Preserving Our National Treasure...Men Pt. 2  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
posts
7/6/2005 12:12 pm
Preserving Our National Treasure...Men Pt. 2


Last time we just scratched the surface when it comes to explaining men. Now the gloves are off.

Rule 1
First off ladies, if you want a male to remain semi-docile, never–and I mean never–do either of the following:
a) Touch or move the remote control. Dudette...you got a problem. The remote control serves many purposes for us guys. It's a blankie of sorts. Within it lies security and power. We know with a mere flick...death to anything offensive. Like Oprah, feminine hygiene stuff, commercials for Lifetime, and anything informative. Also, channel up channel down is aerobic. You may even consider limiting glances at the remote. Pretty threatening.
b) This is a biggie...NEVER send us for feminine protection/hygiene devices. They are evil. Ladies, ever notice when you purchase these thingies and go to a male cashier...he won't even touch the box? They use a pencil to turn it over to reveal the price and flip it into a sack. Besides being evil, they're just too damn complicated. It always starts with, "...and would you grab me some protection? The ones with the orange. NOT the green." Hey...I've read these boxes. It's easier to assemble a stereo than understand this stuff. "For light hiking and boating, but not skiing, horseback riding, long car trips, or bingo." Evil I tell you.

Rule 2
Admit to us you all speak in code to each other and Oprah is your leader. Al Bundy touched on this and you had his show cancelled. We know it's happening. We see you look at us, turn to each other, and snicker while you whisper. Just come clean about it. Oh yea, another thing from above...why does anything that goes against your crotch need wings ? Is this code too? Honesty will go a long way with us when it comes to hitting the laundry basket.

Rule 3
Never ask us to get in-touch with our feminine side. We don't have one! GOD did not give us a feminine side. HE didn't give us a feminine anything...if HE did...we'd play with it, and it would be raw. I'll tell you right now, slap a set of boobs on me and I'd never leave the house. Why leave? Like where I'm going is more fun than playing with these boys? I don't think so.

Rule 4
Quit laughing when you see a guy get smacked in groin. Trust me, we find very little humor in this. And, when you laugh...we get paranoid. Maybe you want to recreate this scene or something. Maybe you enjoy watching our hair straighten and our toes touch our heels. We figure this is one of those experiences that once a lifetime is plenty and there is no humor here. OK, if it involves a rubber hammer it might be mildly funny. Also, never laugh if Little Kenny gets caught in a zipper. Another once a lifetime experience. If your male does get caught in his zipper, understand that he will not unzip . He will wait for the pants to rot off. This is normal.

Rule 5
You sit when you pee. We stand. We figure...since you have to sit anyway...why not take the seat with you? Easy...just hook it with your finger on the way down and bam...no more surprise cleansing's. Besides, we need the seat up to practice. You didn't think we could write our name in the snow without practice did you? I am working on printing it.

Hope this helps a bit.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/6/2005 1:49 pm

I knew it I heart!! Secret emails and stuff. Will Oprah cancel my blog?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/6/2005 1:51 pm

Oops...Hail...OK now you switched codes for the other female readers. Guys, don't expect laundry or food for the next week.

[blog talldarkavg1]


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
7/6/2005 2:03 pm

can't stand opra,never laughs at a guy being kicked and only lifet s the remote to clean it and change the batteries

amusing post


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/6/2005 2:20 pm

Oops...Hail...OK now you switched codes for the other female readers. Guys, don't expect laundry or food for the next week.

Guys: KLAATU BERRADA NICTO

[blog talldarkavg1]


mehappy4u21 53F

7/6/2005 2:35 pm

Don't worry Oprah won't cancel, you gave her credit so you're safe...

And for the record any male who steps into my domain better keep HIS HANDS OFF the Remote... LOL...


rm_reisaree 42F
611 posts
7/6/2005 5:34 pm

OMG....Mister(this is what I call him..he knows) the first rule explain why my husband and I have spent the last 20 years fussin' and fightin'.. I never have relinquished control over the RC and am all the time sending that boy to the store for "the ones in the purple box... with the pretty flowers on it"....

Why couldn't someone have told me this on my wedding day??


DirtyLilSecret61 55F

7/6/2005 8:56 pm

Peg Bundy is my idol! I groan when a man gets hit/kicked in the crotch, I especially fond of that part of the male anatomy. Oh and by the way ... I got a second remote so that when Bozo sits in his chair I can secretly point my remote at the and change the channel BACK. Sure he cusses at the tv and threatens to buy himself a new remote but usually he just gets up and hands me the thing growling "here it never works right for me - I'm going to bed."

hehehe I'm sooooooo bad.

"Lil"


DirtyLilSecret61 55F

7/6/2005 8:56 pm

forgive the grammatical errors, this was written after several Heinekens.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/7/2005 1:39 am

talldark, I just stay single so I don't have to make my man feel threatened when I look at the remote. Oh wait, I don't even watch TV, so I guess it would not matter anyway.

DustStormDiva


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 5:04 am

Papy...sure you're not a double agent? If you aren't, you're a gem!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 5:05 am

Happy, thank you for checking with Oprah! Point taken on the remote.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 5:08 am

Ms Reisaree, he wrote me...hence this blog. By the way...he'd appreciate it if you stopped bean shooting the back of his head when he nods off during CSI.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 5:09 am

LMAO Lil, what a brilliant torture!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 5:10 am

Heinekens huh? You know, after 15 or 20 beers they all taste the same...save some $

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BLONDENEEDSSEX 57F

7/7/2005 7:37 am

Ok Ladies I will break the code , next time he leaves the romote to go to take a leak and you know he`s going to leave the seat up once more , remove batteries from remote, tip toe around corner and peak at him having a fit because he can`t figure out why the remote won`t work.

{=} Blonde


Steely_xxx 44M

7/7/2005 7:49 am

You hit the nail on the head. Funny shit!


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 8:10 am

Diva...single does have its drawbacks. I know I hate being single. No one to blame my screw ups on!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 9:34 am

Thank you for not using the code Blonde.

Guys Blonde is dangerous!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 9:36 am

Thanks Steely. Why do I feel awkward when a guy tells me I hit the nail on the head...and I'm looking at his butt?

[blog talldarkavg1]


quitewild 44M

7/9/2005 6:43 am

too funny


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/11/2005 5:25 am

Thank you sir.

[blog talldarkavg1]


cuddleboy69 49M

7/25/2005 10:29 am

funny again ...
In Asia (at least in Taiwan) the seat is always up!


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/25/2005 12:45 pm

LMAO Anemone...I will pick up everything I remember. I'd better make a list.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/25/2005 12:46 pm

Fixed!!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/25/2005 12:47 pm

Cuddleboy Japan too. Actually, the traditional ones are just a trough in the floor. Easy to hit but tough on the thighs if you plan on reading anything.

[blog talldarkavg1]


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