Communication, misunderstandings, ambiguity........ gobble  

rm_tennismaiden 59F
2103 posts
3/16/2006 9:13 pm

Last Read:
3/6/2008 6:46 am

Communication, misunderstandings, ambiguity........ gobble


How much are we lovin this new format? A few kinks yet to be ironed out....

I just returned this evening from having a chat with a good friend. Yes...this was a good thing as clearing the air over last weekend was necessary for me to regain some perspective and composure.

I am this sweet thang when as kryztoph908would say I'm "captivating my audience" and "casting my spell". I can work a room, person or group by pulling out all the stops and shedding warm liquid comfort for anyones pleasure. The social butterfly or dame extraordinaire with words that float over my tongue and hopefully enchant those to trust my skills.

I pride myself on my communication skills, it took me damn long to perfect this art form and years of therapy and training. But we all know that the many languages we speak are our personal trademarks to us as individuals and each interprets VERY differently from the other. What one Means and what one Says can be rough terrain when a tenuous situation is present. Life would be much simpler if we could speak one dialect...but very boring indeed.

My frustration comes from exercising these skills only to be lost in translation and WHAM...."Houston we have a problem"! I freeze, I retreat into a little girl trying to wrap my brain around something that could be and usually is much more uncomplicated than it is. Why? due to the many cuts scrapes and bruises I've been afflicted with for so many years. They start acting up and begin hurting at the first thought of no nurse or Doctor near by to fix it.

These defense mechanisms sound the alarm that something is just not right and I'm at a loss to recognize the moment it happens and how I should respond. Why can't I just blurt out "STOP"! But instead I fake a smile, and begin the slow burn of turmoil deep within.

Hours....maybe days will pass before I conclude "I feel like crap" ...then I BLOW...holy hell! The wrath of the tennismaiden is an ugly vile display of anger to which lands more creases in her forehead and purple veins popping out her neck.

I cannot tell you how much I loathe this in myself, uncontrollable, inconsolable I am a bundle of nerves and jitters till I puke from the discomfort. I lament, scolding furiously and not exactly "how to win friends and influence people". I know deep down that I own valid issues, but sometimes pointing out other people's inadequacy's is not the best or most efficient way to communicate..... "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore"!

I lash out more furiously than a Great White shark after catching his prey and tearing it to shreds between his teeth. Almost as if someone had injected truth serum and I'm bubbling out all the locked up injustices of my current relationship. How horrible, you know saying things you keep hidden and have tried compassionately to overlook? It just spits out...and then reality hits!

OMG....you have just completely screwed yourself, the person thinks they don't know you at all, the remorse washes over you, and suddenly there is loss. So great it all but causes a fetal position and streams of tears for days from being such a wretched person pour out your eyes.

Each and every time this occurs I say to myself "I must change this behavior". After all...Pavlov could ring a bell and get dogs to salivate why can't I ring the bell and retreat for 2 days to get my wits all figured out and neaten up a bit?




Here's where the question comes folks.....what do YOU do when you're angry, upset, hurting, brooding?

Do you think you can change and be a better communicator?

SacredStarDance

3/16/2006 10:48 pm

There is a way we perceive communication, and how it is delivered... This I have had to practice.. since I have a permanent smile on my face.People think I'm always happy go-lucky.... so I have had to learn to start a sentence with "I'am angry"... no joke here...since I'am a horrible writer.. and I pray they read it the way I want it read..

If i feel I have miscommunicated.. I just say or write it all over until i'm understood.. Its healthier for me anyways... the other person... well lets just say poor, poor babes.

Sorry this is long.. but this is a very important post... Mis-communication can be hurtful and harmful to both ends. And I myself try hard everyday to communicate better and not let it brood and bring out my other personality that has her own SS#

times you have a intimate partner that you need to learn how to communicate with...yes it is true...intimacy and communicating takes yrs of researching and study.. But can be done.

again sorry so long.

great post

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat


rm_tennismaiden replies on 3/19/2006 5:19 am:
MRSMUFF - Why do people get us to the point where we become Bi-polar and cannot stand ourselves? We let them....gosh I hate that. I loved the comment about the SS#. Yes we do loose the smile and happy demeanor in a rapid way and those around us better see it comin! One can only be soooo nice for soooo long.

HeardLankaMalls 55M
2925 posts
3/17/2006 5:32 am

I internalize. I'll let things boil inside. I'm definitely non-confrontational, and too self analyzing, trying to figure out if "I" did something wrong, even though it may never have had anything to do with me. I get over it eventually, but give me my space first.

I have tried to change, and think I've accomplished it in some ways, but still have a ways to go.

Hope you have a Happy St Patty's Day TM!!

Hugs, C


rm_tennismaiden replies on 3/19/2006 5:40 am:
Cor - Might I say you are looking very dapper in those new digs you chose to post on your profile pic.

We softies are forever trying to please all species, maybe if we took meany pills no one would take such advantage of our loving nature. But then again we wouldn't be us...dilemma dilemma.

Thanks for the good wishes, right back at ya!

SpaceRangerNJ 55M
4687 posts
3/17/2006 8:33 am

Hi TM. So sorry you are having a few difficult days. Sounds like the worst is over.

I've have tried to become a better communicator. I have succeeded to some degree but it's hard.
I had a big tendency, because of childhood issues, to keep thing inside. This can cause medical problems.

And when the anger finally comes out it can be at the wrong person. The level of anger being disproportionate to the current situation. It would lead to rage. Not a good thing. Flips people out.

I have a tough time identifying my feelings. I know in my gut some injustice has been done but I can't put the words to it. I might take few days for the concept to gel. Then, when the anger is over I can talk to the person calmly.

If I do confront someone right away, even in a controlled manner, my adrenaline seems to shoot through the roof. I hate conflict. I have to remove myself from the situation so as to not let it get out of hand. So I try to belay making a comment until later. But sometimes I just can't.

Communication is difficult and I get very frustrated when someone isn't understanding me. I know they aren't getting it by the comments they make. The think they understand me and want to walk away. Agree to disagree. I really don't like to be misunderstood. I don't like people thinking I'm something I'm not. I put too much emphasis on what others think sometimes. Got to work on that one too. Another issue from childhood.

That's my story. I'm a work in progress. I also have and continue to do the therapy thing. Helps me with perspective which can go a long way to helping not have situations in the first place.

Be well my lady,
SR


rm_tennismaiden replies on 3/19/2006 5:53 am:
Space - There is nothing wrong with being "a work in progress" at least you recognize this. Some won't even embrace there are parts to them that could be changed, they say "take me as I am" and while that's good for some I believe we should strive for improvements all the time.

I'm working on the "rage" thing, don't know where this stems from...well I do, from not being validated or heard. But how do you go about trying to communicate in a civilized manner and still not heard? Then by the time the issue escalates things are out of control, unless flags are waving "red" no one listens.

We're both doing our life huh Ranger? Maybe this should be done alone as trying with a partner doesn't seem to work. If only.....

kryztoph908 59M

3/18/2006 7:56 am

Hmmm ... Ole Uncle Jumbo's Top Ten list of what to do when angry upset brooding hurt ... In the order they came to me.

10. Call my "Irish Twin" Brother. We share the same wounds from childhood, he "gets me" and I can talk with him about anything. And while I occasionally have no shoes ... he generally has no feet. If you catch my drift. And I know you always do!

9. Walk the front nine, alone. Brooding, perhaps crying, but eventually breathing deep and enjoying the commune with nature.

N.B. for the non-golfer: Sitting on the beach in a sand chair, right at the waterline, waves crashing before you, certainly an acceptable substitute. Cigar and Heineken optional but recommended!

8. Walk the Back Nine. With someone I've never met before, or perhaps barely know. And self-absorbed as I might be at that moment, ask about them and their life and really listening. The conversation might not be the deepest, but somehow relating your basics, your core, reacquainting with yourself the innate goodness in YOU that is unencumbered by all the entanglements of life, will make you feel better.

N.B. for the non-golfer: Taking Mr. Tucker to the park, sitting in the sunshine on a bench, and striking up a conversation with a fellow dog owner, an acceptible substitute. Or for that metter, lunching with a prospective Soul-Mate and certain Buddies-for-Life at a stately seaside resort built (c)1916.

7. Gardening. I do it rarely, living in a town-home, but something cathartic being knees down grovelling in the dirt. And when you're done, you see flowers and shrubs and mossy beds and feel like you've accomplished something!

6. Likewise cleaning. My office anyhow. At home I'm not allowed to clean, and there is nothing to clean, it's pristine, TY Baby-Wabbitz! But my office is a mess. I get agitato con fuoco when I find myself "spinning". When it takes me twice as long to find something as what needs to be done with it. Clean sweep time! Once I'm done I wash my hands, sit, breath, look at those full trash cans, put on some music, and delight in my victory vanquishing disorder. (Then I proceed to #1 ... LOL!)

5. Ride my bike. I don't ride it very often, but I find it cathartic when I do. Endorphins, anyone?

4. Call my Grandmother. She's 95. Talking with her is like a crash course in mis-communication. But it's heart-warming to know that she's still with me, and I know it brings a ray of sunshine into her day. We have her Steinway Grand. We christened it "Miss Lillian". Someday I'll have a nice brass plate made, proudly adorning the treble leg. Just thinking about it makes me feel very lucky and blessed. Someday I'll accompany you on Miss Lillian as you sing "All the Things You Are". Just the thought of it has me in tears. That would be a very special moment indeed.

[Tried to insert a picture of "Miss Lillian" but ... none of those new icons allow for that]

3. Listen to Beethoven. When my Mother-in-law passed, my nephew and I lay on the living room floor, he was only about two. During the Adagio of the 9th symphony, we tapped our hands together to the beat, slow but steady, reassuring. Someone asked him, "Matthew, where's Grandma?". He thought a moment, then looked up at the ceiling, and pointed, up. Not a word. He just pointed up. We resumed tapping. Things like this happen when Beethoven is playing. Little Matt didn't understand that Beethoven wrote, but never heard, what we were listening to. But his Uncle Jumbo did. And it somehow made the moment extra-special, like "there IS a God". I never felt that way in Church. But I did being with Matt and Ludwig. Don't even get me started on Brahms Requiem, which I bought the day before, and heard for the first time, an hour later.

2. Go for a scenic drive. Everyone has a favorite "driving road". Where you can open the windows, crank up the music, throw it into manual, and just exhilarate!

and the #1 thing to do when you're angry upset hurting brooding ...

1. Masturbate! Crank up your screen to 1280x1024 (right click, properties, settings, screen area) ... Go to AdultFriendFinder home page ... in Member Webcams > Watch Others ... tile up little pseudo-people 4 across 3 down ... hottay faces on top, breasts and chests and pecs and nipples on row 2 ... vulva and glans, dildoes and panties, legs and genitalia on the bottom row, throw a few TS/TG/TV in there for good measure, and break open the toy chest! Works for me every time!

Divine Providence? Just as I'm finishing on a low-note ... an IM comes over the Yahoo transom ...

naughty_69_20012002: I want to be your dirty slut

So with that, my fair Maiden-in-Distress, I'll bid you "Adieu!" The webcams beckon!


Hung_N_Tongue4U 56M

3/18/2006 1:13 pm

Silence and rage...not a healthy way to express yourself. And sadly
many of us do exactly that.

I know I can tolerate a lot, until I reach that point of eruption.
Then like Mount St. Helens I explode uncontrollably. Followed by
the remorse of what I have just done. I know this feeling very well.
It sucks

To those in the path of my venting I must appear as though I am a
complete madman! First I am attacking, then I am nurturing the wounds
I've just inflicted.

But recently I've discovered blogging. It helps a great deal. Here I
can curse and scream and yell, taking my frustration out on my keyboard. Then looking at it the next day is an eye opener. Perhaps I was not as angry as I thought. Maybe it wasn't that important to
say. But it feels good and it works.

I wish you the best in your search for an answer to this perplexing question TM. And if you find it please forward it to me.

All the Best
H&T
AKA Peter G.


rm_tennismaiden replies on 3/19/2006 6:02 am:
Well hello Peter G, how nice of you to stop by. The keyboard can be therapeutic at times but a poor substitute for getting issues resolved. I want a person to recognize my discomfort, admit there has been suffering and not necessarily address my wounds but admit they could have in some small way prevented them in the first place.

I know....impossible in a tainted world now-a-days. We (collectively) are too busy keeping our heads above water to ever validate another's pain. WE barely recognize our own discomfort never less our beloved.

If those around us could wrap there arms just like mom and Dad did to say "I'm sorry you hurt honey" there would be less explosive temperaments. Followed by "what can I do to make it better" simple right? Naw....we all forgot to nurture ourselves and others, there should be a manual somewhere.

kryztoph908 59M

3/19/2006 10:54 am

Hmmm ... Ole Uncle Jumbo's Top Ten list of what to do when angry upset brooding hurt ... In the order they came to me.

10. Call my "Irish Twin" Brother. We share the same wounds from childhood, he "gets me" and I can talk with him about anything. And while I occasionally have no shoes ... he generally has no feet. If you catch my drift. And I know you always do!

9. Walk the front nine, alone. Brooding, perhaps crying, but eventually breathing deep and enjoying the commune with nature.

N.B. for the non-golfer: Sitting on the beach in a sand chair, right at the waterline, waves crashing before you, certainly an acceptable substitute. Cigar and Heineken optional but recommended!

8. Walk the Back Nine. With someone I've never met before, or perhaps barely know. And self-absorbed as I might be at that moment, ask about them and their life and really listening. The conversation might not be the deepest, but somehow relating your basics, your core, reacquainting with yourself the innate goodness in YOU that is unencumbered by all the entanglements of life, will make you feel better.

N.B. for the non-golfer: Taking Mr. Tucker to the park, sitting in the sunshine on a bench, and striking up a conversation with a fellow dog owner, an acceptible substitute. Or for that metter, lunching with a prospective Soul-Mate and certain Buddies-for-Life at a stately seaside resort built circa 1916.

7. Gardening. I do it rarely, living in a town-home, but something cathartic being knees down grovelling in the dirt. And when you're done, you see flowers and shrubs and mossy beds and feel like you've accomplished something!

6. Likewise cleaning. My office anyhow. At home I'm not allowed to clean, and there is nothing to clean, it's pristine, TY Baby-Wabbitz! But my office is a mess. I get agitato con fuoco when I find myself "spinning". When it takes me twice as long to find something as what needs to be done with it. Clean sweep time! Once I'm done I wash my hands, sit, breath, look at those full trash cans, put on some music, and delight in my victory vanquishing disorder. (Then I proceed to #1 ... LOL!)

5. Ride my bike. I don't ride it very often, but I find it cathartic when I do. Endorphins, anyone?

4. Call my Grandmother. She's 95. Talking with her is like a crash course in mis-communication. But it's heart-warming to know that she's still with me, and I know it brings a ray of sunshine into her day. We have her Steinway Grand. We christened it "Miss Lillian". Someday I'll have a nice brass plate made, proudly adorning the treble leg. Just thinking about it makes me feel very lucky and blessed. Someday I'll accompany you on Miss Lillian as you sing "All the Things You Are". Just the thought of it has me in tears. That would be a very special moment indeed.

[Tried to insert a picture of "Miss Lillian" but ... none of those new icons allow for that]

3. Listen to Beethoven. When my Mother-in-law passed, my nephew and I lay on the living room floor, he was only about two. During the Adagio of the 9th symphony, we tapped our hands together to the beat, slow but steady, reassuring. Someone asked him, "Matthew, where's Grandma?". He thought a moment, then looked up at the ceiling, and pointed, up. Not a word. He just pointed up. We resumed tapping. Things like this happen when Beethoven is playing. Little Matt didn't understand that Beethoven wrote, but never heard, what we were listening to. But his Uncle Jumbo did. And it somehow made the moment extra-special, like "there IS a God". I never felt that way in Church. But I did being with Matt and Ludwig. Don't even get me started on Brahms Requiem, which I bought the day before, and heard for the first time, an hour later.

2. Go for a scenic drive. Everyone has a favorite "driving road". Where you can open the windows, crank up the music, throw it into manual, and just exhilarate!

and the #1 thing to do when you're angry upset hurting brooding ...

1. Masturbate! Crank up your screen to 1280x1024 (right click, properties, settings, screen area) ... Go to AdultFriendFinder home page ... in Member Webcams > Watch Others ... tile up little pseudo-people 4 across 3 down ... hottay faces on top, breasts and chests and pecs and nipples on row 2 ... vulva and glans, dildoes and panties, legs and genitalia on the bottom row, throw a few TS/TG/TV in there for good measure, and break open the toy chest! Works for me every time!

Divine Providence? Just as I'm finishing on a low-note ... an IM comes over the Yahoo transom ...

naughty_69_20012002: I want to be your dirty slut

So with that, my fair Maiden-in-Distress, I'll bid you "Adieu!" The webcams beckon!


rm_tennismaiden replies on 3/21/2006 6:07 am:
My Kinky sweet man, what a treasure you are and have one of the most fascinating minds of all time. You underestimate yourself and should capitalize on all those fabulous talents. You simply have TOO much time on your hands.(smirk)

This comment was supremely thought out and written as only YOU can do. I laughed, cried and felt you as only I can do. You are such a presence and someday we shall volley more than mere words and glances.

Your generosity and affections though they be very upstanding are indicative to the man you are. A gentleman with a twist that is such a delight in every way.

The only gardening I'd have you doing my love, is tending my bush and savoring such tasty nectar's of lust. Yummmmmy! {=}

roger_the_hound 57M

3/20/2006 2:47 pm

There's little that upsets me much.
On burdens I keep a light touch.
To just let them go
Is like a good blow:
It sucks but feels great in the clutch!


You are a very intriguing individual and your use of this blog to bring clarity to issues that confront you is fascinating.

Ars longa, vita brevis.


rm_tennismaiden replies on 3/21/2006 6:14 am:
So often I read your quick verse
I am swept away by the curse
to tease and delight this maiden takes flight
and attempts to tickle your sight.

Sorry...I'm just not very good....But I tried, how about a few lessons? I'd rather enjoy nestling up close while you teach me a few things or two! Thank you for breaking your prose to appreciate me....that meant a lot! Kisses {=}

libgemOH 56M/52F

3/21/2006 7:21 am

Spoken communication has never been my strong point. I am absolutely known for sticking my foot in my mouth whenever the opportunity arises! Whn I become upset or angry, I write. I write my thoughts and feelings, my heart and my soul. I can think about what it is I'm saying when I write and I can get my thoughts clearer in my head. If I speak when upset, it will generally not be a pretty sight! And if I go to rage, that place where everything turns red and all thoughts turn ugly, where I feel nothing but my heart trying to beat its way out of it's chest, that is where I can no longer shut up. It's a place I hate and avoid at all costs! Great question! -B


roger_the_hound 57M

3/21/2006 9:10 pm

TennisMaiden, you wrote:
Sorry...I'm just not very good....But I tried, how about a few lessons? I'd rather enjoy nestling up close while you teach me a few things or two!

If I were to give you a lesson,
I know that I'd soon be digressin'
From rhythm and rhyme
To topics sublime
Like your carnal delicatessen.


How yummy!

Ars longa, vita brevis.


kryztoph908 59M

3/22/2006 5:35 am

I truly enjoy your poems Roger, thank you for bringing such pithy finesse to blogland!


_Safira 53F
11260 posts
3/22/2006 6:02 am

TM ~ I have been told that I'm a great communicator who, while occasionally being subtle, believes that ambiguity sucks. Apparently being clear and concise in all forms of communication (verbal, written, etc.) is somewhat intimidating or overwhelming to others at times. I just try to keep it gentle ... if that makes any sense.

Love you, Sunshine!

Safira

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?


rm_tennismaiden replies on 3/23/2006 5:23 am:
My sweet, there is much that both of us has yet to learn, and yes simple nonthreatening gentle words are golden gifts that we are blessed with. Sometimes though....it all goes to shit and what we think we know turns out being "not enough" keep plugging away, and forever wear that beautiful smile, sometimes that says it all!

roger_the_hound 57M

3/22/2006 2:16 pm

    Quoting kryztoph908:
    I truly enjoy your poems Roger, thank you for bringing such pithy finesse to blogland!
Kryztoph,

When choosing 'tween pithy finesse
And quim-stirring carnal largesse,
The crux of the matter
Is which will pluck at 'er
Heartstrings (and the latter's my guess).


I took a quick glance at your blog and found one thing we had in common: you're the only other blogger of which I'm aware that paid homage to Mozart's birthday in January. Well done!

Reference:
Happy 250th Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Kryztoph's serious post)
[post 216963] (Roger's irreverent post)

Ars longa, vita brevis.


roger_the_hound 57M

3/24/2006 4:16 am

TennisMaiden,

No line-up will feature my cock.
That big fella stays in my pock-
Et 'til, in the flesh,
When you and I mesh,
Your lips 'round his shaft tightly lock.


No apology required! LOL!

Ars longa, vita brevis.


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