Inventions You CAN NOT Live Without  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
posts
6/23/2005 8:25 am
Inventions You CAN NOT Live Without


OK, I read what you're saying about me, "...maybe he's a good dancer, and sure he's cute–in a Marty Feldman sort of way–but is he innovative?" I stand before you and answer yes. I am innovative.

Here is a short list of some of my inventions. By gosh this oughtta hush the nay sayers.

The Self-Propelled Suppository
Worried about sanitation issues? Feeling guilty about touching yourself in certain places? Spending too much finding where it goes? Well, your worries are over!

This streamlined state-of-the-art mini-rocket delivery system makes taking your meds effortless and a real pleasure.

Simply stradle the easy to assemble launch ramp, insert the yellow ear plugs, grab the remote control, turn the key counter-clockwise, press the RED button (not the green), count to 6, press the GREEN button, squint, and it's just that easy!

Your meds are delivered. Clean. Frequently safe. Sanitary. (NOTICE* May violate local anti-noise ordinances and may require additional launching of burn creme)

Pine-Scented Helium Filled Breast Implants
What a miracle! The bigger you go...the more weight you lose! Forget about E or F cups, I reccomend the "Golden Bozos". Since helium is so much lighter than air...grow grow grow.

This highly specialized proceedure involves first filling the implants to the size requested and then relocating the nipples to the back of your head. This way you can show those girls off in public without fear of arrest, and you are all but guaranteed your significant other will play with your hair! Who loves ya baby?

Why pine-scented you ask? As with any implant, leaking may occur. Since ours are high pressure gas filled, a leak sounds like projectile flatulence. If that occurs within earshot of others, one whiff of the pine aroma and you can easily blame someone else. (NOTICE* Refill canisters sold separately)

Note Worthy Others
Artificial tonsils. Never suffer separation anxiety again!

The NORDICplant. Five tiny treadmills are implanted under the skin inside the upper arm. Never again will you have to workout!

These are but a few. Granted, these puppies never really caught on, and I am not directly responsible for RONCO going out of business, but you have to admit...they are innovative.

[blog talldarkavg1]


keithcancook 60M
17794 posts
6/23/2005 6:44 pm

LMAO tall! Squint indeed! roflmao! Too funny dude.

I have an invention that will be of use to many on this site. It combines photo editing technology with lifelike mask molding machinery. By using my product folks who have sent false pix of themselves to potential new friends can continue the lie even further by showing up for that first meet and actually resembling the pix they have been sending.


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
6/24/2005 7:20 am

Absolutely brilliant Keith. However...does it also include the penis option?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
6/24/2005 7:24 am

Candy...the thought crossed my mind as well.

A word of CAUTION...Do Not Try This At Home. We are professionals.

[blog talldarkavg1]


keithcancook 60M
17794 posts
6/25/2005 5:29 am

Somebody BEAT me too the penis option. Rubber dicks are everywhere these days.


celticfaery 55F  
25 posts
6/25/2005 7:16 am

LMAO....well never thought I would get my morning laugh from an AdultFriendFinder Blog....but I am sure stranger things have happened....

Too true Keith...I actually know a woman who will buy a kit for a man if he promises to send her the "rubber willy"....lol..She has quite the collection!...Wonder if they are in disply cases with lights? There is even the option to insert a battery pack.....go figure!!!


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
6/26/2005 11:08 am

Celticfaery...I think I met her. Don't you just hate it when a woman starts shoving batteries up your butt? Don't mind the AAA but those D's...dayum.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
6/26/2005 11:09 am

Keith, I feel you have been wronged and I am turning your case over to the prestigious law offices of Dewey, Cheatum, & Howe.

[blog talldarkavg1]


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