Edinburgh Fringe 2005 - fun snippets  

rm_tornado9923 50M
4 posts
10/21/2005 3:38 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Edinburgh Fringe 2005 - fun snippets

Edinburgh Fringe 2005

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
- Jimmy Carr

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears. - Chris Addison at the Pleasance

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs. - Patrick
Monahan at the Gilded Balloon

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be sh*tting herself. - Colin & Fergus at the
Pleasance

My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child ... well, maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night. - Susan Murray at the Underbelly

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
- Adam Bloom at the Pleasance

My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like
a tw*t. -Susan Murray at the Underbelly

You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go:
"What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself:
"Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
- Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
- Jeremy Limb, at the Trap

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". -
Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron

I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very
frustrating. You can take the Girl out of Cork... - Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco

Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire
station. Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
- Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. -
Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs. Why
don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies:
"What would the circus want with a Plumber".
- Steven Alan Green at C34

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!" - Norman Lovett at The Stand

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake. - Chris Addison at the Pleasance

I enjoy using the comedy technique of
self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it. - Arnold Brown at The Stand

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
- Milton Jones at the Underbelly


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