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Your very own Shawn!
Your very own Shawn!
Yes, that's right, folks! Now you can own your own Shawn - free of charge! Just pay for his living expenses and provide him with space in your home, and he will cook, clean, dance, and perform other such odd jobs - all for you! Application below.
Attach following to application:
Why are you interested in owning an Shawn? (Appx. 100 words)
What would you expect your Shawn to do for you? (Appx. 100 words)
Would you agree to fully fund your Ender in exchange for the joy he would bring you?
Please note that all contracts are binding - however, you may try out your Shawn for a week. If he is not to your liking, you may cancel your order for a full refund.
Your Shawn is a guaranteed competent cook - he uses only the finest, freshest ingredients to create culinary masterpieces for you and/or your guests. He also does parties! All you need to do is provide him the the nessecary funds - Shawn will do the rest!
Stylish Arm Candy:
A Shawn is a valuable asset to any party. He'll make any dateless loser feel way popular!
Sexual Favors Ahoy!:
Not only is Shawn romantic and suave, he's also somewhat "experienced" - Odd fetishes or lights-off-missionary, Shawn will treat you right!
Kind of Clean:
Shawn is a decent housecleaner! He knows how to do laundry, dishes and dust venetian blinds. Vacuuming the floor? No problem for your state-of-the-art Shawn!
Clever, Smart, Funny & Cuddly:
That's right, folks! Your Shawn has everything girls lie about wanting in boyfriends when they don't want to sound materialistic and petty! His IQ is over 135! He can help you with your homework and likely fix your computer, too. He never fails to make people laugh, even if it comes down to making crude faces! His biting wit also comes in handy in use against B.D.J (big dumb jocks)! He's down with cuddling and 'just talking tonight' and willing to boost the occasional ego. He'll remind you how thin & attractive you look in whatever peice of clothing you happen to be wearing! Who could want more?
NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS!