Life's Most Embarrassing Moments, or Why Not To Hang With Me.  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
posts
7/19/2005 6:55 am
Life's Most Embarrassing Moments, or Why Not To Hang With Me.


Yesterday, pussinboots4u made a comment about sharing your Most Embarrassing moments during sex. I hope she does a Blog addressing this. I will not. Obviously...any sexual encounter with me would be embarrassing. Instead...let's yak about embarrassing moments in general.

Surprisingly enough, people around me are frequently embarrassed. It's not that I go out of my way to do it on purpose...but rather my brain engages uncontrollably in unforeseen directions, and my mouth has DSL.

I am the first to admit, embarrassing me is a pretty tall order. I tend to pick up on it and run with you. This is often quite amusing for all concerned. However, there are those handful of times when I have been stopped dead in my tracks. Here are a couple of them.

This one turned me so red...my skin burned. This involved my recent ex. She is significantly younger. Then again...most everyone is significantly younger than me. But, in this case, one look at us and it was painfully obvious.

We were standing on line at a grocery store around 10 in the evening. You know the scene...one register open, 30 people lined up, and everyone observing the unwritten rule of no loud talking on line. When we were 2 people from the cashier...she coyly looked at me, circled my ear with her finger, and in a most audible tone asked, "Daddy...will you fuck me tonight? Mommy's gone."

I was frozen. Spiders had time to build a web in my mouth. My skin burned. Everyone glared, mumbled among themselves, and when it came time to check out, the cashier literally threw my change at me. As this occurred she humped my leg and grabbed my butt. To this day, I have never been back.

There is a happy ending. One afternoon a couple of weeks later, we were heading home and approached a convenience store. She blurted "Pull in. Will you pick up some protection for me? (Actually, I think she called them plugs.) You know, the one's with the orange label." Opportunist as I am...I complied. HeHeHe.

The place was packed. I parked in front. She was 10 feet from the front window. I nabbed her package, waltzed up to the window, held the box up to it, and pounded on the glass a few times. When she looked at me (as did everyone in the store) I made the typical male shrugging move pointing at the box while mouthing, "These??" Her head sank below the dash and was not visible for the next 7 blocks.

The next most embarrassing experience of my life came about a couple years ago. I was taping an episode for Ripley's. The one where I got hit by the wrecking ball. We taped that one at the castle in St. Augustine. Keep in mind this is a museum and has no dressing rooms. I used the Men's room. It was small and covered in ceramic tile.

About 20 minutes before you tape they 'mic' you. That is putting on the microphone and remote sending pack. You talk, they adjust everything...you're ready for the shot. AFTER they did this, I realized I was not wearing a cup. Trust me, if you ever plan on getting hit by a wrecking ball, a cup is your friend.

I went into the Men's room and into the only stall. Next to it is the urinal. I was undressing when someone entered and used the urinal. I gave the mandatory light cough to alert my presence. He responded with the most incredible flatulence I have ever heard. I'm not talking a minor poot here. I mean a World Class resonating thunder clap...that lasted at least 10 seconds.

Immediately I realized that I was mic'd. Instinctively my hand covered the mic. Then I started thinking...they had to hear that and by covering the mic I just confirmed it was me. I moved my hand. It was silent. Then came an aftershock. I announced in the mic, "I swear to God that wasn't me!" From next to me I hear, "Huh?"

When I exited the building I looked over about 200 feet away to the sound trailer. All 4 tech's were staring at me. I asked, "Did you here?" All 4 nodded in affirmation and then held up handwritten signs. I scored from 9.2 to 9.9

OK, enough of my antics. Got something that made you squirm?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/19/2005 9:43 am

LOL what a yutz I am...substitute hear for here 3rd line from the bottom. If you use spellcheck...you must be a homo.

[blog talldarkavg1]


DirtyLilSecret61 55F

7/19/2005 10:07 am

I am ROLLING on the floor here at work ... amazing how I can type, eh?

Please ... just to be in your presence for one afternoon would make my life so much (dare I say this?) more fun. (What did the Russian judge score, by the way?)

I wouldn't even know where to begin on embarrassing moments. I'm sure my kids could tell you many.

"Lil"


AltumHunksUnite 53M

7/19/2005 11:17 am

I was in a convenience store once with a new girlfriend once, and a woman looking hideous with her hair in curlers and a big cigarette haning out of her mouth walked across the front of the store on her way inside.

Before this woman got to the door, I said to the girlfriend, "Wow, check her out. That's really attractive, isn't it?"

It turned out that the woman was her mom.

whoops.

Let me drive. I like the view


rm_major259 50M
101 posts
7/19/2005 11:30 am

I did the classic blunder and said another girl's name during sex.

It happened to be Karen.

Being the deep south, I thought I could get away with "Carin"...about someone is wonderful" or something similarly stupid. But it was too late, I know she felt the shockwave that had just gone through me. She didn't say anything though...

The next morning at breakfast, she tells me "You called me Karen last night". I said "But..but..you didn't say anything then!" She replied, "I was close to getting mine, I wasn't going to let you fuck it up."


rm_major259 50M
101 posts
7/19/2005 11:31 am

I'm still doing the "Hail Mary"s from that one.


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
7/19/2005 11:50 am

Laugh! Excuse me, I need to clean my monitor ...

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/19/2005 1:07 pm

LMAO Cleavis. Still dating?

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/19/2005 1:08 pm

LOL Major...for that simple reason...I always scream my name!

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/19/2005 1:09 pm

You get that happening to you too daphne? I have done that literally because of different blogs.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/19/2005 1:12 pm

Nbtnt...thank you...but what has happened to you in the way of embarrassing situations? Or is just stopping here enough? LOL

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/19/2005 1:13 pm

Would be fun indeed Lil. Well, fun for me I'm sure. Nab one of the kiddies and then spill.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/19/2005 1:14 pm

Katey you're just too sweet! Hope the headache goes bye bye. Slam your foot in a door...takes your mind right off it.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/19/2005 1:15 pm

LOL thanks Nic

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CuteAZguy27 39M
1545 posts
7/19/2005 1:21 pm

Just very recently working graveyards, i was by myself just jamming to a song with a drink in my hand (yes a non alchoholic beverage) and i did a spin with my toes and when i came fully back around there was a lady who just gotten out of her car right before my spin and watched the whole process thrue the window as she was approaching the building, i quickly took a drink and realized my cup was empty, and as she came in my face was already deep red and trying to act cool like i ment to do that didnt pull thrue.

-CuteAZguy27


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/19/2005 3:02 pm

LOL Az...busted! Good thing your move didn't include the patented Michael Jackson gonad grab.

[blog talldarkavg1]


babsygirl 55F

7/19/2005 4:01 pm

Tall as always, U are s amusing....I love to read your blogs...

Babsy


Ana_6973 43F

7/19/2005 6:14 pm

Hmm, embarrassing moments......I have lots of those. But a few I remember particularly well. You went to the bathroom with your mike on, well, my mike was off, but I dropped the black thingy your mike plugs into in the toilet. Oops! Thank god I'd already flushed. My teenage years were fraught with moments of extreme embarrassment. One time I had just finished telling this guy off for being such an ass to a friend of mine and stomped back to my seat and plopped down. Well, I had on a pair of extremely tight and extremely old and well-worn jeans----they exploded at the seams when I sat down. Everyone noticed. Thank god my mother was still home to bring me another pair. And those are just two I can think of off the top of my head.

~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~


yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
7/19/2005 6:57 pm

LMAO This changes everything.....now I'm looking to date (much) older men...just so I can do that to them! What an inspiration...

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it


i6u9we69allnight 40F

7/19/2005 8:49 pm

i was most embarrassing moment had to be when my husband and I first started dating. His parents had left town for the weekend so we decided to stay at his house. On Saturday night we got a little wild and he hancuffed me to the ;eg of the kitchen table. all of a sudden the back door opened up. My husband took off running to his room and left me in the middle of the kitchen floor.
Needless to say his dad never looks me in the eye to this day and his mom always tells me to wait one day our kids will the same kinda of stuff.


CaboWaboVHnut 56M
637 posts
7/19/2005 9:32 pm

Embarrassing moments...hmmm, I'll be 45 in 3 days, my wife is 43, she did this to me accidentally when we were about 20 & 18. She had just had her wisdom teeth removed. We were in a small convenience store, while playfully rough housing, I put her arm behind her back in a "mock" hammerlock. Now mind you, her jawbone areas were bruised from the surgery. Without thinking, or looking around, she said in a pitiful voice, " haven't you beaten me enough this weekend? " When we turned around, there was a man glaring at me, trying to decide whether to rip my head off or not!!!! We were so shocked, instead of explaining, we got out fast!! That poor man!! I wonder if he still thinks about that and wishes he had done something ??!! Cabo!


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/20/2005 5:43 am

Thank you Babsy!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/20/2005 5:48 am

ROFLMAO Ana!! Do I relate to the battery pack! To everyone who hasn't sported a TV mic. They put the mic close to your head, hide the wire under your clothes, and plug it into the battery pack/transmitter which is usually placed at the waistline in the small of your back to hide it. Perfect position to plop into a toilet when sitting.

Were those the "pre" G-String days??

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/20/2005 5:48 am

LOL Yagotta...I'm open Thursday afternoons.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/20/2005 5:50 am

LMAO Nic. This guy had to figure you were about the best charmer he's ever met. LMAO what a great story.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/20/2005 5:51 am

ROFLMAO allnight...what an intro. LOL Dad's suck!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/20/2005 5:53 am

LMAO Cabo, you have the makings for a reality series here. Hidden video stuff. LMAO

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/20/2005 6:04 am

ROFLMAO...nbtnt...we all gotta take this on the road. What a great book this stuff would make.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/20/2005 7:51 am

nbtnt...you are just too sweet. Thank you so much!

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tamethytension 54M
2320 posts
7/20/2005 8:49 pm

G'day Talldarkavg1,

nbtnt kindly suggested I cross-post today's blog. This would not be the most embarrassing moment ... just the most recent.

Have you ever picked up a street hooker ACCIDENTALLY! Jul 20, 2005 5:23 am
Mood: embarrassed, 21 views
Shades of Hugh Grant...

...well he says he was just giving her a lift
...just didn't specify with what.

That is what flashed through my mind 4 weeks ago today. I'm here in Lawton Oklahoma on assignment. SW OK has got to be among the hottest places in the US if you figure in the heat index and June was routinely pushing 110 daily. Well the nature of my work takes me outdoors, and involves vigorous exercise in sweltering heat (and I live for it ...

... so on this day, a combination of poor hydration and extreme heat, I found myself dizzy with a headache with slightly blurred vision by 10:30 am and knew I was in heat exhaustion, heading for heat stroke. Called it quits and made for town. Now understand my employer selects the project housing each year, and pickings are slim (or so they tell me). And this year we found ourselves in the "old town" section, apparently on the wrong side of the railroad tracks.

I momentarily pulled into the driveway of the small duplex we're staying in, only to back out thinking I need to get some aspirin. Not 50ft farther along is a stop sign at which I turn to hit the local mart 2 blocks away. There shuffling along in the street is a young woman in a long, flowing, flowery skirt. She mouths something to me (windows are up, AC cranked) as I turn the corner and figure she was asking for directions (I mean women do that right?). I slow and roll down the window, she comes up and asks whether I could take her to "Licker Avenue" (swear to the Goddess I am not making this up). Yours truly, who is typically oblivious to even the most ostentatious flirtations when coherent, was in no frame of mind to catch the double-entendre. So I explain I am unfamiliar with that area and she'll need to direct me... it's just a couple of blocks near the store she says ... Ok I'm heading there anyway ... hop in (SUCH AN IDIOT I can hear Napolean Dynamite whisper).

[Now what would you do? ... young woman ... disheveled and dead on her feet (from the heat you understand). As I posted previously, I am a sucker for damsel's-in-distress.]

So in she gets my SUV, and upon settling in (but only fumbling with the seat belt I recall in hindsight), says some thing barely audible through the fog of my dehydrated mind ... I don't want to freak you out she says ... but are you married? Huh? What was that? ..uhh no, just moved in back there on the corner (SMACK HEAD ON WALL NOW). She immediately brightens ... Really? then do you want to go and have some fun? I have not so much as gotten to the next stop sign when I look at her dumbly and try to process what she actually said ... but she obliges by repeating ... "come on want to have some fun". Hmmmm ... ahh that would be no I say politely but firmly (silently screaming HELL NO!). At this point negotiated some traffic and got through the intersection, as she with equal politeness (this is rural Oklahoma afterall) asked a third time... "you sure, we could just go back to your place for some fun". Now had I been more lucid, this would been THE PERFECT TIME to use a line that I have been saving for 20 years for just such an occasion ... namely "I don't think so honey, you could not afford me".... would have made for a better story but alas I must report that I simply said no thank you as I pulled up to the 2nd stop sign just across from the local mart. She with a nimbleness no doubt born of experience, quickly made a show of recognising a "girlfriend" in a passing car, and jumped out at the curb.

Yours truly, NEVER LOOKING BACK, proceeded through the intersection right on past the mart and drove in a REALLY BIG circle through town before heading home, all the while wondering whether a cop had witnessed the pick up.

But naught has come of it...and the young woman has not been seen again ..... big sigh of relief.

So Hugh ... I empathise buddy.

H4H


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/21/2005 6:05 am

Huny...how did you get back in? Don't tell me you crawled in a window??

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/21/2005 6:09 am

Tension...lesson learned bud...all that wiggles isn't Jello.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/21/2005 6:10 am

Major, toss in a couple of Our Fathers to be safe!

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pussinboots4u 50M/47F

7/21/2005 9:38 am

Okay, I came over to see mzhoney's comment - three posts later I get to it. LMAO - I feel like I've spent the whole day here on your blog. You rock!

LOL, mzhoney - thank god - I have no neighbors close enough that would ever see me get locked out naked (unless they have a telescope, in which case, they get an eyeful just about every night).


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/21/2005 11:33 am

PIB4u...what was that address again?

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iamwhatiam4113 57F

7/24/2005 12:32 am

Darlin...you are too funny! And too close not to meet! Care to embarrass me in public? xoxoxox


playfulwithyou33 56F
961 posts
7/24/2005 8:23 am

Kmart! (that's where one of my embarrassing moments happened too)

My then boyfriend and I were shopping and had the habit of getting separated while doing so, and then wandering back every so often to see "what was happening". Anyway, I see him standing in front of an aisle with his back turned to me, but his familiar windbreaker and his tight fitting jeans were a dead give away. I walk up behind him, stick my hands in his pockets and give him a big squeeze around the midsection.....um er um er...well, I gave the guy WHO LOOKED LIKE MY BOYFRIEND A BIG FONDLE. With my hands still in the pockets (and drifting downward) this man turns his head over his shoulder facing me with the look of TOTAL SURPRISE. Probably the only thing redder than his face was my face when I realized the "mishap". I quickly withdrew my hands off his body and apologized profusely, "I..I..I..I thought....you were my boyfriend", to which he responded, "I COULD BE!" tehe


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/25/2005 10:58 am

WooHoo Iam...never passed out in public eh?

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/25/2005 11:00 am

ROFLMAO Playful I think we've all had one of those mistaken identity things. Thanks for sharing yours...I feel more normal already!

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