Sex Therapy Found Here!! ;)  

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
5791 posts
8/19/2005 1:43 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Sex Therapy Found Here!! ;)

Got to admit.... out of my friends that I have, I am probably the most approachable because I have an open mind and I find myself with scenarios like this one that I had the other night....


"Hi. I need to talk to someone."

"Okay? What about?"

"Well... my husband and I have been married for a very long time, and everything is good but in the bedroom. He and I have been to see a sex counselor and she suggested that we try new things."

"Okay? What did she suggest?"

"Well, she suggested several things, but my husband has come up with this idea that, because he is only 3 inches erect, he should bring his friend over who he says is well endowed."

"Well, how do you feel about that?"

"Mixed feelings. I married my husband very young and never have been with anyone else. I have never had anyone to compare my husband to. Don't get me wrong, I love him very, very much."

"Oh, I can understand that."

"Anyhow, he invited his friend over one night. We had a few drinks to ease the tension...and eventually, it was suggested that we go skinny dipping. My husband took his shorts off. Then, I took mine off...but, I was nervous. I had never undressed before anyone else before other than my husband. His friend then took his shorts off and WOW. I had never seen anything like that. I had know idea. We went to the edge of the pier and I petted it. He told me that he could tell that I have never seen 9 inches before."

"What did you think? How was that making you feel?"

"Wonderful. We all decided to go back up to the house and into the bedroom. We all proceeded to play with one another. Soon his friend was making me cum. I have never cum before and his friend actually made me cum twice. I was a little embarrassed because my husband was there and I had never done anything like that before."

"So, did he say anything?"

"Yes, he told me that he was glad to be there with me when I came like that. It really did please him. We talked about doing it again some time."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Mixed feelings. I want to but don't know, if I should."

"Did it feel right to you?" Yes.

"Did you feel pressured?" No.

"Sex is not to be construed as a bad thing. If it is something that feels right, we should feel okay to move forward with our feelings so long as no one is getting hurt. You are married and he is participating with you, which is a great aspect that requires a lot of trust. Not as many couples can feel comfortable doing that. If you have that trust, and it feels right, don't feel bad that you want to explore your sexuality."


"Yes. Your sex counsellor told you to try different things - right?"


"Sometimes taking it to different places can be an awesome experience and revitalized our senses. Going to a public place, checking out toys at a megaplex, and just trying different things to expand your senses can be quite stimulating. There are many kinds of sex out there and, just because your husband can't erect over 3" and make you cum like his friend had done, doesn't mean that you two can't have a great sexual relationship based on intimacy, trust, and exploration."

"Wow. Never quite thought about it quite like that. Thank you for being so open minded and allowing me to talk to you about it."

"No problem. Anytime!"
(albeit I was thinking to myself, 'That'll be $200!!!') The actual conversation was a lot more detailed and lasted nearly 45 minutes, but you get the gist of it.

Do you ever find yourself in situations of listening and attempting to help them to unravel the turmoil they are seemingly to have at the time of your conversation?????

lol... Do you think it is time for me to put out a Sex Therapy shingle??? lol....


rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
8/21/2005 5:23 am

Frnds4Play - No. I didn't get the impression from her that this marriage is on its last legs at all. It was obvious that she really did love her husband and he loved her. It wasn't a question ever about leaving him or doing it on her own with other men; it was a question about expanding their love for one another, which is a beautiful thing when you think about it.


rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
8/20/2005 10:54 am

keithcancook - Hey, don't get me wrong. I was asked if I had ever done it and I told her yes. Twice. Once with a WMW and once with MWM scenarios. Neither of them worked for me. I didn't feel right and know that it isn't for me. I can't live with that sort of a lifestyle. That does't mean that it might not be right for someone else though, and who am I to discourage someone from something that feels right for them...and the fact that they trust each other as a couple is probably stimulating for them as a couple.

I did, however, encouraged her to explore many other avenues directly with her husband as well, which included expansion of the senses and she promised me that she would focus in this area as well. I explained to her that sex should be a healthy intimate thing that is shared with her partner. The fact that her husbands member couldn't reach her g-spot should not be a major concern because there are so many differing types of sex to try. Sex in the traditional sense doesn't have to be the only sex method sought after....and exploring various options can be a good thing to stimulating the bedroom atmosphere in a marriage - especially, when everything else is soooo very good in a marriage.

keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
8/20/2005 4:38 am

If it were my marriage, I would be worrying about what venture has said.

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
8/20/2005 3:56 am

Plano69 - Okay. I just got in from working a 9pm - 5am shift; so, please forgive me if what I have to say doesn't sound completely coherent.

1. Just because someone goes "religious" all the sudden, doesn't necessarily mean that the act of sex has to suddenly go bad, especially if you are married. I am very religious in my beliefs about Jesus, God, the Trinity, etc; however, when one is married sex should be viewed as a beautiful way of being even more intimate with one another. Right now, I am not married; but, I have been married 3 times (2 times ended up in divorce after an abusive relationship and the last one died on me before our first year wedding anniversary). I cannot simply turn off my sex drive simply because I am no longer married and to not have sex to "save myself" for marriage seems a little twisted now that I have already been in the married life.

2. Secondly, many times (not saying that this is the case in your instance) the lack of sex interest can be due to many different things. Sometimes, it is health issues related; which, it is always wise to rule out these possibilities by going to a doctor for examinations. That not being the case, then it is time to find ways to spice up the sexual experiences. I am a firm believer in not limiting oneself to the bedroom. Sex is a great thing. Exploring differing places, differing environments, differing positions, and differing things. These things can include enhancing the senses through smells....tastes....touch.... etc. It is incredible about what expanding the senses can do to enhance a sensual moment.

Also, I like to also consider options that would otherwise appear daring..... take the skinny dipping for example. Skinny dipping isn't the norm of a practice to do...and there is a certain level of excitement obtained when the thought that one might be caught or seen by someone else other than your mate that your are with.

My suggestion would be trying to explore the senses.... and take it outside of the bedroom for a little sense of adventure (of course the kiddos need to be somewhere else to add to the ease for adventure).

Anyhow... I am beginning to get a little delirious and my eyes are getting half-closed right now; therefore, I will step down from my soapbox for the time being.

Let me know if you still have any questions or if I have missed the point entirely being as tired as I am.


rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
8/20/2005 3:37 am

ProtonicMan - Me too! I always wish the very best for people.

Plano69 54M

8/19/2005 10:07 pm

Hmmmm.... So should I be talking to you or to girltech47? LOL! Got married to my HS Sweetheart over 20 yrs ago... She's still a hottie and a great wife, mom, etc... except when it comes to sex... We've had 3 kids and each time one was born, she changed for the worse. (Back then I didn't realize it was probably post "martem"? depression?). Anyway, since we got married, she's become more and more religiously devout, and for years now she's decided that sex is wrong and unnecessary...etc... She won't go to counseling with me anymore (since she didn't want to hear what the counselor has to say...) so I had been going alone, but it seems so futile, and the loneliness is driving me insane... I've researched divorce and it's so devastating to young children, I've been hanging in there but... Anyway, so I thought maybe if I could just hook up with someone in a similar situation but am finding that very few women are willing to "go there" with a married guy, and being married, I can't be as bold or open as I'd like. I don't believe in lying about something like that so I'm upfront and tell everyone that I am married but then I have to explain and it just bums all of us out...LOL! I married a girl who couldn't get enough of me in the beginning and we used to go at it several hours a day. Now it's only when she has the urge and that's maybe once a month... I know her so well I can have her cum several times in just as many minutes, and then she tells me to hurry up and if I'm not done in at least five minutes, she gets pissed off and stomps off... So I thought maybe if I didn't let her cum but then that just pissed her off.... LOL! It's gotten to the point (at least 4-5 years now) where I don't even want to have sex with her, since she makes it such an awful experience. Of course, with all her talk about sex being wrong, just deny HER sex and LOOK OUT! I know ultimately the only solution I have left is to walk out the door, but won't you know it, now I've lost my job and our money's gone... (guess why...HAHA!!). Not to mention I moved here from VA and so I don't really have any friends to lean on here. Of course, she's got the whole family berating me for being the "bad guy" for making such a "big issue" out of sex... I do admit the prospect of being destitute and all alone isn't encouraging, and since my kids are the only real joy left in my life, I'm still reluctant to walk out. (I don't believe I'm telling you all this... sigh...). I thought maybe if I hooked up with some married women, but like "venture12002" said, they came with a ton of thier own luggage... Of course, I've learned alot being with these other married gals, so my wife may very well be having affairs of her own. What's amazing is though that I realized long ago I don't care anymore if she is or not. So what am I trying to say? HAHA! I guess I really don't expect a response, and I'll probably never be able to find my way back to this blog of yours again. I just needed to vent having had a bad couple of "years"... So I hope you don't take offense... What I probably should do is start my own blog, but I've been raised for so long that "guys aren't supposed to whine or cry", and I'm tempted to erase this whole thing, but hell, no one knows who I really am here anyway... (Well, except for those few wonderful ladies who did see me for a while before circumstances "happened", which I guess always will...). I guess it would help if the "love dog / cupid" settings at this site had an option for "married folk" like me, then I wouldn't be pissing off so many ladies who are upset when "a married guy" hits on them. To make matters worse, Another problem is that I can't seem to get "aroused" with BBW ladies. No offense to them, since I find them to be wonderful to speak with and I love chatting with them, but apparently, as my counselor has helped point out, it stems from a childhood where I was always harassed or beaten up as a child by "big girls". of course, Murphys Law, or Karma, or whatever,I don't know if there's an aura around me but that's who I seem to attract. I usually pride myself on being able to go for several hours and have at least "second cummins", but on the few occasions where I went ahead and tried to have "fun" with a big gal ended in dismal failure...sigh... (the human mind is a funny and twisted place...
Anyway, on the remote chance that you or a friend might have a solution, I'll go ahead and post this response... And to everyone else, sorry for whining but at least it's good to know reading about my sex life might at least help some insomniacs get some sleep... LOL!!

ProtonicMan 47M

8/19/2005 9:57 pm

It is very cool that you could be there for your friend this way. I think it says a lot about you that people feel that they can trust you with very personal and sensitive issues. I hope things work out well for her.


rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
8/19/2005 6:29 pm

humboldthonni - Coming from you, I take that as a high compliment. I have little professional training. It is primarily always being the friend lending the listening ear, which is a fail proof way to a conversation. I try to refrain from giving advice as well, but state some facts - ie, "Sex is not to be construed as a bad thing. If it is something that feels right, we should feel okay to move forward with our feelings so long as no one is getting hurt.". Other training has come from working with domestic violence issues and hotline calls in the past, albeit the domestic violence calls aren't usually of the sexual nature in this aspect. My openness to sex has always been there, but probably has been amplified through my months of blogging on AdultFriendFinder. Through my blogging I have seen a wide array of aspects on a variety of issues, which was indeed helpful when it came to conversing with my friend. My philosophy is being supportive of where my friends are leading themselves towards without being judgmental so long as it is in a direction where noone is being hurt. Exploratory sex is indeed a way to increase the senses and make the bedroom acts even better when they are one-on-one as well, and I did explain some areas where they might want to explore a little more one-on-one as well.

Again. Thank you for the compliment. It is often difficult to know whether or not you are saying the right thing, but I always try to take their lead and be there for them from a non-judgmental point of view. And, you are right, every situation has to be tailored differently. Had the encounter been of a rough, physical, violent nature, I would have certainly taken another entirely different approach.


rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
8/19/2005 6:18 pm

girltech47 - Yeah, it is. My thoughts were to save the marriage because everyother aspect of the marriage was good. It would be terrible to throw away a 10 year marriage just because the things in the bedroom department aren't what they expect them to be. I gave her lots of examples as well and suggested some books that might be able to give her more ideas. If I have saved a marriage, I feel that I have done some good.

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
8/19/2005 6:15 pm

venture12002 - Yeah, I know. That is why I try to be the sounding board mostly. There was a lot more to the conversation, but this was the gist of it. She really came to her own conclusion and I had to give very little advice. I was supportive of her though so long as she wasn't feeling pressured or placed in a situation that she couldn't get out of.

rm_venture12002 62M
67 posts
8/19/2005 3:20 pm

Didn't know if I should comment,becuase I'm sure most won't agree on here.Sex and emotions are connected.I don't do married women anymore for that reason.Nothing bothers me when it comes to sex so I've been asked to do everything you can imagine.However 9 out of 10 times if a woman gets something from you her husband won't give before long she's saying she'll kick him out of the picture.Her husband should do whatever it takes to get her off.I'd bet money if he keeps inviting over this same guy to do it for him.He'll wake up on the street some day.

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