I have returned...  

rm_trulydivyn 53F
98 posts
7/23/2005 7:35 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I have returned...

It's been so long since I've had the energy or the mindset to post a message, letting those who care or who follow my blogs and ramblings, know that I'm back on my own...it didn't work, not that I didn't try...my ex and I are not going to ever be able to live together again...it was short, sweet, and to the point! I learned more about myself, and more about what I won't put up with from him, or tolerate from anyone ever again.

A good friend of mine (you know who you are) has been there to listen, to advise, to gently take my heart and hold it for me while I cry, whine, lash out, and self destruct...for the friend to hold my heart while I do that, carry my burden with me, listen and be patient enough to wait for the storm to pass...I'm eternally grateful...

I recovered much more quickly this time, I guess it's because I held back more, I didn't commit this time, I didn't get myself into a situation I couldn't get out of in a hurry...that's a good way to describe it...I got out, quick, fast, and in a hurry, my dust is still settling in the shell of a house that I used to call my home...

My friend, the one who carried my heart, holding it gently until I was done with my combustion, is unaware of the rare gift he provides me...his friendship, his generosity, and understanding...

Don't get me wrong, I called all the girls out also, you know they came running to my rescue, calling all the cat calls, scratching the eyes out of all male alpha dogs along the way...for them, I'm also grateful...fortunately, they all know me well, and know that my belief is there are good men out there, I just haven't found the one who isn't going to destroy my heart on a regular basis...perhaps you'd say immediately it would be my friend who carried my heart for me while I need it carried...perhaps you'd be right, and I'd be a fool not to recognize it...

I do recognize...and I see...and wish I could give back what is freely given...however, until I'm done, until I'm ready, I cannot give my heart to someone to hold for more than a few hours at a time right now...having it held up and protected for a short time was glorious, but I cannot and will not be able to give it freely to someone until I'm ready to trust again...that may never happen...so, I hold it away from some, and shut it off completely from others...

The few I've found irresistable have gotten close, even fewer have touched me enough to continue to be considered friends...yes, this blog screams of the pain, the utter exhaustion of being me right now...possibly because it's my 42nd birthday on Monday, and I'm feeling my age this morning...I looked in the mirror and saw another woman looking back at me...one that was tired, spirit and aura low and weary...so, my only task for the day is to get myself up, get myself together, and enjoy the rest of the day knowing I'm a beautiful, exciting, sexy, unlimited, uninhibited, powerful woman of means!

I'll survive this day just like all the ones before it...I'm blessed to have been given the opportunity to create another beautiful day in the grace of those around me, and by the grace that God gave me...I'm grateful for that...


AllAboutFrolic 52M

7/24/2005 2:38 pm

From what I have read, you are a very warm and wonderful woman, who has as the foundation of her life the right element: The grace of God. Having recently come out of a relationship that was both the best and the worst of me life, I can relate to some of the things you stated. I, too, had a friend that helped me along with the healing process. Just be grateful they are there for you without them misunderstanding the situation. Vulnerability is a dangerous vice if not respected!

I have noticed your profile a number of times, and I must say, you are quite a beautiful woman. A deep-thinking one, as well, which adds even more to your character. Good luck with everything!!

Brain


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