Marriage Counseling...  

rm_tredx3 54F
32 posts
12/14/2005 1:27 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Marriage Counseling...

Has anyone out there actually been through marriage counseling and it has saved their marriage? When do you know it is worth fighting for?

SlimGoodGuy 38M

12/14/2005 2:28 pm

If you know in your heart you want it to work and you haven't explored useful therapeutic methods, give it a shot. There are, however, some relationships that you just know cannot work (ie: abusive) and you should get out when you can. I see a lot of people around here having extramarital relationships. If you do the counseling, make sure both of you are serious about it.

redmustang91 57M  
8599 posts
12/14/2005 2:36 pm

I did a little counseling and decided it was not worth much, but stayed married anyway. Too expensive to quit and not sure the next one would be better!

Han54boat 63M
11178 posts
12/14/2005 3:11 pm

Here is my two cents. It takes two. Both must agree that there is something in relationship, a want. My wife (ex wife now) and I went to counseling for about three years. First year, we went two. The last two years, we had one. Here are lessons. One, both must like the counselor. Two, after 8 to 10 appt., you getting no where, find another counselor. Remember that counselors are person with different ways, and view points. Change is in little steps which will build up to one big step. Trying to throw the relationship on a different path which takes understanding, talking, feelings, view points, love, and desires.
May love be with you,
Back in to fog,

Cum to my blog and respond. Have a great kissing fun time.

rm_tredx3 54F
4 posts
12/15/2005 11:35 am

Thanks for then encouragement Han., and to everyone else for their input. Life is never easy and no one has a crystal ball, at least mine is broke!

lajax 65M/51F

12/19/2005 8:44 pm

Hi there T...I've been through marriage counseling with my ex... more than once. The first time, I went to counseling alone to help me cope with his infidelity and my response, etc. This counseling did help me forgive and move forward with the relationship. After another 10 years we grew far apart and were not happy, so we sought therapy together. This was a disaster!! I even agreed to let him pick the therapist so that he would feel like he had a voice in the process. Remember....I'm a counselor and have all the experience in marriage/family/counseling, etc... this was a very unique experience for me to be the one sitting and sharing with the therapist about my marital problems. When the therapist saw how terribly we communicated and how volatile our conversations were becoming, she got really nervous. I could tell that my constant analysis of the problem wasn't helping, either. I had to admit to the therapist and to my ex husband that I really did not want to be there in counseling and did not want to continue in the marriage. That was the hardest thing to finally admit to myself and to my exhusband. But, it was the thing that moved us along to be able to come to some resolution of our problems and to get some help and support for our children during the divorce,etc. advice to you is to keep working on the issues and to always be honest and share from your heart. The things you may hear or say could be painful, but that is a part of the process of growing and healing a relationship. hugs, L

rm_amazed54 62M

12/23/2005 10:44 am

Hi T. Haven't IM'd in a while. Hope you're doing OK. I think any marriage that isn't abusive should at least attempt to be saved. If you have a desperate emptiness in your gut at the thought of divorce, then try. At least you'll have nothing to be ashamed of when you look in the mirror years from now. It does come at a price though: the harder one person tries to save it, the greater the sense of betrayal and bitterness if it still fails. I guess these will pass in time.

But it takes two of course. Once one party has emotionally committed to the split, there seems to be no recovery. Honesty and openess are crital - without them, counseling is a waste. Having sincere efforts is also a must. Dragging someone who wants "out" into counseling will just waste your time and money. Another waste of time and money is Dr. Bobus in JAX Beach. He doesn't listen; he made things MUCH worse; if there was a chance to save the relationship, he killed it. Choose your counselor well, and don't be afraid to change. When two honest and sincere people give counseling a serious try, there is hope. Unfortunately that opportunity has often passed by the time we think of using counseling.

I'd like to meet you someday, but I'd be happier to hear you successfully saved the mariage. Good luck, and kiss - Jim

rm_hogman432 54M
2 posts
1/3/2006 4:55 pm

Hi T. I went into "counceling" two years ago. as mentioned above, it takes two to make anything work in relationships. It takes each of the parties to make open decisions to change the things that are not working in the relationship. AND they need to talk, i mean really talk...not just give it lip service and revert to shouting matches. The big question before people seek counceling is to figure out if there is any relationship to salvage. most couples grow so far apart that the recovery is failed before counceling starts (set in our ways). As Jim states above, once one party has emotionally committed to divorce, it is over. thanks for seeking information. my two cents: divorce is horrible emotionally for all parties, but continuing a failed marriage is just as bad. Mike

SlowManDen 62M

8/7/2006 9:40 am

Although this is late in arriving for a comment in your blog, I wanted to give you a thought to consider.
I know what you've been going through because I've been there myself.
On marriage counciling, consider this if you will:
You already know deep in your heart what the outcome is and you already know what your gut instincts are saying.
Think carefully on what it is that is really important to you and your emmotional/spiritual/psychological well being.
If you realize in your heart that it's lost....spare yourself the turmoil of trying to fight a losing battle.
You have to discern where the honesty lay and what you might be willing to sacrifice.
Although there is no easy answer, trust your gut feelings and listen to that "little voice" in your head. First and foremost, your gut feelings are usually right. This is something I learned and have come to trust.

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