Im alive! Sorry for the interuption...anybody anybody  

rm_tlaw781 38M
31 posts
7/20/2006 3:24 pm

Last Read:
8/16/2006 8:02 pm

Im alive! Sorry for the interuption...anybody anybody

Hey hey hey
So if there were any regular readers here let me aplogize for the lack of blogging I had some technical difficulties! If there weren't, oh well, I suppose it still feels good to be back pounding the keys. And if it matters to anybody I am sitting in a public library while I get my internet woes solved to write to the masses or myself!

So enough of that. I'd like to get caught up on the recent days I've been gone, but too much to say and so little time, but some ideas did intrigue me so I'll throw one out. Why do we keep certain things from people we care about?

This last weekend I was playing some pool with a very good friend of mine i've known about 5 years or so. This person is in the top three people who know me but I found it curious how there were some parts of me she had no clue. I thought long and hard why? Was it because she and I dated for a very long time? She saw and knew of so many other bad things I had done why hadn't I said all?

You see I'm not perfect, oh no no, and not even close really. I know this site is filled with lots of things "gone bad" and others who are probably angelic but I say what I say good or bad because I own them. I own the things I've done or said and I'm not sure why I told her what I did.

I made a comment about cars and adrenaline and shit like that. Well she was smart enough to ask me what that meant and there it was the moment of truth. I decided in that moment I would tell her how i was pretty good at getting in and out of cars that weren't mine when I was younger. See pop moved us out of NYC in my "impressionable" years and he always stressed to get two educations-one from the street and one from the books. Now I had the books down. I graduated with honors 10th in my class and the whole bit. But only a few people knew I could also tell them how to launder money, borrow a car or split an 800 buy and turn it around skimping into a 2k profit.

See as much as I was soaking up info on ADP or the Krebs cycle or world history I was also soaking up info on the street. Now I didn't do all and everything because I also got into law early and I knew the cost benefits of most of that shit. See I could tell someone not only what the pros were but all the cons. I could tell you how much time you'd be looking at what the offense was and how to best serve yourself. Ironically I had a friend from back in the day call me recently for legal advice. I just laughed did what I could and gave him some other advice.

But as I was sitting over this pool table this weekend explaining that part of me I wasn't scared. Because no matter what she thought I knew who I was now. I owned all the bad shit I've ever done and I don't make excuses for it. People can hurt you with their words but it's only your face in the mirror in the morning and if your cool with it, that is all that matters! Fuckin popeye "I am what I am!"

So why do we hide things from people close to us? Should we tell all? Should we keep certain things to ourselves? Is it harder to know living with it and not telling some of those bad actions? Is the person closest to our soulmate the one who does not judge or condemn but rather accepts us even if they don't accept the act?

rm_KarmoHunny 54F
888 posts
7/27/2006 8:15 pm

Some things are better left unsaid. That is, let sleeping dogs lie. What was done in the past is over and done with. We can't change what happened but we can learn from it.


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