Just Thinking... Sometimes "NOT" a Good Thing...  

rm_unlistedone 65M
3832 posts
8/31/2006 12:48 am

Last Read:
3/12/2007 1:21 am

Just Thinking... Sometimes "NOT" a Good Thing...




It's three-thirty am. (I'm a very early riser!) I've just poured my first cup of coffee for the day into one of my wife's mugs. The mug has a large red heart on it, and it has "Love You" written everywhere on it. The mug just appeared in the cabinet one day. Don't know where it came from. Never asked. And I won't ask. (It's probably very innocent, anyway.) I notice that sometimes she pulls it out and drinks from it on occasion.

And it really doesn't matter to me where it came from or who gave it to her. That sounds pretty cold on my part, I'm sure. But that isn't true. You have to know my feelings about things first, before you can make a determination as to whether I'm cold and uncaring or just an idiot... or a wimp.

Before we were married, I told her that if she ever found herself in a situation and she really wanted something/someone... then do it. Don't worry about me or what I may think. If it's only sex, then enjoy. Just tell me about it. Don't let me find out later that it had happened by some other means. I was burned once before, and that feeling is a feeling I don't ever want to have to visit again.

Now, I've never asked if she had ever followed through on any "urges," or had any type of an affair. That's not my business... that's hers. I honestly don't think she ever has... though I believe once or twice, she was not only tempted... but was close. Again, I didn't ask.

And if she ever came to me and said, "I want to do this," I would say okay. If it would bring her joy and happiness... then I'm all for it.

So many people get caught up in being jealous and suspicious of what their lover/wife/husband are doing, that it takes over their whole life; and they can't function because of it. Perhaps I'm too liberal thinking about it... I don't know. It's just that I know that I do love her, and that I want her to be happy... even if I'm not the one who's providing that happiness for her at that moment in time. Am I afraid of losing her? No, not in the least.

By the way, she never, ever gave me the same sort of freedom! I wonder what she would think of me being here? I've often asked myself that question. And I've often wished I could share this wonderful place called "blogland" with her... and introduce her to my many wonderful friends here. But, she has no interest in being a sexual, sensual being anymore. So I'm left to find my own way... whatever way that may be.

So, here I am, drinking coffee and realizing how even coffee mugs can start the mind to thinking.

Have a beautiful day. Mine will be spent working... thinking... and probably getting wet in the rain. Hug, unlisted


Theflinkychick 105F

8/31/2006 3:36 am

Somethimes a random thought trigger starts a train of thought that is very difficult to derail, at least it does for me. I don't have to work today so I'm blog hopping and hoping for a thought derailment. I hope you don't get too wet at work. I know that's not fun, my work sends me running in and out all shift rain or not. Hugs...

Not all who wander are lost.


angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
8/31/2006 5:33 am

Why is it do you think that a woman just "decides" to not be a sexual, sensual woman anymore? I'm really wanting to know the answer to that one. Don't get too wet.....at least not in the rain. 143


rm_aWench4U 61M/61F
741 posts
8/31/2006 1:39 pm

You were honest with her from the start aobut your expectations, and that is to be commendable. It's when we start to censor our honesty that I think we end up looking for, and usually finding, trouble.

In a twist on Angel's question, HOW is it that a woman decides not to be a sexual, sensual person anymore? That is such a foreign concept to me personally, but I have seen it so often in others. My heartfelt sympathies to you.


Remember the past but do not dwell there.
Face the future where all our hopes stand.


~Angela


VATraveler1948 68M

9/1/2006 7:09 am

Good topic, I've had the same experience in my marriage. In truth I am much more open to the thought of my wife experiencing an outside relationship than she is of me doing the same thing. In the past year I pushed on these limits quite a bit and our relationship deteriorated even more because of it. However, because of the difficult times I think we have experienced a great deal of growth in our marriage this year. I have come to realize that I need to honor all of the promises I made to her when we married, I need to forsake all others and I have renewed my commitment to do that. We had several months of wonderful time together this year but that doesn't mean that things are fine in our marriage. I am once again sleeping by myself most of the time but I am trusting that things will improve.

Hope the weather there is getting better... it's raining like heck here.


PlaynAgain 54F

9/1/2006 8:20 pm

I've actually been in your shoes. I gave my first husband that same freedom from before we were ever married. My only requirement was that he tell me before hand - no sneaking around. Of course, not only was the offer not mutual, he suspected I was cheating on him every time we got a "wrong number" phone call. He took me up on it a couple of times before the wedding, but never after. Then after a few years he became non-sexual unless he came home drunk.

There were a lot of other problems, more and more as the years went on, but I stuck it out for the kids. Ironically, the straw that broke the camel's back for me was catching him cheating! I know, technically not possible, but since he 1) broke the only rule I had by sneaking, 2)stopped making love to me and 3) developed an emotional relationship with this person I considered it cheating.

I later found out from her, long after he'd been dumped by her, that he had told her he'd been sleeping around all along...

"Attitude is everything. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, It's about learning to dance in the rain."


TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
9/1/2006 9:40 pm

Thanks for your honesty here...I don't know how some women feel that way..although I think I felt asexual for years because I was just missing that emotional intimacy with my husband...now I feel more like myself again. Sounds like you are in it for the long haul and do love her...and I hope you find more happiness for yourself too.


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