Filling In the Blanks...  

rm_unlistedone 65M
3832 posts
6/7/2005 10:59 pm

Last Read:
2/26/2008 1:32 am

Filling In the Blanks...




This is a very true poem about a part of my life that still finds it's way back into my memories. A friend who knew about it, asked me to write this poem. Her hope that it would help me to get it all out, or to fill in the blanks in my life would help me to go on. I still thank her for making me write this one. I've now "filled in the blanks," and I've moved on.

Filling In the Blanks

Awaken...
in the middle of the night
by your voice,
(when no one's near)
startled out of a dream
that keeps returning,
tormenting me,
because it's about you.

What happened to us that made us
turn and walk away
and not look back?
We had more than anyone could
ever hope to have or want.
We had each other
completely...
willingly.

Laughter was always on our faces.
The smile,
the easy looks,
the gentle touches;
everything two people needed
for a lifetime was all ours.

Yes, I've loved since you left.
I had to in order to live...
because many times in the beginning
I didn't want to.

But there's a spot---
an area deep in my soul,
that you still occupy...
you still possess,
that no one else can ever touch.

"If I had only known you were still alive."

I've found no peace wherever I went.
No friend could make me forget.
No stranger who approached
left with a smile because of me.
I went through every bar I came to
without missing a one.
I couldn't drown your memory
in the sea of beer, wine, and liquor
I consumed.

My mind in those nights would go reeling
and my soul would fly high.
But it always came crashing back
colliding with your memory.

I walked down empty, foreign streets
searching for a miracle
that would bring you back.
Shouting at night at the dark, raging sea,
cursing everything and everyone
that took you away.

I once imagined I saw you in Athens.
I chased after you down the street
shouting, screaming your name;
shoving people out of the way,
only to find it wasn't you after all.
(Tequila, Ouzo, and gin helped me that day.)

Now...

Wherever you are now,
I hope life has smiled on you
and given you many joys
and easy moments.
I want to see you again,
just to make sure you're okay.
But I'm not sure
I could see you and not come apart
remembering---
thinking of what we had;
what we could have had;
and what we together...
have missed.

And in these days of filling in the blanks,
I'll always remember you and your ways...
and wonder.

(End)
© copyright unlistedone 2005


rm_unlistedone 65M
2718 posts
6/13/2005 1:39 am

It's in hope that what I went through might help someone else, polly. And that they enjoy just the reading of it. LOL!


rm_unlistedone 65M
2718 posts
6/15/2005 1:41 am

Thank you, sara. I'm glad you like them.
The most "silly or humorous" poem posted here is "Invading Your World," sara. A true account of a friend's medicine cabinet. She still on occasion gives me a hard time over that one. I told all her secrets to the world she claims... with a smile. One day soon, I need to go back there, just to see if she's made any changes. LOL!


no_strings_grrl 44F

6/16/2005 11:08 am

This one gave me chills. I have been there as well, and I felt I was there with you through. I've felt that longing that even years couldn't erase. Love can truly be exquisite agony. And by the way, thank you for your kind words in my blog...its nice to make another friend. XOXOX


rm_unlistedone 65M
2718 posts
6/22/2005 10:45 pm

Girl, my pleasure. I read your blog carefully. At times, I've wanted to just reach out, wipe away your tears softly, and let you know there are friends out here for you. And it's always nice to have friends. Even if they are only here in the blogs.


TabithaElectra79 38F

1/30/2006 1:05 pm

What an amazing poem...

There is no comment that could do it justice...

Hugs and kisses,

Tabs


Juliet610 51F

5/19/2006 8:57 pm

Sweet Unlistedone,

I am WAY late in commenting on this poem, but in my defense, I didn't know you then--and I may not have even been a member; I'll have to check.

As others have said, this touched me in a deep way, in a place I thought I'd sealed off, so I couldn't be hurt again. And I suppose I really haven't been hurt--just relived some old memories that I thought I'd put to bed a long time ago. The first memory was Ryan, and the second was McKenna. Both are long gone, and yet still so much a part of me. It helps to know that others have felt the same way, and lived to tell about it.

Thank you for sharing your soul with us. A tender hug to you, my friend.

Julie


rm_unlistedone 65M
2718 posts
5/19/2006 11:19 pm


Tabs... thank you for this thought. It is much appreciated. hug, me
.
.
.

Jules...
I did a quick check, and you have nothing to apologize for. You were probably "not" a member when I put this up. And you were less than ten years old when I was going through this part of my life.

Both Ryan and McKenna are, and should be a part of your life, hun. And you deserve to keep those memories of them with you. And they should be cherished. But then, you know your job. You know how to do this.

Yes, living through it is hard. We have those memories each and everyday. But they can be good memories, also. The fun time, the moments that were shared together. Those are the memories to hold onto. They are our gift... for ourselves.

Sealing off memories can, and does work.... for a time, Jules. But you know that, don't you? You also know that when it's time to open that seal and look at those memories again, it will be at a time when you know for yourself, it's okay to do that. And then, my sweet friend, then it'll be okay for you again.

You'll know when that day comes.... and it'll be alright, hun. It'll be alright.

I wish I could take that hurt away for you. I'd give anything to do that for you. But I can't. All I can do is offer you my shoulder... and my understanding... and my caring for you.

And know this, Julie, I do care...
tender hugs for an wonderful, tender lady, me


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