I Wonder...Can You Directly Control Your Sex Drive?  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
posts
7/28/2005 9:43 am
I Wonder...Can You Directly Control Your Sex Drive?


You know, there are so many really talented writers in BlogLand it is difficult to log off any more. This morning I was making my rounds and a blog stopped me in my tracks.

DirtyLilSecret61 posted an excellent blog titled Rubenesque & Loving It. If you haven't read her, do so. Great sense of humor, witty, and a razor sharp sense of observation. She made me stop in my tracks and think today. Although a painful experience...one that was needed.

Most definately men are extremely verbal about what body type turns them on. Some guys require a certain body weight, some a certain boob size, and so forth. Unfortunately, some of these same fellows lack tact. Sometimes to the point they become hurtful.

But are women any different? Some women require no less than a certain height, some need washboard abs, some broad shoulders, and so on. Granted, for the most part women are more tactful than men, but not always.

Here is what I am wrestling with in my mind. Do we really have a choice here? I am not sure if I can control what I find sexually appealing. I consider myself a realist and am relatively cognizant. But controlling what I find appealing. Hmm, I don't think I can.

I find contents extremely sexy. Intelligence, wit, humor, realistic in-touch outlook, knowledge, are among my favorite traits. But, I guess I really do require certain things for a sexual situation to become fruitful from the physical side. Can I really control what turns me on? Can anyone?

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Ana_6973 43F

7/28/2005 10:14 am

I find what is inside very important but there are things I look for physically too. I'm a tall woman, I prefer tall men. Teeth are always nice, such as having them all and preferably clean (I don't expect Hollywood smiles but geez, some hygiene maitenence would be nice.) I really don't think I'm too picky. Who wouldn't want to meet their ideal dream person but come on, does that person really exist?

~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/28/2005 10:34 am

To me a man who shows intelligence, has a positive attitude, humorous, and treats others well will capture my attention any day, no matter what their body type is. If he can’t hold my attention in conversation, more than likely, he won’t hold my attention in bed.

DustStormDiva


rm_affbreak 46M
287 posts
7/28/2005 11:00 am

Can you really control anything?

While growing up your body gets feeded with inputs, wireing your brain, still being "variable" enough to what we call 'decide'.

Advertisements obviously do influence some actions .. my theory is it works similar for things which turn you on: Either you didn't ever have 'that' and want it out of curiosity or greed ... or you associate pleasurable things with what you see/smell/hear/...

... and here's loads of opportunity to even auto-feed your brain - in a way of reprogramming it in parts, focussing anew. That's where the danger lies in sentencens like "Those are bad.": If you repeat it often enough some might accept it as fact

Rewarding yourself for specific actions will make you repeat things more likely, as the 'reward in advance' of inviting for dinner might increase your chances with the other gender. If you always get the best food after getting fucked in the ass or killing people, you might start enjoying it.

An interesting thought popped into my mind thinking about this. If you take "sex sells" as granted, does the other way round work as well? You often hear woman complaining about 'those beautiful models in the ads'. But why do we consider some of those slim skeletons as beautiful? Here's a theory:

You see a specific type of woman in the ads next to nice products. You see a specific type of woman next to successful/strong men.

If you want those products or wanna be like that strong man over there, you're fooled thinking you have to head for the same type of woman, therefore rating them beautiful.

In the countries where they do love the fat ones usually there have been food shortages for at least some people in the "near" past. The fat ones seem to have access to food even in bad times, therefore you tend to go for them.

Is "Beautful" just an attribute you're willing to give for associated chances of having good things?


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/28/2005 11:02 am

I think they do Ana. Then again, I like cold toilet seats so what do I know?

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007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
7/28/2005 11:09 am

I am going to take a stab at this and say yes you can control it. we all can. Question is, do we want too, or do we have the strength to do it? And why I say that is this, everything we do, think, or process is centered in the brain. What turns me on what I like, or what I see as sexy all came from the brain. That is why I say sensuality starts in the mind, the control center.

controlling an urge, a thought, or a desire, can be curbed because we know that everything we see and want is not always whats best for us. If I walked into a restaurant and I saw this very well dressed and most attractive man sitting there, I am looking at him and he's looking at me. Perhaps I want him more than he would ever imagine, but, I have to control my thoughts and actions because, 1. I am in a place that sex would be forbidden in public, and 2. I may not be what he wants and therefore I have to control the way I view him. If not I would have to endure the suffering of what I want but cant have.

Hairy chest men is such a hot turn on for me. When I see a man who is cute or goodlooking thats the first thing I try to imagine about him, whether or not he has chest hair. Call me crazy but thats what I like. However if a man doesnt have chest hair and is super nice I could get past that.

Sorry for the long post but I couldn't help it.

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/28/2005 11:23 am

I have to agree with Ana, hygiene is way way way important

DustStormDiva


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/28/2005 11:49 am

Diva...I am confused, you telling me that if toadboy from the local carnival were merely clean he'd be attractive? I'm missing something.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/28/2005 11:54 am

Diva to your first comment, this is interesting indeed. It sort of confirms men being visual.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/28/2005 11:59 am

Straightten, it isn't a long post, you relayed your thoughts and I'm pleased you took the time. Thank you. I am very curios about this ten...I am unclear if I have that ability. I am truly unsure if I can fix something in my mind and then have it affect me as I want it to. OK, I'll say it first...I agree...I'm simple minded LOL, but I wonder if this is a male flaw I haven't addressed or if it is semi-normal.

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bella_ 47F
4030 posts
7/28/2005 2:59 pm

Everyone has preferences...i do not like super tall of thin men...dark is better for me with a 5'o clock shadow, body hair...stop me anytime now!


mehappy4u21 53F

7/28/2005 6:02 pm

Not sure we can control it, but I am sure we can influence it... When someone turns you on, you can put it out of your mind... You can look the other way, think about something else or even walk away, but that's not controlling whether they turned you on or not...

You can get more aroused if they put on something sexy you like, but does that control whether it's the clothes or the person that turned you on or are you just more aroused now by that person in those clothes?

I'm sure there are many ways we can influence, enhance and create more or less desire and arousal, but I really believe something has to be there to begin with... But that's just my opinion, what the hell do I know... I'm a blonde... LOL


Sweetcox69 47M

7/28/2005 8:46 pm

I sure hate to pour a bucket of ice cold water on any idealists in the audience who have bought into the lie yeah I said lie - that anyone no matter if they are a man or a woman - will not want to be noticed by and speak to the person they consider physically attractive before they want the same from a person they don't consider as attractive physically, visually.

Granted one man's (or woman's) ceiling is another woman (man's) floor and whay is attractive to one may not be as attractive to another however, also what is attractive to one at one point in their life may not be as attractive at another point in life, but the principle is unassailable in my view.

Visible characteristics are only irrelevant to the blind. Most people make what is known as the "Rational Man Error" and believe that people in all things make Rational choices but if you really examine it closely there is almost always a huge dose of irrational process involved in the making of any choice. It's commonly called a gut feeling or hunch or impulse or intuition or some such.

Outside of cultures in which arranged marriages are the norm, the selection of a mate is never a rational process of carefully weighing all of the pros and cons with access to perfect information. We see - we feel - we desire and we impose attributes on a person to justify the feeling whether they actually possess the attributes is entirely beside the point. Love is blind after all.

Anyone who claims to be uninfluenced by visible qualities is kidding themselves and if you look at the people they have dated in the past you are likely to see a some similarities - either all athlectic or slender or voluptuous or tall or short or large breasted or small breasted or something. Why is this so who the hell knows it's just one of the many mysteries of the cosmos. Is it fair -- of course it ian't fair -- but it's the way it is. there are some people who will try to park their irrational selction process long enough to give others a chance to demonstrate some qualities that make up for any visual shortcomings but even they will have certain visual parameters beyoned which they will not stray.

I suppose I could write more on this topic, as well as some others, but I wouldn't want to be a blog-hog now would I.

TDA you have no idea what you do to me wearing that woman's stars and stripes bathing suit. BTW How did the George Foreman Grill thing work out for ya?


Sweetcox69 47M

7/28/2005 8:54 pm

Well actually Carl Jung has a pretty interesting theories about attraction & love etc., but I'll leave that for people to look into on their own - it would take too much space to explain.


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
51F

7/28/2005 10:00 pm

It's more of a shopping list...

today I'm into:
tall
nice thighs
great eyes
nice lips
smart
witty
still has all his own teeth
and not yet on viagra

see if you can find some fresh produce...
then feel thump and feel them...

Everyone once in a while there is a new product-
not on your list-
and you say-
hmm
that looks good...
can I get a sample?


TTFN


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/29/2005 5:33 am

LOL Bella...saved in a knick of time.

<-----(Spraying Minoxidil on body)

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/29/2005 5:33 am

Affbreak good point. Now I'm really confused!

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/29/2005 5:34 am

MeHappy good point, we do influence it. Hmmm, controling it though....

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/29/2005 5:39 am

Sweet now I am really confused. The grill thing was a bad idea. I may retry this weekend on a lower setting.

LMAO bathing suit.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/29/2005 5:39 am

Sweet No more Jungian stuff...my head will crack.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/29/2005 5:41 am

Good point princess. I suppose everyone's shopping list does change. I wonder why?

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/29/2005 5:42 am

<perk> Sexyfitwoman...did you say athletic? Maybe as in 6'1", 230, muscular?

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rm_affbreak 46M
287 posts
7/29/2005 6:44 am

Sweetcox69

a) "Love is blind after all."

b) "Anyone who claims to be uninfluenced by visible qualities is kidding themselves"

b) contradicts a)


Sweetcox69 47M

7/29/2005 8:23 am

TDA - That's my diabolical plan .... Bwahahahaha ... I love it here on the DARK SIDE ... wait isn't your head already cracked?

Good luck with the Grill try using a little Pam (not the girl) as well to avoid sticking ... Damn that's painful ... my S&M tastes aren't that Hard Core.


rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
7/29/2005 8:49 am

I don't think it's a matter of control, more of preference.
I prefer one brand of underoos over another.
I see not taking care of ones appearance as a lack of self respect.
If you don't respect yourself, how can you respect me?


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/29/2005 9:35 am

Darkside rules sweet

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/29/2005 9:38 am

Very interesting point Jay. I wonder is there a correlation between the 2?

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DirtyLilSecret61 55F

7/29/2005 11:53 am

Thank you for the kind words and enjoying what thoughts meander through my mind. I almost feel like I stirred up a hornet's nest with this but here goes:

You're right, we all get whiplash when certain people walk by who appeal to us physically. I have learned, however, (a few tough lessons in fact) that it's not always the way the 'package' is wrapped or presented - it's the innerworkings of that 'package' that make the true gift.

I can appreciate the fact that 'Mr. Hardbody' prefers 'Ms. Goodbody' (or vice versa) ... but sometimes when we focus on just that, we miss meeting some really great people in life. I, too, can not control what turns me on sexually but the more I know someone (emotionally and intellectually) and like what I'm learning about him , the more I become attracted to him (as with all of us). I am guilty myself of having said "what the hell does he see in HER?!" or vice versa. I chastise myself each time.

You've made me think as well. I apologize if this seemed like a rant (for lack of a better word). Mainly I wrote it to get something off my chest to a couple of emailers at the time, but I do feel strongly about what I wrote. I am happy with the person I have become, inside and out. The smiles I get when out in public, or the thanks I get for making someone's day for a kind word, or even the offers to be taken out to dinner reaffirm how I feel and do make up for the few morons this post was originally written for.

(removes the soap box, and steps back to blend into the blogland crowd)

"Lil"


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/29/2005 12:24 pm

Lil, among the greatest gifts we can give each other is a new thought! Something that we had never considered before. In this day and age especially, giving a fresh new thought is a tall order. You did just that, and I thank you.

I do not see where any form of apology is necessary personally. You stated your experiences and feelings. However, true lady of grace that you are, you extended one. You're a class act Lil and I am very pleased that our paths crossed!

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nedthebundler 56M/59F

7/29/2005 8:14 pm

I'm not sure you can control your sex drive without chemicals or physical alterations (we won't dwell on that), but it is possible to control your response. We all have a "hot button" that can get turned on by the subtlest of stimuli, but just because it has been pushed doesn't mean we HAVE to act on it. I think every man and woman has seen someone that "does it" for them, but 99.99% of us don't just tear off their clothes and try to have sex with them.

Madness takes its toll. Exact change please!


frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
7/30/2005 9:48 pm

I think we have control over it.. I find a man who can make me laugh very attractive, but if I am not visually attracted by his appearance..its a no go, and that will be a friendship only. I may be turned on visually, but then he may have a nasty attitude..I think we have more control then we give ourselfs credit for.. T

T




rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/1/2005 5:43 am

Affbreak you have a point. We often contradict ourselves. I'm a master at it.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/1/2005 5:44 am

Ned, welcome back. Hope the vacation was fun. Hmmm chemical assistance...that's the ticket.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/1/2005 5:45 am

fnb maybe this control is stronger in women?

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/1/2005 9:22 am

<----- looking into head shaving costs

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