Fear to cast away all doubts...  

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
5791 posts
6/30/2005 1:57 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Fear to cast away all doubts...

[blog sharksnsails] has returned within the last week or so and has expressed his fears that he is now encountering with the eminent demise of his relationship with his wife and the hardship he now faces with visitation with his own child(ren). In the last few days (is there a full moon out now), I have encountered friends who are going through some similar turmoils.

Fear is an ugly emotion. It worries us, it makes us procrastinate about things we don't want to do, and makes a deep knot in the stomach when we just think about what must be done (it is just getting from point "A" to point "B" tactfully and gracefully without hurting anyone in the process).

I know that some AdultFriendFinder folks are not religious by any means, but there is a bible verse in Hebrews (13:2) that I always find comfort in...and I re-read it today. It states, essentially, "Be not afraid to entertain strangers; for thereby some have entertained angels elsewhere." I use this in my practice for everyday living whenever I am meeting with new people or having to deal with people in any form or fashion....and somehow I feel it is these angels that comfort me day to day, every day.

I am a spirtitual person, even if I have not put it in so many words on these blogs, I am sure that you have sensed this about me. (This is why, avgjoe19602, I find it so unlike myself to be hateful or hurtful to anyone...through my actions (written or verbal) and work hard to be extremely diplomatic to all those around me.) As such, if you believe in guardian angels then you know what I mean when I say that, I do know that my Grandma is one of my guardian angels who tries to keep me inline and safe day by day.

When FEAR starts rearing its ugly head up at me, a lot of times I will find myself procrastinating. LOL.. cumtounge44 pointed out to me in one of my many blogs yesterday that he thought that my readers were actually going to hear less from me today. As I read that comment, I was thinking "OMG, he is right!" and half-way jokingly wrote back that I might have to look at when the peaks of my writing blogs are....and, when I did, I discovered that I was forming patterns of high peaks on/about the 15th of each month and on/about the 1st of each month, which correlates with my paychecks. Too funny in a sense. It is these paychecks that have never been consistent for me and have been a source of contention in myself since it is so hard to plan around paying bills around inconsistent paychecks. Wow. I little bit or a realization that wasn't made so visually clear for me until at that time.

That is probably my coping mechanism (procrastination) -- right or wrong -- and, sometimes, I am not really aware what that fear might be until I settle myself down. Last night, when I realized that I was not concentrating worth a hill of beans, I finally realized that I hadn't eaten all day... and probably not the day before -- just so much on my mind. (My family has a history of diabetes so I need to watch that better than I do.) I left my house and got something to eat. When you are really hungry everything tastes REALLY, REALLY good. My FEAR stemmed from pressure.... pressure knowing that bills were due in the next few days and I had to collect money for rent from two employers, a house guest, and my daughter who had agreed to start paying me rent b/c she was about to move out to an apartment of her own, along with a myrad of other deadlines I was trying to accomplish all at once.

I haven't accomplished all those goals...and I have to be at work in just a few hours.... but, so what!! Life does move forward...and we can all but just take one small step at a time, take risks where we see fit, take a gamble on life, and live life to the fullest capacity that we are able to do.

Nicole C Mullins wrote a song, and for the life of me I cannot find the lyrics, but what she is singing is reverberating in my head -- "Be not afraid... be not afraid... be not afraid." We should all be the wiser as well.

FEAR only tears us apart. FEAR only breaks us down. The only way to live is to take a stand and face FEAR together.

(*stepping down now from my rambling soap box*)

How do you face your fears????

What coping mechanisms do you use???

I am curious....

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
7/1/2005 7:29 am

Lipator - Now, isn't that the truth. I have experienced this nawing sensation as well -- not knowing what the heck is going on, but recognization that there is a decision to be made up the road ahead of me. Hmmmmm... I guess our bodies know us better than we do. That is also similar to when I am getting sick... my body shuts down or demands for iron supplemented in order to prepare or avert the inevitable. As a nurse, I am sure that you see this all the time in your line of work. Rock hard nerves, though????? Hmmmm... bracing yourself for the next round ahead of time??? lol...

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
7/1/2005 7:25 am

harshawj - Yes... Sometimes, it takes us a while to determine what the root of the cause of the "fear" is though. Some people work it out in their dreams (and, honestly, sometimes I do do this as well) and some people write blogs or journals/diaries (in pre-blog days). Because I am an advocate by nature, I do take action .... sometimes to a fault. (I am constantly getting written up for doing above my call of duty at work; which, this mystifies me to no end when most employers would give eye, tooth, and nail to have an employee that gives his/her 150% to everyone else's norm of 75-100%. ANYHOW.....

I do follow your blog, and see this in action as well. To me, you would seem to be a good advocate as well!!

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
7/1/2005 7:20 am

cumtounge44 - Writing is a real and viable outlet for me. I can, though, write, and have, written many things in a day dream state of mind as well without any real fears needed. Thank goodness for the blogs (through AdultFriendFinder and others) which allow us to organize thoughts, think through things, and work openly through our questions at hand.

Lipator 56M
71 posts
6/30/2005 5:17 pm

I have felt fear to the point of trembling on the way to work. I guess it is the fear of not knowing what problems I am going to have to face. I generally cannot eat anything for a few before going to work and rarely if ever while I am there. Strangely the not eating seems to help and I seem to focus better when not having to worry about throwing up. Even stranger my workmates all think I have rock hard nerves. Go figure that out

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