I Completely Understand Why Women Hate A Speculum!  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
15586 posts
10/8/2005 9:49 am
I Completely Understand Why Women Hate A Speculum!

Friday was quite a momentus day for a couple reasons. One, with my brother and nephew, we took my Dad to lunch for his birthday tomorrow. This I will probably discuss in the next blog. The other reason was I had a prostate exam. This we HAVE to talk about!

Keep in mind, my family doctor is one of my best friends. We used to live directly across the road from each other and hang out together often. Actually, I got him kicked off the golf course at his country club 2 years ago. Might as well explain that now.

If any of you actually play golf you'll quickly understand 2 things. One, golfers are Prima Donnas. Two, there just aren't the right clubs made for your needs. The reason we got kicked off the golf course is simple. I am more intelligent that the other golfers.

Sure they have expensive clubs and gear, but none of that crap actually helps their game. I watch them whack away in the fairways and grumble every time a shot goes the wrong way. You see the thing that makes me far more intelligent than the other golfers is my ability to adapt!

I have spent time in the fairways years ago whacking like mad at that damn ball and getting frustrated. Believe me, spend three swings smacking the hell out of a golf ball to find out that it has traveled less than 15 feet for your efforts is frustating to say the least. Here comes the intelligence part. I adapt!

My golf bag has 2 woods (a 1 and a 3), 5 irons (a 5, 7, 9, sand wedge, and a putter) and...a baseball bat. Yep, a baseball bat. When I get in the fairway, I pick up my ball, give it a gentle toss in the air, and smack the hell out of it with a baseball bat. I'm telling you, my fairway shots are long and straight. I'm always on, or really near, the green in 2. It seems other muckety mucks disapprove of this technique in golf refinement. They also bitch about it to others. Hence the ejection. BTW, I am now a member of the country club, but am banned from the golf course. Go figure.

Back to the exam. I called a couple of weeks ago to setup this humiliating procedure because it really is very important. I should mention that there were very specific reasons I chose John as my family doctor 15 years ago. First, he is very compitent. Two, he is very personable, intelligent, and has a great bedside manner. And three...he has small fingers.

When I arrived to have the butt police do his thing...I find out that I will not have the exam done by John, but rather by Dr. Jim. I didn't know Dr. Jim. OK, no biggie. Dr. Jim comes in, introduces himself, shakes hands, and as he is explaining why John isn't here his voice drowns out as I cannot help but take note...his ring size is at least a 33. You have got to be kidding me. NO way!

Mind you, I am not one to beat around the bush..."Jim, it's a pleasure meeting you. No way you're using ANY of those Kielbasas on me!" He actually had the gall to look shocked and question my decision. I thanked him for his time, assured him I will pay for the office call, and also made it clear...I will not have a 2 x 4 in my butt...ever. I will reschedule for a more petite examiner. I left.

OK, I'm a whimp.


[blog talldarkavg1]


DirtyLilSecret61 55F

10/8/2005 11:13 am

(rolls with laughter)

At least we now know that you'd never EVER make it as a homosexual.

"Lil"


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/8/2005 11:20 am

Lil, that my dear, is a very safe assumption.

DISCLAIMER: Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
10/8/2005 11:39 am

Ya know Sweetie, if you worked harder at getting laid you wouldn't have to resort to these types of doctors appointments to get your jollies.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


saddletrampsk 54F

10/8/2005 12:22 pm

A couple of drinks and some KY and you would have been okay


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
10/8/2005 12:22 pm

Take it Like a man...TDA...LOL!!!! LMAO!!!! ROFL!!!! ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!


frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
10/8/2005 1:14 pm

ROFLMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I would also love to golf with you... bat and all..LOL T

PS, thank you r for the laughs this morning. I REALLY needed them. T

T




rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/8/2005 1:41 pm

Saddle...no amount of alcohol would have sealed this deal!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
10/8/2005 1:41 pm

A female proctologist might solve this issue. And others, come to think of it.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/8/2005 1:41 pm

LOL Siz...easy for you to say. You're weren't facing Frankenfingers.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/8/2005 1:42 pm

T my pleasure! You name the course and I'll get us thrown off it.

[blog talldarkavg1]


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
10/8/2005 3:03 pm

And men wonder why I don't want a dick shoved up me ass. No sense of adventure!

DustStormDiva


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/8/2005 3:26 pm

Tay my pleasure to help out. We all hope she doesn't read my blog! OUCH

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/8/2005 3:28 pm

Wahine I really don't think I could have a female in that arena. It's bad enough having a female point at little Kenny and laugh...but a female medical professional? Nope, couldn't handle it.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/8/2005 3:29 pm

Diva...I admit I am a wuss! I believe size matters.

[blog talldarkavg1]


frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
10/8/2005 5:00 pm

LMAO, I can get tossed off on my own.. we had a company golf game, rained.... I changed jeans in the middle...... just handed my boss my camera and keys, then stripped..LMAO T

T




ks_traveler67 49M

10/8/2005 6:09 pm

Those damned exams are the most humiliating things you could have to endure. I have personally had 2 and can't stand them. The little piece of kleenex they give you does not give you any since of cleanliness and you walk around the rest of the day feeling dirty. I have to take time off from work to get them, because I don't want to be around any co-workers afterwards.

Good luck and make sure you do everything you can to keep your prostate healthy. And trust me it doesn't matter what size his finger is, it still sux arse.


rm_lucytart 50F
590 posts
10/8/2005 9:18 pm

I still recall my first delivery. It stalled... and my OB examined me. He has long, slim fingers, no problem. Then he wanted a second opinion. I'll give him a second opinion - it's my opinion that he needs a taller, slimmer partner! The second doctor had short, stubby fingers. OUCH! I confirmed this later in the office; at the time I only got to feel them, not see them.

I don't blame you at all, talldarkavg! Good luck when you reschedule...


2xTwiceShy 51M
470 posts
10/9/2005 2:13 am

The only thing that might make the experience with those latex sporting bastards any finer would be the Muzak in the background playing the title track for "Deliverance," and Big Mo giving ya a smile and a wink as he lubes up.

Not to mention that lovely sensation you have for the rest of the afternoon, like maybe you let a little squeeker out that wasn't really ready for prime time.

Do they offer gift cards for those exams? Might be great to pass a few around at the clubhouse some time.


mmwants 44F

10/9/2005 8:41 am

Oh My, that last was the best suggestion I have heard all year. I am giving Prostate Exam Goft Certificates to everyone who isn't a member of my fan club! And . . . . a baseball batfor all my golfing friends.


JJKittyKat 59F

10/10/2005 2:25 pm

TDA when I finish my training nest year I will do this for you. I pr of latex gloves and a little KY you will be fine. No speculum necessary


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/10/2005 3:07 pm

T you're my kind of golfer. I have to admit...I have ALWAYS wanted to put those ball washers to their literal use.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/10/2005 3:08 pm

Ks it is a tough experience indeed. Doesn't help matters any either if he offers to kiss afterwards!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/10/2005 3:09 pm

Thanks Lucy. Here...SIZE matters!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/10/2005 3:10 pm

Huny were it me...I'd hold of until 10th or so. Just my opinion.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/10/2005 3:12 pm

2X funny you should make the Deliverance reference. LMAO, in the back of my mind I always wait to hear him ask me to squeel like a pig.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/10/2005 3:14 pm

MM glad I could be of service. Just a little FYI though...keep the prostate exam and the baseball bat clearly separated!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/10/2005 3:14 pm

Amen Honni!

[blog talldarkavg1]


DaphneAgain 103F

10/11/2005 6:14 pm

10/08/2005 at 11:39 am

Ya know Sweetie, if you worked harder at getting laid you wouldn't have to resort to these types of doctors appointments to get your jollies.


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