|Blogs > rm_vixenflir > Phase 3|
Like a Phoenix?
Like a Phoenix?
Scattered thoughts as my blogging self awakens once again............
-With nothing better to do I found myself skipping happily through blogland - staulking around in silence once again - not particularly wanting to post to anyone, just reading.....when I happened on an old post from you in which I could see you had changed your main picture once again......
- How long had it been now?.....that span of time that I reverently refused to even visit you....
- I went on by, but the image was already burnt into my brain - I had to see it again.......
-So I did what I had so often promised myself that I wouldn't.......I went to SEE.....and there it was.........
-How many times had I begged you to show me?... just to have you make some lame excuse and promise... only to fail us both time after time...
-And now there it was.......you are so beautiful, just as I knew you would be....what happened back then?...back when it didn't matter if I saw it or not because of our sameness.....
-Should I leave?....To late now, you will already know I was there....might as well catch up on what I missed.....GAWD! you write alot!!!
-I look for any indication that my absence had any effect on your being.....none to be found...I wonder: was it all for nothing?...
-You've long forgotten who was in that dark closet with you....whispering in the dark together and listening to the humming....feeling the blood flow to parts that that only the other could awaken because of our sameness...
-Why knock now....I'd be lost in the shear numbers...oh right! thats what ended it for me so long ago.......
-How did it go from "I'd so fuck you right now!" to "I love him too", "both of you the same", "I'm so tired, will talk to you later".....
-The words burn in my mind as I stare at the true you......but is it you?....I hold my fingers to the screen to cover the portions I've never seen....yes, those are your eyes....and the fingernails that I so wanted to have digging into my flesh.....
-I read of your latest struggle and feel ashamed that I wasn't there to support you.....but to what end?.....
-How many double A's have you burnt through since last we spoke?......Were any of them layed low thinking of me I wonder?.....
-Yes....I've romped some since you....never the same connection as those early days...oh how I miss that...and one was she who sparked jealously in your words to me whenever she came around....yes...you did love me once....
-What happened?......life I guess...
-My eyes are still sleepy from such a long silence...[color/]
4/21/2006 10:02 am
-I didnt do it because I didnt think I was good enough, I still dont really.....I always wanted to but was too afraid. Just kept putting it off. Im so sorry|
-No, I have never forgotten nor have I ever felt that again since then either, I have thought of you often, and you made a big difference, believe me.
Yes, I loved you and I always will.......I think a part of you knows that still.
4/21/2006 11:01 am
UHMMM......well that didn't take long....less than 2 hours! Somehow I half expected that you had erased me from your existence forever for being such a prick and would never even see this let alone answer... what does that tell of us????.....I have no clue, I only have the memories of the way we felt then and I do miss it and you.|
How could you ever imagine that you were 'not good enough'? Although I can see your face now....my gaze is always drawn to those knowing eyes of yours. They stare back at me, telling me that only you know me.
Though neither of us deserves it.....I would love to catch up to date with you and your life IM if you are willing. If not I understand and wish you all the best.
And yes....not a part of me, the whole of me knows...it too can be seen in those eyes....
4/21/2006 12:19 pm
You know whats funny, I just happen to glance at the list of people running through my blog and there you were. Then a little bit later I saw your post. What can I tell you, fate. We deserve it, people make mistakes and I miss you. I would love to talk to you again.|
4/21/2006 1:29 pm
I sent you an invite for IM - let me know if you didn't get it.......we have much to talk about with fate being first on the list......|
4/25/2006 12:16 pm
How sweet the memories are|
The one's that we have kept buried
Destiny has once again proven itself
For how many people are blessed
To reunite with a lover
From their past.
I feel like i'm intruding
On a magic
That i can see
The two of you
It's just so beautiful
My heart skipped a beat
Tears filled my eyes
If no longer lovers
Friends is the next best thing
For how can you forget
A lover that once was
Lovers that bear their souls
I'm truly touched
Kisses miss vixen xxxooo
4/28/2006 12:03 pm
Miss V, thank you so much for your heart felt words! Life and fate are as always, a strange ride.|
5/25/2006 1:19 am
come to your window|
what an intimate moment
you let us in on, im
moved, sincerely hopeful
for what a longing can
do, unspoken, spoken,
does need, love transend
5/25/2006 11:14 am
Mary - Thanks for the thoughts.|
Between she and I, yes need transends
but love is dicated by fate,a battle
in which I choose to surrender, a space
in which I choose to share