|Blogs > rm_theduck9 > Clearing out the Clutter|
The 13 Rules
The 13 Rules
The end of last month my 16yo daughter's boyfriend turned 18. It made me a little uncomfortable to say the least. 'Cause I remember what I was up to when I was 18. So I decided to expound my frustrations and come up with something simple any easy to understand. Below are the worries of a single father with TWO teenage daughters!
13 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughters
Rule One If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry! I have no doubt you are a popular guy, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you start going out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
Rule Two You do not touch or ogle my daughters in front of me. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them!
Rule Three I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, safe sex is the only way to keep from getting something that could kill you. Let me elaborate: Safe sex is a Myth! Anything you try with my daughter, Will Result in Death!
Rule Four I understand that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so that they appear to be falling off your hips. You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely around your waist.
Rule Five Do not try to get to know me! The only information I require from you is when you expect to have my daughter safely back home, and the only thing you need to say is "Early Sir."
Rule Six If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.
Rule Seven As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter and over an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. My daughter is putting on her makeup and doing her hair, a process which can take longer than painting the Sistine Chapel. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my Truck?
Rule Eight If I am not available to Okay a date with one of my daughters; Itís Not Going To Happen!
Rule Nine The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughters: Loverís Lane, The Bluffs, The Park or any other place that you kids go to make out. If there are no Parents, Policemen or Nuns present you shouldnít be there. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than wooden or steel chairs or benches are strictly forbidden. A place where there is complete darkness is an absolute No-No, this includes romantic movies. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than jeans, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Football, Basketball or Hockey games are okay.
Rule Ten If you bring her home late; there is No Second Date!
Rule Eleven Donít be Stupid! If you think I might get mad for what you are about to do; Then DONíT DO IT! Because you are probably right and you surely donít want to face the consequences! Because There Are Things That Are Worse Than Death!!
Rule Twelve You may not at any time dump one of my daughters so that you can go out with her sister or one of her friends.
Rule Thirteen If ever you have any questions about something that my rules donít cover be sure to check Rule Eleven before attempting it! Then come and ask permission!
Remember You Can Run But You Will Only Die Tired!!
I made my daughter's BF read and sign a copy of this just so he knew just how serious I was!!
What he didn't realize was that I like the him and of course I couldn't tell my daughter this. So I keep up the charade and let them think I am this un-believable hard-ass. When in reality I'm just a Teddy Bear that is protective of his baby girls.
Please feel free to use these rules, change them to suit your needs, have fun tormenting your kids by bring out old baby pix to show their bf/gf whatever.
Slow down and enjoy them they are only in your home for awhile.
5/6/2005 2:05 pm
that was good, i'll have to use it someday.|