When is control too much?  

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
5791 posts
9/16/2005 1:58 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

When is control too much?

Tonight, I had the pleasure of talking to a small town police officer who truly wanted to understand more. We found ourselves debating a bit about civil v. criminal law aspects, as well as when the police should become involved.

Of course, you know that I am opinionated and freely offered my opinion (of course, in a very nice way).

A woman from a Central/South American country has been in the United States for about 3 years and her child remain in that country while she is forming a life here with her new husband. He, though, is very controlling and holds things against her; tonight, he tore up her green card as yet one other act of controlling. This is, though, typical of those who some of the Americans who marry foreigners by holding their past against them and maintaining control of their relationship as a result, unfortunately. It is similar when two American spouses get into arguments and they know the trigger points of the other to escalate the situation into a worse situation.

The officer maintained that there wasn’t anything he could do because there was no crime committed. I informed him of some of the immigration protection laws and he still insisted that he couldn’t arrest this man; therefore, there was no police involvement. He felt that he was riding a gray line because he wanted to, as a Christian, help them.

I told him that, if we were able to get a woman to the shelter, we have resources here to help empower her to make a better decision insofar as being able to take control of the situation herself and move forward with her life. Sometimes, the immigrant woman will end up going back to the spouse controlling her; however, she does so in a more informed situation and is empowered to do more for herself and not allow herself to be entirely controlled by another person. When another person controls a person to the degree that these spouses tend to control their immigrant spouse, in any other situation it would be clearly emotional abuse and very inhumane.

Education is a key. I have offered to talk to him again and discuss the options further. We’ll see.

In the meantime, it is my hope and dream that people can freely live in an environment where they are not so severely controlled by another person, as well as learn to work together in a teamwork environment for a better America.

(Ok. I am stepping off of my soapbox for now!!)


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