rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
5791 posts
7/16/2005 6:32 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


I am sooooo confused....

I was sooo hopeful this time last week that my Beau would be solidifying a commitment in a sense to one another through the anticipated meeting after being built up for weeks prior. Not a total commitment mind you (such as getting married then and there on the spot), but knowing what direction we might be heading to. Although we had a fabulous weekend, and there were some sparks, there just wasn't enough sparks that he felt comfortable moving forward with the next step of my visiting there. In the end, he thought that a relationship that he had begun prior coming out to visit me would solidify...and, now I sense that he is even questioning the inevitability of that. Relationships can be sooo very confusing at times.

I have had a relationship with a third guy I met through AdultFriendFinder....we were going strong for more than a month (seeing each other at his house and other public places 2-3 times a week) and suddenly we stopped....seemingly because I wouldn't call him "Daddy" instead of "Babah". Oh well....

I had had, too, a discreet relationship with a the fourth guy I met through AdultFriendFinder, albeit he was a married man looking for some side action. Sex with him was fabulous; but, what I discovered from myself, was that I didn't just want to be at the whim of someone else. I was truly longing for a LTR.

Several other short term relationships have occurred during the 4 months that I have been with AdultFriendFinder....some purely chatting buddies, some sexual rendevous, and some dating to a greater degree -- all with their definate qualities of their own. One, I am even planning a trip to another country with one AdultFriendFinder man next year because we both enjoy traveling and have a sense for adventure.

When Beau came along, I put the brakes on everything -- other than my chatting buddies -- because he truly caught my attention because of the commonalities we did share and how so very much we seemed like identical souls, true soulmates, that had drifted differently through this universe. It isn't often when that degree of attraction is found.

I am finding myself yearning for him still...I am not sure why. Perhaps, it is the true soulmate reaction; perhaps, it is because he is committed to his beliefs and convictions as strongly as I am to mine; perhaps, it is because we both shared on open mind; perhaps, it was his willingness to consider getting involved in a LTR eventhough our distance was a definate factor. Perhaps, this yearning will fade in time, although I know that he will always hold a special place in my heart and memory.

Having been exposed to Beau, I know now what type of a relationship I am truly seeking -- a LTR with a man of intelligence, wit, compassion, humor, romance, creativity, etc., etc.

While I am trying to regain focus, the tanglement of branches over the arches confuse the paths to take. I am taking one step at a time.... and will continue to do so in the meantime, and enjoy the friendships that I encounter and nurture along the way. My true Beau may be someone that I have met, or talked to and not yet met, or someone yet to meet. Only time will tell when the haze from this confusion is lifted one day soon.

What types of commitments are your seeking in your life right now???? In your journey with relationship on AdultFriendFinder, do you find yourself standing there in mass confusion???

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
7/17/2005 8:14 pm

anacortes - Desire or lust??? One would think that desires can be good -- right????

alice593 - I will keep that in mind....

alice593 71M

7/17/2005 8:00 am

Oh boy, still must be tired. Meant to say in last response, good times also. duh LOL

alice593 71M

7/17/2005 7:58 am

Thanks, txrose, for your opinion. It would be a lot easier just having a gal to discuss things with. Not just problems, but good times always. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I usually do what my heart tells me to do, so why stop now.

rm_anacortes 74M
2850 posts
7/17/2005 6:16 am

It is said in Buddhism, "DESIRE is the SOURCE of all suffering.

Namaste.. Frederick

rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
7/17/2005 12:41 am

jayR63 - lol... lots of "me" things. Trouble is that I have been doing a lot of that during the last 3 years of my husband's death. I am so ready to more forward with someone else ready to commit to a LTR. Hmmm....

alice593 - You have to be in the right frame of mind, if you want to have an affair. Two wrongs don't necessarily make a right in my book...and that is something that I live by in my life. You have to do what your heart feels is right -- whatever that may be.

For me right now, I can't simply turn on and off a relationship as fast as some other people might be able to do, especially if my feelings are strong for them.

alice593 71M

7/16/2005 11:39 pm

Right now, I am like you. I may just settle on a friendship of a woman of the opposite sex, instead of adding an affair to it. Someone to talk thing out with, that is would be neutral. One not favoring my or my wife's thoughts about something. Someone who would give an honest opinion to any questions I have, and if they had something to discuss, I could give them my honest opinion to a problem they may have. My wife had an affair, but it is over with now; so why should I start having one, when my conscious bothers me about having one. I never did it before.

rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
7/16/2005 8:55 pm

The absolute last thing I want in my life is a commitment.

i'm having too much fun being me.

Sleep with me.
Eat with me.
Workout with me.
Sex with me.
Just swimming in Lake Me.

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