My Mouth Has Room For BOTH Feet  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
posts
8/24/2005 9:55 am
My Mouth Has Room For BOTH Feet

This will probably come as a real shocker to many of you. On occasion, I say the wrong thing at the right time. The really really wrong thing. Now we're not talking about putting your foot in your mouth here kids. That implies some sort of gentle motion. We're talking jambing both feet in the mouth and then trying to crawl in after them. There's a visual for ya.

For example. A year or so ago one of our vendor sales reps was in town and offered to take my brother and me out for a few drinks. Who am I to refuse hospitality? We headed off to the local watering hole, parked and went in. I figured I would set the pace and buy the first round, nice guy that I am. Little did I know beforehand...this was karaoke night.

As I approached the bar, there was a woman singing Led Zeppelin's Kashmir and a small group of people next to the ordering station. You know the part in the middle of the song where that one note is held for about a week? She was at that note. It was, at best, horrific. Quick thinker as I am...I immediately grabbed my balls with both hands, in a Charlie Chapinesque over-animated fashion, and stated..."Geez, I hope I can still have kids!" I then limped up to the bar.

You guessed it. Not only was that her husband, but the entire group had a hand clapping sing-a-long going on prior to my arrival. Fortunately, looks cannot kill.

A bit ago I was grocery shopping. That is an event NOBODY ever wants to share with me. I tend to hit stuff with my cart. A lot. You know those really cool displays they setup with 500 cereal boxes? A goner! I can usually take one of them out in a single pass. However, sometimes it does require a lap around the aisle and a second crash. But usually just one.

This day there was a snack cracker display that was asking for it. Big, obnoxious, and gawdy. Not me, the display. Now my favorite technique is to build up speed walking, release the cart, and bend down to tie my shoe. There is also considerable thought that goes into bring down on of those things. Some need to be hit at a 38° angle to the right or left, some dead center. This one was dead center.

I launched my cart, bent down, and glanced up with my eyes...right on course. Little did I know, in the aisle at a right angle to the display, were the three guys that just set it up. The crash. As I looked up the three guys were rushing toward the display. At that same moment beer cans were jet propelling themselves all over the place. One screamed past me. Seems there was a 6-pack of beer display behind the crackers. Who knew?

I guess if beer falls from high enough the pop top partially pops and send the can flying on its own. I walked up to retrieve my cart and said, "Somebody ought to put something on that cart handle so it isn't so slippery". They didn't buy it. I bought 16 partially drained beers and a dented 8-pack. The good news, I had 6 boxes of beer flavored crackers to go with it.

Ever mess up?


[blog talldarkavg1]


Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/24/2005 12:01 pm

Whew
I am glad I am not the only one this stuff happens too


rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
8/24/2005 12:49 pm

LMAO

I learned to never ever ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you actually see a baby coming out


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo
.
~Dante~


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/24/2005 2:41 pm

LOL Luke...very very good advise!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/24/2005 2:41 pm

Jiggly be my guest. Yes...you too can have your photo at the entrance to WalMart with a universal don't through it.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/24/2005 3:24 pm

S³ try this one. Nab 8 or 9 boxes of condoms and randomly distribute them into shopping carts temporarily left by the owner. Be sure and bury them. Who said grocery shopping isn't a hoot?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/24/2005 3:26 pm

PNS years of discipline have honed these skills.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/24/2005 3:29 pm

LMAO Anemone you said that to a priest? You may need an extra rosary or three to escape this one. That's where heathens like me are safe.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/24/2005 4:39 pm

Honni you know I think the world of you right? I truly do. Please...do not ever do that in front of me...I will pee myself laughing. You'll get angry at me and throw stuff.

[blog talldarkavg1]


FunandFrisky79 41M/37F

8/24/2005 4:59 pm

TDA- I can assure you that you are not alone!! I do stupid things all the time. But, I mostly run into things on my own! I guess it's just the blonde in me!

]


TDandH1960 56M

8/24/2005 8:00 pm

ROFLMAO That is just to funny, now I won't feel so bad when my 4 yr old takes out store displays as he zooms around the store!


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
8/24/2005 9:38 pm

I took out an end cap of glassware with a pallet jack my first day on the job when I was 19. The glasses that I broke were probably worth more than I made in a week. Surprisingly they didn't make me pay for them or fire me, the manager just laughed and stayed out of my way whenever I had that thing with me.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


five_speed 41M

8/25/2005 7:29 am

Me and some army buddies had to fight a forest fire with shovels and machetes for five days straight once - because we started it and there was no one else available to keep it from reaching the hospital that just happened to be four miles away "the way the crow flies."

For the record, we did start the fire on purpose, but the fire getting into the woods was not part of the plan. It was supposed to remain on the gunnery range, or range control was supposed to have a fire team on hand to come put it out, but the fire spread and all the fire teams were otherwise occupied. It sucked.


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