Join S.P.A.M. Today. The STOP PENIS ABUSE MOVEMENT.  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
15586 posts
9/16/2005 7:22 am
Join S.P.A.M. Today. The STOP PENIS ABUSE MOVEMENT.

A touchy subject in Blogville these days is Penis Abuse. Most families treat this silent killer much the same way they treat death...you just don't talk about it. It's time.

A wile back I wrote a poem that may have been misunderstood ( An Ode to Unrequited Love ). I fear I may have launched a new Blogville fad of Penis Abuse. So, since I feel partly responsible for this practice...it's only right that I address it.

Penis Abuse has some obvious symptoms. Limping, the tell-tale odor of Ben Gay, a cast or splint, non-stop hips humping, and the squinty eyed chipmonk facial expression are but a few. Only through education can this mounting problem be reversed. Here is a partial list of things NOT to do with your penis. Or anyone else's.

Do not tap the cheese on a mousetrap with your penis. Although inviting, do not insert the penis into those round-holed rat traps either.

Hanging from the penis will not increase its length.

Granted, it is convenient to read with both hands on the book, but using the penis to turn pages is just inviting a serious and painful paper cut.

Pulling one pocket inside out, unzipping and pulling out the penis, and then tapping a lady on the shoulder in a bar and asking if she's ever seen a one-eared elephant is inviting penis abuse. Trust me on this one.

Using your penis as the hat in a Mexican Hat Dance is inviting trouble.

Although everyone loves hand animal shadows on a wall, offering to do a penis puppet show for the church ice cream social is inviting trouble.

Using the penis to try and slap that inviting low and away pitch over the fence is inviting trouble.

The penis and golf ball washers do not play well together.

Tieing a string from the doorknob to your tooth and slamming the door may be good for extracting teeth...but it will not lengthen the penis.

The penis is not a scratch and sniff game.

The penis is not a handle when changing your son's diaper.

Remember, with effort, we can stop Penis Abuse in our lifetime.


[blog talldarkavg1]


xx_44DD_xx 51F

9/16/2005 11:08 am

You have my FAKE penises shaking in fear tda!!


rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
9/16/2005 11:39 am

ROFLMAO

Don't forget the time you took me and Cabo to visit a farm and i got a bit too enamored with the milking machine. I had the squinty eyed chipmonk face for over a week after that.


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo
.
~Dante~


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/16/2005 12:03 pm

LMAO...44 DD you mean those guys get abused too?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
9/16/2005 12:18 pm

Sweetheart, as long as there are men in this world, there WILL be penis abuse. You guys can't keep your hands off anything!

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/16/2005 12:55 pm

LMAO Luke I remember. LOL, remember when you tricked Cabo into peeing on the electric fence? HE had that look for a month.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/16/2005 12:56 pm

Good point Daphne. I figure that's the very reason we only have 2 hands.

[blog talldarkavg1]


CuteAZguy27 39M
1545 posts
9/16/2005 1:04 pm

....Butt....BUtt...BUTt...BUTT....all of these are my favorite things to do, what else am i suppose to do at work, get paid ?

-CuteAZguy27


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/16/2005 1:46 pm

What I do AZ...blog!

[blog talldarkavg1]


SoljerBlu 39M

9/16/2005 10:13 pm

Hell, the only rule you need is, "don't ever show it to a woman!" ... or a man... or your dog... or the mirror.... oh, just cut the damn thing off and beat 'em all to the punch.


bella_ 47F
4030 posts
9/17/2005 10:04 am

If I had one....well...i would be doing all those things and even invent a couple more..and post the photos!!!


empress_evie 39F

9/17/2005 10:12 am

Man, I can't believe I haven't read your blog yet! Freakin' hi-larious. Okay, you're on my watch list.


frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
9/17/2005 11:37 am

LMAOOOOOOOOOO, glad I haven't had my coffee yet... T

T




rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/18/2005 12:08 pm

In a word Woodstock....YIKES

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/18/2005 12:09 pm

LMAO Bella. I feel the same about if I had a vagina.

Hey...wait a minute...want to work out a swap at the convention?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/18/2005 12:09 pm

Welcome Evie...thank you so much.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/18/2005 12:10 pm

T...just keepin' it real.

[blog talldarkavg1]


dano6332 56M

9/18/2005 4:10 pm

Tall, I like to use it for a bookmark especially at the library. Is this acceptable?


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/19/2005 6:58 am

Dano generally it is not unless you mark it with orange cones. No need to create an undo tripping hazard!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_CookieLips2 61M

9/19/2005 7:27 am

No matter how razor sharp your mind may be, remember, your penis is not a can opener!


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/19/2005 9:40 am

LMAO Cookie...NOW you tell me!

[blog talldarkavg1]


dano6332 56M

9/19/2005 2:09 pm

I normally put up one of those "caution slippery floor" signs


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/20/2005 5:14 pm

LMAO

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