meeting new people from here. That hasn't really worked. I am torn between my previous life, and the one set out ahead of me... all predicated on the path I choose to follow.

Yes, I correspond with some really, really nice guys (you know who you are... smiles), and there are a few more who I've met, but I can tell there is just something missing. I don't mean to offend anyone, I really don't.

I may stay on here for a bit more, again, I'm not certain what to do at this point.

Is the man I want/need out there? One who can be compassionate, tender, and yet, get me to learn to live life again? With the extra "edge" that I crave inside?

I have something of a long distance relationship going with someone from FL (I have met him once), but I'm not certain if that will pan out. We are supposed to meet up at the end of March. Until then, the loneliness prevails.

AcuarioLatino 59M
1 post
2/19/2006 2:12 pm

Dear vneckgirl,

I think I understand the feeling you describe, although I can not fully empathize given the fact that I never lost a loved one, my own feelings around loneliness come from painful break-ups.
Something I grew to learn is that I must fill up my loneliness with anything that makes me feel good about myself.
I can only suggest you to think about your lost one: would he want for you to be sad, empty? Or would he want for you to be happy?
Think about that, you've got your memories, god and bad I suppose, and nothing will ever take that away from you. Now it is time for you to move on with your life, complete it to the end, because after all, it is all we all have. That I would say to my own widow.

Best of wishes for you.


ldobbler33 43M

2/19/2006 2:37 pm

Send me a message if you're looking to meet someone new. I'd enjoy getting ot know you.

Remember you can't live in the past.

zorgnot2 60M

2/19/2006 8:24 pm

I lost my wife almost four years ago after two decades of a few good times and many, many bad times. Needless to say, the loss was compounded by feelings of conflict.
Interspersed was guilt, anger, dispair, loneliness, relief, euphoric elation...all leading to deep depression. Messed up hormones and reactions, pain, withdrawl and the depths of the human spirit.
It can take years to recover from the loss of a loved one and recovery certainly should not be hurried by vain attempts to find a quick replacement in body or soul. It's time to redefine your self...your very essence of what you are. You may find the perfect person here but seriously...look in places that are good for your soul. You KNOW it is not likely here. Maybe later, but not when you are still hurting. There's plenty of good people here but there's also those who are not out for your best interests...and you cannot allow anyone to hold your very sanity in their suspect care.
The emptiness is painful but the most important thing to grab on to is some valid form of hope.
Hope that life CAN go on, albeit differently that it was. It will never, ever be the same but it can be as good and maybe even better, never forgetting the good times but never letting them be the benchmark for feeling fine.
Find something to get yourself out of yourself- if it's going to shows or concerts, taking up Yoga or aerobics, traveling, taking classes, delving into work, feeding the homeless- anything that gets your mind active and preferably lifts your spirit by helping others.
Be kind to yourself, learn to love again- not man/woman love, but love for life and humanity, find a higher power to put your faith in.
Sorry for rambling but it really is a life or death situation if it's not addressed.
I may never know how close I was to oblivion but I hope and pray that you never get near that point.

rm_ddhotrod 53M
1 post
2/22/2006 7:38 pm

Hi vneck I can somewhat relate to your inner fight I have lost my wife last febuary of 05 the woman i thought would be mine forever,not like you lost yours but it still hurts a lot and thank god for good friends and a good strong head i guesse I WILL PROBOBLY ALWAYS LOVE THIS WOMAN BUT FINNALY ACCEPTED THAT LIFE HAS TO GO ON AND TO LIVE IS TO BE HAPPY AND FOR MY SELF i KNOW I'M ON MY WAY BECAUSE I'M FINNALY HAPPY AGIAN AND TO MAKE MYSELF COMPLETE IS TO FIND THE WOMAN WHO IS REALLY OUT THERE FOR ME ,ALL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON keep in good spirits and be strong always believe and good things will happen

SexJuggernaut71 45M
34 posts
2/25/2006 9:45 am

Dear VNG,
Being in your mid-40's and suffering such a loss IS a dilemma. You can't exactly go back to the bar/club scene because everyone there is in their 20's and moving forward without that emotional "comfort zone" of having another person is incredibly scary and intimidating. If you want a friend, send me an email (i'm local anyway). I don't expect anything from you as far as the purpose of this site goes - just to talk and possibly meet. Email is so impersonal sometimes. Again, no pressure, no advances, no expectations - just to have someone to talk to that is local. a "friend with therapy" so to speak. sometimes that is all someone needs when they find themselves looking here.

rm_mistern1000 36M
2 posts
2/25/2006 3:09 pm

hi vneckgirl. i'm sorry to hear of your loss,however, experiences such as yours are valuable to others such as myself. hearing your story reminds me that i am not alone in this struggle. I too have losed someone due to an unforeseen illness and find it extremeley difficult to continuue with the every day functions of my life. I often find myself drifting off in thought. thank you for your somewhat sharing your experience. i know that they are extremely difficult to bring to the surface. no one should have to deal with such inner pain alone.

rm_cant_be_true 38M

2/26/2006 7:58 am

    Quoting rm_mizzkitka:
    i know what you "need."
    not to search for men.
    but for friends.

    this time, come to blogville/AdultFriendFinder with less agenda.
    soon, the man who turns your head will not be because you tried to find him, but just because he slipped in when the door was left ajar!
I agree almost completely with mizzkitka except don't leave the door open, what do you live in a barn

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