How To Avoid Dating's Most Embarrassing Moments  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
posts
7/7/2005 8:04 am
How To Avoid Dating's Most Embarrassing Moments


I know what you're thinking...what does a guy my age know about dating or embarrassing dating moments? Well think about it. If you have read anything I have written, it will quickly dawn on you that I am an authority on screw ups. Perhaps, the Godfather of screw ups. I have spent a lifetime in the left lane with my right turn signal blinking. Believe me, I'm qualified.

Dating is an awkward series of firsts . Many of these firsts are horrible. Without guidance, these are a non-stop source of embarrassment and excessive perspiration. No worries...I'm with you. Here are some rough guidelines to make all of those firsts a breeze.

First Bathroom Visit
Ever seen the movie Dumb and Dumber ? If the mere thought of that first bathroom deposit doesn't pucker your sphincter...nothing will. What to do? You have options!

If it happens to be a rather noisy transaction...do what I do. Very audibly, practice your duck calls. When you suspect an audible transaction, loudly announce..."Canadian Mallard", and let loose. No one will know but you. Worried about an offensive odor? No problemo. Wait until you're finished then light the curtains on fire.

Blame it on spontaneous combustion or marauding terrorists. The ensuing confusion and smoke will hide your embarrassment nicely!

First Kiss
Geez, I remember my first kiss. I was sooo nervous. What angle of approach? Tongue or no tongue? How long? Open or closed eyes? Finally, I just went for it, and afterward I received the much needed reassurance that I did well. Grandmothers are wonderful aren't they?

The best approach to the first kiss is the direct approach. As soon as you meet your date, kiss them. It breaks the ice and makes the second kiss a snap. It also lets you know if you should bolt now before you have spent anything. However, do be warned...the first kiss is not a green light for leg humping!

Ok...this should get the ideas flowing. What are your first fears?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
7/7/2005 8:39 am

Laugh! OMG, loved the Grandmother comment, you are just sick enough to enjoy.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


carolina911girl 39F

7/7/2005 8:55 am

Thanks for the welcome. I love your blog.


mehappy4u21 53F

7/7/2005 9:27 am

Thanks DaphneR, I think I enjoyed your comment more than Tallandark's... LOL


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 9:30 am

Thank you Daphne...I'll up my meds.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 9:32 am

911girl, my pleasure and thank you!

I'll try and behave since there are new readers.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 9:32 am

LOL Happy...cracked me up too.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 11:28 am

LOL Katey. Was it as good for you?

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sexyeyes375 47F

7/7/2005 12:03 pm

I like getting the kiss in right away... (non-relative, thank you)

First witty or smart-ass comment: I usually make the first one... and if he doesn't get it, then I know we aren't on the same page. he has to have a sense of humor that is a little twisted...like mine.. My recovery? either keep making the comments to confuse him and entertain myself... or play a movie in my head..


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 2:09 pm

Sexyeyes thank you. Excellent first !

I did try that movie in the head thing. Didn't work. I started singing the SpongeBob song aloud.

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raptor880 39M

7/7/2005 6:01 pm

That I have pulled another Transexual.They are so realistic these days.You cant tell until its too late...........


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/8/2005 4:30 am

Point taken. Perhaps photo ID's or State Certifications would help

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nedthebundler 56M/59F

7/8/2005 8:34 am

keeeehrist onna crutch !!!!!!!!!!!!!

nearly had my first "pee in your pants while reading something funny" experience. Truly written by a man that spends too much time alone in the dark, help this poor tortured soul ladies......Maybe you'll get that date you've been needing now.....

Madness takes its toll. Exact change please!


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/8/2005 8:52 am

Thanks Ned! Ladies...heed Ned, he's wise beyond his years!

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